Difficult kids make me crazy. There is nothing that can make me more upset than a struggle for power involving a person who's too young to recite the alphabet. Time and time again I run into control issues with kids who, while at home, rule the roost. I might not understand their family dynamic but at my address this hen house is ruled by me and I will not be pecked into submission by a nearly three year old chick. Nope, not happening.
The essence of control is manipulation. Call it what you like, the child is willing to do whatever it takes to make them feel that they have defied you in order to feel power. Normally, I would say that this is a time to pick your battles. Some issues just don't warrant a conflict. Contrary to the general sentiment of many of my posts I do believe that children must be given the opportunity to make decisions and demonstrate their free-will. This is of utmost importance because it is in these times that the child learns to also deal with the responsibilities that come from the actions they chose to employ. Wearing a summer dress in the dead of winter even after Mom has suggested otherwise is a good lesson when you step outside and are freezing the entire trip to the grocery store. Some lessons are better learned first hand.
I had this situation occur yesterday in my daycare. I have a child who will turn three in July. This child is fully potty trained. However, she does not chose to use the bathroom while in my care. Instead she uses her personal septic system attached to her bottom in the form of a Pull-Up. I am fully aware as to why she refuses to use the toilet. This child is extremely strong-willed. Combine that personality trait with the fact that she gets away with murder at home when Daddy is her caretaker and it makes for a very bad temperament. This child also views my environment as the root of all evil. I will not allow or reward tantrums, whining, or manipulation. In turn, this child snubs me daily and refuses to interact with me at all. Normally I could not care less about this. That is her choice to be miserable. But, when it starts to affect me then control measures turn to all out war.
Yesterday I calmly told this child that I would no longer change her diaper. She was told that should her diaper be full she would be changing herself. I knew in advance that she would call the bluff and do whatever it took to test the waters. Sure enough, by the end of nap time she had not used the toilet at all that day and was soaked through to her jeans. When asked if she had peed in her diaper I was told she hadn't. I reminded her that I could clearly see her jeans and that she had in fact lied to me and therefore would need to be changed. Sure enough, she flopped to the floor in the ready position to be cleaned and re-diapered. Little Bugger.
At this point the easy thing to have done would be to change her, go on with my day and make it easy for everyone. However, we all know that would never happen in my care. This was a lesson in demonstrating that I had given her options, informed her of the consequence and was thus carrying out my promise. Without skipping a beat I handed her a new Pull-up, her clean pants and a grocery bag. I informed her that she could change her clothes and I walked away. And, after a moment of stunned silence she did just that. And, when mom came to pick up it was the child who was put in the position of explaining what had happened that day.
Today is a new day. Will she continue to pee in her diaper? Who knows. But I am certain of one thing - Judy will not be changing it. Eventually she will discover that pulling off a wet diaper and changing into new clothes is far more work than visiting the bathroom. Add to this the embarrassment of having to admit to mom that she is solely responsible for the wet contents of her bag. What better lesson. Yesterday she learned that consequences stick, taking responsibility sucks and changing five hour old pee is gross. Tough love is tough. But the lessons learned are priceless.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
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