Socially Bored

Have you ever had that one child who, regardless of how much effort you might put forth, just will not interact? These are the kids who will not play independently, will not get their hands dirty with today's craft. They sit and sulk instead of getting up and playing with their friends. A provider friend of mine recently coined a phrase for these kids - socially bored. I think that's a great term for this situation.

I've had one or two of these kids in my care through the years. In fact, two of the socially bored children in my care were siblings. It is frustrating at best when you have kids like this in your care. Your attempts at interaction are futile and it really brings down the group as a whole. It's also very disheartening when you put so much thought, expense and effort into a special outing only to find this one child does nothing at all to take advantage of the new environment and all the exciting things it offers. It makes you wonder why you attempt to include them at all.

There are two common factors I have noticed in relation to social boredom. The first is that these kids are usually the least well-behaved for their parents. And two, that all of these kids seem to lead very busy lives. They are involved in many sports, library programs, and tutoring. This might not seem like anything out of the norm for many families but one must consider that we are referring to four and five year olds. Many times, even younger. The question always comes to mind whether they are bored in daycare because they are accustomed to being so busy the rest of the time or are they busy because the parents don't want to deal with their behaviour. The father of one of my socially bored daycare children will readily admit that his days off with this child are hell. In fact, he openly tells me that he would rather work than stay home with his manipulative, whiny five year old. Instead of changing the behaviour he simply signs her up for another activity. Yep, cheque books and ballet shoes seem to be popular behavioural management strategies these days. Why deal with your own child's behaviour when a ten dollar tutu and a fifty dollar cheque to the city activity department will buy you a half hour of silence and make your child some one else's problem.

Socially bored kids are not bored. They lack skills. These kids do not know the value of entertaining one's self without the aid of mommy, daddy, the television or the ballet instructor. They depend on everyone else to find joy and excitement for them. What happened to the days when you could build a sandbox out of spare lumber, buy some shovels and buckets and watch your kids play happily for hours? Has television, playstation and our overwhelming guilt at not spending enough time with our kids overtaken the simple things? I think so.

Socially bored kids are boring. No one wants to play with the pouty little kid sitting on the sidelines with their arms crossed. So do your kids a favour. Next time they want you to entertain them with outings to the movie theatre, ballet class or the newest gaming unit introduce them to the sandbox. There is much to be learned there. The sandbox is full of wonder and understanding of physics in the world. Yes, they may protest but there is a reason thirty year olds push out babies and not the other way around. Give your child the gift of the ability to find wonder and excitement without your constant assistance. And then grab a book and spend some time on the deck reading while your kids discover all the things sand has to offer. It's a gift for both of you. Take advantage of it now. Sand passes through the hourglass quickly.





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca