When you were a kid who did you like to be with most in the world? My guess is if you think back to the best times in your life the answer would be one of a few people. You would chose to remember your mother, your father, and your grandparents. We all had that one special aunt or uncle in our lives too. But, for the most part you probably enjoyed the company of your parents in your early years. Things have not changed in this regard. Kids still prefer to be with their parents. In fact, one of my favourite quotes is, "Kids need QUANTITY time not QUALITY time". Plain and simple, your kids just want to be with you.
It always bothers me when I have a child in care whose parent is not working but does not chose to spend that time with their child. I really have a hard time wrapping my head around that choice. I know that raising kids can be stressful. Hey, I have a house full of them each and every day and rarely get a break. Most of those kids are not mine but they are still a handful and a lot of work. I can see the need for 'you' time. I too like to have time to myself although I rarely get it. Those few times I have had the opportunity to be alone or enjoy a manicure or a hair cut my children have been with my husband while I ventured out of the home. If I were a working mom, outside of the home, with my children in daycare, I would relish every moment I could get with my child. I certainly would not chose to leave my child in daycare so I could enjoy a shopping trip. It is one thing to leave your child with your spouse while you enjoy time alone and quite another to leave them in daycare.
Children do not like daycare. I don't care what parents or providers say to counter this comment I remain steadfast in this view. Yes, children have fun, do activities and interact with other children while in care. I also did this as a child. I did not cry or scream or carry on because I did not have a choice or the luxury to voice it. To the casual observer I appeared happy, calm and content. However, given the opportunity I would have chosen to not go to daycare and thus be away from my home and family. However, we don't always get what we want from life and there will be, and are times that we are forced to be placed in environments for periods of time that provide positive aspects to the rest of our lives. As much as the children in my care might be very fond of me I am not their parent and therefore not their first priority in how they would choose to best spend their time. Kids would always prefer to be with a parent than a daycare provider.
It saddens me a parent drops off a child clearly not dressed for work and goes off to spend their day doing enjoyable things when their child would love the opportunity to do those things along side them. The argument I hear most in this regard is that kids don't want to go grocery shopping or to the mall or watch you garden. I disagree. Kids would much rather be with you in these endeavours than sitting in a playroom all day under the direction of someone who does not view them as the pure miracle and treasure as a parent does and should. I genuinely like the children I care for but I know that my feelings for them do not even begin to equate to the bond between the child and the parent. Call it maternalism, or evolution - call it what you want but it is undeniably there.
I get paid for a full day of care regardless of attendance. If you choose to leave your child in care or take them shopping with you on your day off it makes no monetary impact on me. I have nothing to gain by holding this view. The only thing I gain is a disregard for your ill-placed priorities and selfishness. Yes, there I said it - selfishness. I too think about how wonderful it would be to stroll the mall and leave my kids behind. But, I am a parent and my kids are my first priority - not the store fronts I might want to browse or the quiet sun tan I might want to attain on my deck. It's not all about me. It's about them. Besides, just knowing daycare from the other side would make me feel so damned guilty that I could never follow through with my plans anyway.
Kids who attend daycare often spend forty to fifty hours a week away from their parents. Many of these young children are not able to express their own thoughts and feelings. One must assume, that if asked they would answer a resounding "Yes" to a special day with mommy. After all, if mommy feels she needs a special day then perhaps so does her child. Kids are people too. Small people but still people.
So, next time you are shopping sans stroller I hope you are happy and guilt-free. And if you do feel guilt then perhaps that's a signal. And if you don't? Well, then I feel sorry for you because you are missing precious time with your child that will pass by all too quickly.
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