To be human is to be animal. There is no question that we are, at the heart of it all, just animals sharing the planet with other animals. What makes us different is our unique ability to reason and communicate as such. In the animal world there is the underlying notion of survival of the fittest. It is ingrained. It is evolution. It is written into our DNA.
In 2005 a study was released that discovered that cute children receive more time, love and attention from their parents. The premise of the research finding is that "Humans have evolved to give the most attention to their children who are most likely to survive in our world and therefore to pass on genetic material". One must wonder if this is true, and if true, does this also affect those who care for children not their own.
I am neither a sociologist nor have I studied evolution and the concepts presented by Darwin at length. But I do have some knowledge of basic biology and an understanding of how the animal kingdom operates. I understand the animalistic predisposition to prefer some inherent genetic traits over others. I am knowledgeable of the allele factors at play in the animal body and I also know that some gene combinations are more favourably accepted than others in their outward expression. If human beings are animals why then should we be so arrogant to think we would be exempt from that which has proven to dominate the instincts of the animal kingdom?
The greater point to be made here is that we have life experience to draw upon. If we were perfectly honest would be answer that, yes, pretty, cute babies and children are easier to grow close to and care for then those who perhaps lack the traits that their attractive playmates possess? The raw question is - are attractive kids really and truly cared for better? Be honest.
I am brave enough to pose this question as a daycare provider and take responsibility for the backlash it might create. I am an honest individual who has the courage to look inside myself and answer with the basic and unembellished truth. Yes, for me, good looking kids do make their way into my heart with much less effort than others. It's the truth. It's carnal and it's raw but it is the truth.
Over the years I have had many children in my care. Some of them have been children who could easily support the allure of the cover of a parenting magazine. Others not so much. The attractive kids pull on my heartstrings in a fashion different from their less attractive playmates. There is more tolerance toward them. I am less annoyed by their crying and quicker to respond to their distress.
These revelations I place in print are new to me. It wasn't until I recently stumbled upon the articles of the study that I had the epiphany of actualization. For even I was unaware of my preference until I took the time to look inside myself and demand a truthful answer. The question is, can you, the reader, look inside yourself and answer the question with truth and honesty?
There is no wrong answer. There is no blame to cast. It's innate. You can not win in a battle with evolution. But you can answer the question with honesty and go forth with the knowledge of your humanity and the fallibility that comes with it. One can not grow without truth. We, as a humanity, can not change our perceptions without first recognizing them. Read the link provided and give yourself the freedom of truthfulness. Are you just an animal or are you celestial and bigger than the rest of us?
Link to CTV report on the study
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
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17 comments:
Cute kids are cute - no doubt. I think in the first few days of getting to know a child/baby it is easier to respond when they are clean and if they are cute but in the long run it is their personality that makes caring for them pleasurable or not. Ultimately, around here, Golden Parents get supreme care (I may even turn a blind eye to the odd behaviour). If parents expect level 4 care, then they get level 4 and if they expect level 9 then that is what they get - there is only so much of me to go around. Currently, I have ALL Golden Parents who make an effort of pointing out and verbalizing that they appreciate what I do and
they they get 110% care. I think kids can grow on me and I think they are all cute especially when you invest so much in them. I have seen some pretty homely kids and their parents think they are adorable - because they are theirs. I think this happens to me to as I get to know them. I have also seen less than cute babies turn into beautiful preschoolers. Cuties are a bonus, but parental appreciation and a well adjusted kid supersedes a spoiled cutie! Temper tantrums and misbehaving is not cute on any child.
Qwerty
I honestly found that for me it is easier to adore a child that is clearly adored by there parents. I'm not really sure if its the same sort of thing by I find it much easiert to deal with behaviour from children whose paretns clearly invest time/energy/money into them. Yes the tend to be the kids who are properly dressed, clean, inteligent etc. On the other hand when I come accross those kids whose parents can't seem to be bothered with them I kinda, wonder why should I? Honestly though, my kids are all pretty adorable so it's hard to say.
I agree somewhat..and also admit that I too can be swayed at times by the 'cute' child...but like the first poster said...cuteness only gets you so far, it is more the temperament of the child that keeps me coming back to them.
