Thursday, August 27, 2009

No More Mr. Nice Guy


Does anyone conjure up a vision of a zombie looking guy with unruly hair and half a tube of mascara dripping from his eyes? If so, then you will know my friend Mr. Alice Cooper. Mr. Cooper is not a nice guy. I'm taking lessons from Mr. Cooper. I'm done being nice too.


Over the years I have started some horrendous kids in care. Everyone knows most kids cry for the first day or two. The questionable aspect regarding new kids is always how long they will carry on crying. We are not fortune tellers. None of us can predict just how long it will take for a child to settle in. I wish we could all have crystal balls that would tell us that child 'A' will settle fully in three weeks and child 'B' will still be carrying on by the time Christmas rolls around. And usually, if you are anything like most providers, by the time three or four months has passed with a child in care it is far too awkward to terminate. Your continued care is akin to acceptance of the behaviour and it is hard to let go of a child who has not developed any new behavioural problems. So, when then is a child not settling? Without the aid of a crystal ball how can you tell the difference between an 'A' child and a 'B' child?


Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to the aforementioned question. If I did not only would I be good I would be GREAT at my job. I would also have far healthier ear drums and quite a few more ounces of my sanity still intact. I, just like you, am not equipped with any mental telepathy skills.


Over the past few years I have had the worst group of daycare kids I have ever encountered. Excuse me if I admit that, for the most part, they were the biggest group of overly-coddled, demanding, whiny, dependent and manipulative kids I have ever met. It is a wonder they managed to stay in care for as long as they did. For the most part, they have all made their exits in one manner or another over the last few months and I was put in the position of virtually starting over. What a blessing in disguise! I know now, by the sheer wonder and joy of my present, new faces, that my old group was a reoccurring bad dream. Gosh, I have to wonder how it was that I got myself into that position. I must know or I am certain to repeat my mistake one day in the future.


Once you have had difficult children in your care you start to pick up on the attributes those children hold. Every difficult child in care is an educational opportunity to learn who it is these kids really are. Knowing what makes these kids difficult and having the ability to see the same characteristics in other children - especially children new to your care - is imperative if you plan to maintain a happy, positive environment. I have had some of the most obstinate children you will surely find in care in the last two years. In some small way I thank them for teaching me what it is I am not willing to deal with on a daily basis. In short, they introduced me to Mr. Cooper.


From here on in I will no longer allow a child to scream, whine or cry for a month at the onset of care. I'm just not willing to take the chance that accompanies such behaviour. I am not willing to look at the calendar in December and thank God above that I will have a week off at Christmas just so I won't have to deal with one particular child. No thanks. I've been there before and I don't intend to again.


Kids and parents beware. Mr. Cooper is now in charge. If you want to coddle your kids, allow them to scream instead of speak or let them walk all over you and leave me with the luxury of the fall-out between 7:30am and 4:30pm you will quickly find yourself searching for daycare. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. Cooper is in charge now. Just take a look at him - he's scary. And so am I!





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
Posted by at 2:52 PM
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9 comments:

  1. Thanks so much Judy. I so needed that as today I have decided to terminated the 3 yr old boy that is getting worst by the moment.
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  2. YES ma'am!! I wholeheartedly agree and I am right there with ya Mr. Cooper! lol
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  3. I also just a few days ago gave and 18 month old the boot. She has done nothing but kick, scream, whine, cry and moan the ENTIRE time she is here. Along with not napping AT ALL. I finally told mom..SORRY, she's not fitting in and let them skip off on their merry way. I felt terrible, and had butterflies telling her, but you know what? I'm SO much HAPPIER! and my other kids in care are delighted that she's gone. A screamer ruins the group. Heed my advice. Put up with it for a week and at second week warn the parents and end of week 2 kick em out! It's really not worth it.
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  4. Escape clauses in your contract are golden.
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  5. A screamer is my worst nightmare. btdt and won't..I repeat...WON'T do it again. I almost want to post the following "warning" in my ads:

    "Coddled children who scream/kick/bite or rule the roost need NOT APPLY"

    I too am tired of the screamer types, not the cry and scream cause I'm hurt...nooo, I hug those ones, but the ones that SCREAM cause they know something good comes out of it. If nothing does however, they'll stick their fists down their little throats and throw up all over you; you know to show you WHO'S BOSS AT HOME! You know the ones?

    If my gut tells me "something is amiss with this kid/family" I have learned to listen to it and make my excuses why I can't take them into care.

    Hugs my friend and put on your workboots ok? Be strong, tough and listen to your inner voice.
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  6. I feel all of your pain,.. Thankfully its been about 12 years since I had a "screamer". to this day when we see them out my head starts throbbing, lol. laundryduchess
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  7. I always find the attitude of the parents in those first few meetings is almost always a dead give away as to how the first month will go! "Little Johnny has never been with a sitter in a year." "Little Lucy only sleeps when I hold her and she must have her bottles at 9, 10, 11, 12...., and we burp her by walking in circles around the room, patting her back and singing ABCs, while making sure her.... And she must have a bm two times a day..."

    I do two to three trial runs with a child. I feel so strongly about these trial runs, that I do not charge the family for them. The condition of their care is based on how those days will go.

    I laugh at Alice's picture - my mascara looks quiet similar after a day of dealing with a screamer LOL!
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  8. That post was awesome! I find more and more kids out there in this world in todays day and age are coddled and babied and are not allowed to hear the word 'no', there are no spankings, no discipline at all in some cases! it makes out field of work very very stressful at times. THank heavens for the occasional well adjusted child who comes along with well adjusted parents. I just started with a family and their three little kids are very very nice kids as are their parents. Now you realize I'll have the song no more Mr. Nice guy rolling around in my head all afternoon!!
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  9. In my experience it helps to have an incubation period as part of the contract. i live in Los Angeles which i think is the spoiled brat center of the US. Because of my previous experiences I now stipulate a one week incubation period where the daycare "evaluates" if the child is fit in the environment and has the capability to adjust harmoniously with the other kids.
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