The Princess And The Pea

Once upon a time there were two little girls. This set of twins were the cutest little girls you ever set your eyes on but to their parents it was obvious that one was viewed as the princess and the other as the pea. Just like the popular fable the pea was just a irritant that was felt from under a pile of mattresses. The princess, when bothered by the pea, simply screamed and the pea was removed. With the irritant now absent the Princess went on with a smile on her face.

This isn't really a fairy tale but a real-life scenario concerning two children in my care. These two little girls have very different personalities. One child is mild-tempered, easy going and a wonderful little person; we''ll refer to her as the Pea. The other child is uber-sensitive, high-maintenance, attention seeking and simply miserable, and thus, will be referred to as the Princess.


Although the innate attributes of their personalities are not of their choosing the parents have played a role in shaping who these children have become. The parents openly refer to the Princess as "The Princess". And, in doing so, feed into her whiny, manipulative behaviour. I have actually witnessed this child scream for a toy that the Pea is holding only to have the parents take the toy from the Pea and give it to the Princess to stop the crying. What on earth are these parents thinking? Do they not see the problem here? If there is one way to propagate animosity between siblings this would be the perfect example. Are parents that stupid to not understand the impact they will have on the relationship of their children in the future? How is it that a thirty-something adult can be schmoozled by someone who weighs less than a beagle? The answer is simple. Here we go again.......parenting.

I will admit it is much easier in the moment to just give in to a child. But, being someone with two brain cells and an ounce of insight I realize that short time pain for long time gain is always the best approach to raising children. I understand that giving a crying child a Hot Wheels car today will lead to a savings account for the Porsche I will need later to appease that same child. Is this really such a hard concept? Do I have some super-human clairvoyance that enables me to see what these parents are so oblivious to?

My sister says regularly to her teenage daughter, "I love you enough to have you hate me". I think that's a great quote. We are not here to be our child's friend. We are here to be their guide to the world. In the real world we can not simply cry and get our way. How is the Princess supposed to transition to the real world when her present environment has prepared her to scream for what she wants? These parents need to realize that one day the world is going to smack this child in the face. And when she falls - which is guaranteed to happen - it will be the parent's fault.

I feel sorry for the Pea. She lives in the world where not only is she constantly compared to her sister but made to feel second within her own family. How can the Pea possibly build positive self-esteem when her sister constantly steals her thunder? And, how truly sad that the possibility for a wonderful sisterly relationship will ultimately be lost. The saddest part of all is that it doesn't have to be this way. If we could, as a society, cease to be afraid of our own children the world would be a better place. I fear for the future.


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