For example, right now in my care I have a little girl who could be the spitting image of a young Shirley temple..right down to the tight blonde ringlets and dimpled smile. However, when she first started she also whined...a lot! So many people commented on how cute she was, how darling etc....but my thoughts always centered around how whiny and clingy she was..I didn't find her cute. Now that she has settled in and the whininess has almost died, yes, she is a cutie pie...but because of more than her looks.
On the other hand I have another child who comes to my home in ill-fitting clothes, hair barely done and honestly, she is not the prettiest child out there, but get to know her and she can say and do the funniest things...even when they shouldn't be funny and it takes all my effort not to laugh! LOL
Someone once told me that all children are made cute and to look like the dad at first so that the male figure didn't eat them! LOL It really does depend on the attitude of the child. Like in the 'real world' looks can only get you so far!
dmansmommy
I agree with anonymous above. I will never be able to care as well for a child whose parent is awesome, but it helps me strive to and push the expectations of quality care. I also have a soft spot for children who thrive on the routine/structure and fun that I provide because things are not organized at home but still appreciated by the parents and the child.
Qwerty
I'm really thinking hard and back here....
I think cuteness may have drawn me in more than a few times, but behavior and the nose test win out every time. I haven't really had any unattractive young children in my care so I'm thinking on my school age care days.... a second grader who was cute as a button but I didn't spend too much time with because she didn't get her teeth brushed in the morning (I know it was the parents responsibility, but ick)
A gorgeous third grader who was such a little s**t that I had to stay away from because I couldn't say anything nice to her.
More recently, I've got an occasional 4 year old child with the most beautiful angel eyes, dark lashes, pouty lips, who I just can't stand to be around much anymore. The behavior is driving me nuts.
Okay I'm looking at a picture, my favorites were just not that "attractive", but they had great personalities (at least what I thought were great personalities), and weren't smelly.
So I guess my answer to your question is that I think I can, will, and have been lured in by good looks, and they may cause me to be more attentive initially. "Oh, what beautiful eyes you have!" That stuff draws you to them. Once the pretty wrapping paper is taken off, I'm sometimes singing a different tune.
I have to agree. Behaviour trumps cuteness any day. I should know. "The Princess" is damned cute but alas, not so well behaved.
Some parents seem more concerned about their child's appearance than their well being, like at pick up time, they are so worried about the dirty shirt, the boogers that are still lodged in their nose that I couldnt seem to pick out with a kleenex. They are so worried about how they look to others than how they behave at times. I wonder why that is? I honestly don't know if I've cared for a kid who didn't seem cute in looks to me. There was one boy who is now three and still with me who my friends refered to as the cartoon baby. They said his features made him look like a charicature of himself if that is even possible, just very defined features, others thought he looked older like an old man trapped in a baby's body. Now at the age of three, he is a very nice looking little boy and thank heavens he is pretty easy to have around for the most part. He went thru his biting and hitting stage and still occasionally gets into trouble that way. He was often the one everyone blamed for being the bully or if something happened that shouldn't and I'd ask 'who did that?' all the other kids would automatically say this little boy did it. Blame everything on him!
Also anyone notice these parents who are so concerned about their kids looks are the ones who are overly concerned when a sippy cup is not found at the end of the day or a sock as gone missing. Their possessions mean more to them than their child!! It's ridiculous!
I think it depends on the age =)
There is no such thing as an ugly baby or toddler. I think it might make a difference when the kids are 5 and up...but I don't know yet. Haven't cared for any that age yet....that aren't cute ;)
The well behaved children I believe receive more positive attention and better care. It's easy to play with a child who isn't in time out 3/4 of the day.
Annoying children drive me crazy, regardless of looks.
I have a cute kid in care who I care for as equally as the others but it drives me batty that he isn't independent (product of parental coddling) and I lose my patience quicker with him than I would a child who doesn't purposely pretend that he doesn't know how to put on his shoes (I've seen him do it 10000000000 times over the last YEAR....Lazy children suck giant butt!
