I personally love it when a child shows up for a daycare interview without a soother. I always ask the parents about this when I notice its absence. I am delighted when I hear that their child never had a soother. I have to admit, I'm a bit envious too; perhaps even a small pang of guilt flickers through my body as I realize they must be a far more patient and tolerant person than I. How do those whose children have not had soothers get through those early days? I'm sure it must be their child. These are the parents who were blessed with the perfect, quiet, and ever-sleeping baby. Coincidentally, these are also the parents you see at the park smiley and happy two weeks after the arrival of their bundle of joy. Their sheer lack of exhaustion makes you want to just smack them. You think, "Hey, I MUST be doing something wrong". What you, and these parents don't realize, is that their child is an anomaly.
Unfortunately most parent I know, myself included, were not lucky enough to have a perfectly happy non-soother dependent child. So, we give in for a while because we simply can not walk around for the next two years with cotton balls in our ears. But, at some point, there comes a time when the soother is a habit rather than a need. We all know now that prolonged soother usage alters the position of the teeth. If it were for that fact alone I would forever banish them by the child's first birthday.
At some point after their first birthday children really need to be weaned from the soother. In my care, I start to notice two things with children over the age of one that become increasingly worse the longer the child uses the soother. They are:
1. That the child becomes frustrated when speaking to me as I can not understand what it is they are saying because the soother impedes their ability to speak.
2. That the child becomes more whiny and dependent. It's as if the soother constantly reminds the child that he needs to be soothed and therefore, must be in a situation to warrant that soothing.
The second point is where my pet-peeve comes into play. I simply can not stand whiners. If you are uncomfortable, need a hug or simply having a bad day then just tell me. Come to me for a hug or a talk but for goodness sake, don't take your two and a half year old body over to the fuzzy chair and sit there and mope all day while sucking on your soother. I fail to see how anyone can argue that this is better than the alternative - getting rid of the soother and encouraging age-appropriate interaction.
In my care once a child hits the eighteen month mark I take the soother from them at drop-off in the morning. The soother remains in their basket until nap time. Later, at the age of two the soother is no longer permitted in my home while your child is in my care. Now, I know for a fact that some of the parents of the children in care just can't enforce these policies at home. Most of the parents hide the fact that their three year old has a soother. Others still will openly admit to me that they just let me be the bad guy and take the soother each day. Gee, thanks for that. It's not bad enough that your child cries when you drop off and would clearly rather be with you than with the daycare lady but you allow for my relationship with your child to start out every day with me taking their valued possessions. Like, I said, thanks for that. But, I guess someone has to parent these children.
The most head shaking, eye-popping site I have ever witnessed as a provider concerned a five year old I had in my care some years ago. Since the age of eighteen months the child had not had, nor ever asked for her soother while in my care. I had made it very clear that she was a big girl who didn't need a soother to get through the day. I encouraged her to come to me for support instead of that dirty piece of plastic. One day while I was out I ran into this family while in the parking lot at a local grocery store. Imagine my astonishment and shock to see this five year old in her car seat with a damned soother in her mouth. Holy Hannah, I could not believe my eyes. Moments like this do offer some value however. Upon reflection a lot of things suddenly made sense. I now understand why she turned into a demon child as soon as her parent opened the door at pick up time. I also understand why the parents, when off for the day, always brought her to care. It was painfully obvious in that moment that a five year old ran their household. How sad it is that the parents are now citizens of a dictatorship run by a child. Sadder still is the future this child will face. My guess is she will be forced to 'suck it up' one day when she learns that the world does not rotate because she said so.
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