"The proof is in the pudding."
How many times have you heard that line? It's often true. Many times my child "management" philosophy is criticized but today I was reassured that it works. Today being Thursday means one thing - it's muffin day. I loaded up the four kids I had in care along with my own two and off we went to the family country store down the street.
As is always the case, my son held the door for everyone to enter the store. The three year old took the hand of the eighteen month old, my daughter reminded everyone not to touch the breakables as we passed by them and the other three year old let all know that she was going to stay with the group. And none of this came through prompting by me. We were in the store for about ten minutes and in that time made a collective decision what kind of fruit to purchase, which cookies we wanted, and each persons' favourite muffin to put in the box. Not one - Not one - child whined, cried, argued, fussed or complained.
While standing at the muffin counter one of the older ladies who part owns the store commented on how we come in every week and always behave ourselves and are respectful of the employees and other patrons. At this time another lady piped up and asked if perhaps I could visit the home of her grand kids and "train" them to be as well behaved as my group. I will admit that those comments made me feel ten feet tall and confirmed that my hard work made a difference. But the biggest reward of those comments was the smiles it produced on the faces of all those kids who also felt good to be recognized and applauded for their efforts. They learned that the reward for good behaviour is good behaviour itself.
Kids don't have to be monetarily or materialistically rewarded for acting in a manner that should be expected of them. My daycare is proof of this. We go out on Thursday to get muffins not to reward them but because they are behaved. I honestly believe that the kids in my care understand this concept. We act as a group and when one person in the group is not doing their part the group suffers. And if I, as the group leader, is not pleased with the group itself the activity will cease. Kids are smart - they get it.
These same kids often turn into completely different people when in the presence of their parents. Today, the same three year old who reminded us to stay with the group was carried in to my home screaming. She demanded that mom take off her shoes for her and protested greatly when mom tried to take off her coat for her. The other three year old who, while at the store, held the hand of her younger friend who needed assistance, came into my home this morning and rudely spoke to mom when mom did not place her shoes on the mat in just the right fashion. And, the eighteen month old who walked calmly along side her three year old "caretaker" while holding hands ran from mom toward the street in our driveway this morning. Same kids, extremely different behaviours. It's not rocket science.
So, the next time the ladies at the store ask me what my magic formula is I will tell them this.....
Stop being your child's friend and start being their parent. Stop allowing children to display any behaviour you would find unacceptable in any adult. And last but not least; say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not hard - really, it isn't. Stop being a slave to your child's bad behaviour. I know they are capable of more - I have seen it. And really, don't we owe them that respect?
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
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