I think I'm off topic....it's been a day =)
Peachykeen
It's the smiles that do me in - looks or not. A kid who is a smiley, happy kid draws me in everytime. I have a set of twins that come who are 1.5 yo - one is very happy - laughs alot and tries to verbalize. The other is very solemn and doesn't verbalize at all except for 'maaaaaa' and crying. I've warmed up to smiley twin much easier.
I do find the good looking kids quickly discover they are cute ('cause they're told it all the time) and start to use it. They seem completely shocked when they get into trouble because they've been smiled at and told how cute they are from the moment they came out of the womb! I have a 3.5 yo and a 2.5 yo who although very cute, are manipulators. I find that I actually start to feel my neck hairs rise every time someone says "oh, look at the curls" or "aren't you a handsome young man". Then I say, as we are all prone to at some point or another, in a sing-song voice "and he know it too!"
Marilyn
@ peachykeen
Lazy children do suck butt! There's one in my care who'll be 6 in a couple of months who struggles with coats and shoes. Another one who is 3.5, same as the one above who makes my neck hairs rise, who 'forgets' how to do things all the time. ARRGGGHH!
It drives me nuts too when mom and dad think it's cute that their precious angel has forgotten how to do basic things and helps them.
I got a dirty look from the almost-6 yo's mom the other day when I said to the boy "I'm going to start calling you Cinderella if mommy keeps putting on your shoes!"
Marilyn
Cindarella, ah ha ha. I bet your ears burned later that night while she was sharing that story.
With the cutesie smile thing trying to get out of trouble I find myself asking them if I'm smiling and that I don't think whatever they did was very cute. I think the phrase is "you're not going to cute yourself out of this one".
Yep, cute or not if they are turds then it affects how they are treated. I have a girl in my care, cute as can be but she isnt adjusting well, crys and sobs constantly and generally seems to hate being here. It makes my day 10x harder when she is here and I dread her appearance for the day. Kids that come, fit right into my small group, follow rules for the most part, thrive on my routine plus decent parents that also follow my rules make for a MUCH happier provider and in turn I think I treat them better.
I have 3 boys in my care and they are all sweeties because they fit in with my childcare and my personality, rarely do I have to console them, give them time-outs, scold them, etc. and one of them just started last week but he fit in since day 1.
I try to treat the girl the same but when she doesnt want to be hugged, crys, doesnt interact and basically is unhappy then I do have a harder time engaging her because it takes 10x more effort on her days here.
I agree with the study, as I am sure it is right and I am sure at some point we have all been capable of it.
Very interesting point and very interesting to see everyone's response!
Marilyn:
I've come up with a way to make the parents allow their children to be more independant.
At pick up time my "lazy" kids get a treat if they put on their shoes by themselves. If they don't, then they lose it....that means, if the parents put their shoes on, then THEY are the ones who feel guilty when you say to their child "Oh! sorry, you didn't do as asked and today you don't get to have your ________."
Now I know what I'm going to hear on this one...
"Bribing bribing bribing..." ....I held out doing this for MONTHS, because my opinion is that you don't reward expected behavior....BUT....my problem wasn't with the kids....it was with the parents, who weren't allowing their children to be independant. Now their parents know that if they do it for them, their will be tears all the way home about the M&M....and whose fault is it? The parents =)
Payback =D
Peachykeen
The bribing conversation is a toughie. I mean we all like to be rewarded for good behaviour, even though it should be expected.
But I bet you only have to pull that M&M trick once or twice before both parties tuned in!
Marilyn
(physically) kids get more attention. Initially anyway. As others have said, the personality has a huge affect for me as time goes on. I cared for a VERY attractive blond, curly haird boy but he whined and lied. It was difficult at times. ;-)
I'll take good natured and well-behaved anytime!
LMM
I am not sure it is cute kids more then easy going happy children that I seem to gravitate to.
If a child whines enough the cuteness sure seems to diminish quite fast.lol
Wow. I have read many of your posts but I have to put my foot down on this one. To state that the cuter the child is the more caring it will bring out in a daycare provider is just too weird in my opinion. I dont think that looks should have anything to do with how you view or care for a child, if you have this kind of mentality then maybe the daycare business is not for you :)
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