You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream

Is there anything more grating on the nerves than a screaming child? Nothing can send a person to the brink of insanity faster than the shrill voice of a screamer. We've all had one in care at some point. And it didn't take long before you went back to review the termination policy of your contract. And, I am certain that having a screamer in care is the sole reason most providers add a probationary period clause to their contracts.

I have had many kids in care who screamed the first few day. Most kids do this. In fact, it happens so often that the days leading up to the arrival of a new child literally stress me out so much that I wonder what in hell I was thinking when I agreed to take on a newbie. The child arrives, screams for days one, two and three and then it generally starts to subside. It's a normal process. But what about those kids who scream far beyond the normal number of days it takes to transition?

The most horrendous daycare month I ever had occurred in January 2007. Yes, I can clearly remember the month because it has permanently damaged both my mental stability and my hearing. It is the number one worst time I have ever experienced in all the years I have provided care. This child was a screamer like no other. He literally screamed every minute of every single day, five days a week for a period of one month. On day six of daycare I placed him in the playpen for nap time. I refused to go to him. I am an advocate of CIO and use it exclusively in my business. This child was so ticked off as to have to be in the playpen that he started to bang his head against the plastic top corner pieces of the playpen. Imagine my horror to find him bleeding from his nose when I went to check on him. A child so upset to have to sleep that he physically harmed himself? Hmm...something was amiss here. Of course, I later found out that the parents had indeed rocked him to sleep, ran to his every whimper and were attached at the hip every waking hour. Would have been nice to have disclosed that at the interview.

The pivotal moment came one day in the fourth week, when ten minutes before pick up the child literally collapsed on the floor. Still screaming, but otherwise immobile out of sheer exhaustion. I left him there for his mom to see as I wasn't sure she really understood the gravity of the situation. Needless to say, that was his last day. And watching him walk out the door that day was the high point of my daycare career. If there is a heaven I have already been there. It was blissful closing the door on that family knowing that tomorrow would be scream-free.

Screamers are an occupational hazard. We all get one every once in a while. But when is screaming normal and when has it reached its limit? When have you reached your limit? I think it's important to have defined time lines when it comes to behaviours you will not tolerate. At some point early on in a new daycare relationship there comes a time when you have to decide to carry forward or call it quits. And, the earlier the better. The longer you keep a screamer in care who is not making progress the more concrete you make the message that you accept and will continue to deal with this behaviour.

Having a probationary clause in your contract is essential. My contract states that services can be terminated immediately by either party within the first three weeks of care. This gives you an out should you need it. Because, if you do have a screamer in care, there will be a time when you are at the end of your rope and will want to hand off the child at the end of the day and tell them never to return. With a probationary clause you can do just that.

Screamers are the hardest children to deal with. But, in the end it is hard for everyone: the screamer, you, your own kids, the other kids in care, and the parents of the screamer. Regardless of the reason for the screaming it is obvious that the child and the environment are not a good match. Not all kids are cut out for daycare. Not all kids are cut out for your daycare. The trick is to know when that is the case and call it quits.

If you don't already have a probationary clause in your contract then close this window, open up Word and type it up. Your sanity and your ears will thank you for it later.








For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca