No one would argue that being a daycare provider requires a lot of tolerance and patience. There are times, in the world of daycare, when even the most patient person can become overwhelmed and feel the urge to tear out one's own hair. The question begs to be answered as to whether one's patience and tolerance grow or wane with every additional year of providing care.
I know some pretty terrific providers who have been in the business a very long time. If I were to examine their general attitude when speaking about daycare I would surmise that those in business the longest generally are most fulfilled and happy providing daycare. One could argue that perhaps years in the business speaks less about experience equating happiness and more so that those who stay in business longer do so because they always had a passion for the calling they chose.
Every time you meet with a fellow provider you will always here some grumbling or another. There is rarely a time when face to face contact with a colleague will not include some negative comment pertaining to the interaction with a parent or the behaviour of a child. I understand that as providers we are also extremely isolated and rarely get the opportunity to vent our frustrations in person. Therefore it makes sense that when providers do have an empathetic audience they are prone to finally get off their chest those issues that have frustrated them for so long. All this aside I made an interesting observation over the course of the summer.
Park days are common in my neighbourhood from June through September. It seems, that once the warm weather graces us with its presence, the daycare providers start to appear on every sidewalk, every park playground and every spray pad in the city. It is nearly impossible to visit one of these locations and not encounter a fellow provider. Being the kind, friendly folk that we are there is an unspoken magnetism of sisterhood and shared understanding that ties us together. Within five minutes at any park two daycare providers, previously strangers, will become fast friends in minutes swapping rate information, stories and anecdotes. It was during a few of these meetings this summer that I made a revelation ; older daycare providers complain less and appear far more patient then younger providers.
It has taken me a few months to absorb and decipher this new information. Granted, the sample is small and open to debate but I think it lends itself to question why this is. And so began a summer of acute park and provider forum observations.
I have a theory as to why this seems to be true. Being a mother myself with children who are now growing to be more independent I too, have found that I am more empathetic and tolerant of the children in my care. No, I still do not enjoy the logistical components of my job. I hazard to forecast I will never love changing poopy diapers. I will never love wiping snot. And I certainly will never love being puked on. It's just not going to happen. There is no way to sugar coat vomit despite all the claims by those ever positive gurus like Anthony Robbins or Wayne Dyer. No, I will never enjoy those specifics of my job but I have come to enjoy the kids more. Why is this?
My daycare career started when my own children were a mere three and one years old. I was in the throws of my own personal potty training, diaper days and sleepless nights. There was little left of me to give to the children in my care. When they went home for the day I was not done work but just continuing my 24/7 shift of motherhood and all things domestic. However, since my children are now nearly ten and six I find that I have more energy and emotional capacity to care for a child who is crying non-stop for their first two days. I can better deal with the diapers and the snot because at 4:30pm every day I get a break from it for the next fifteen hours.
Does age, experience and years served in motherdom make you a better provider? Perhaps. My small sample tells me it does. The problem with this theory is that far too many providers never get the chance to be in the ranks of those who are happy and fulfilled providing daycare. Most providers I have had the chance to meet stay in the daycare business only long enough to raise their own small children with every intention of going back to the real world once their children are in full time school. These providers, should they have stuck it out long enough, might have had the opportunity to see the other side of the rainbow.
I can't say that I have all the answers. Anyone who knows me also knows that I have far more questions about life than I do answers. But I do know that for me daycare is easier now than it ever was in the past. Hopefully one day I can add my own name to the small sample of "old birds" I see at the park with their little flock of kids. At that time I'll let you know what the colours are on the other side of the rainbow. But for now I'll plug away and hope to see the rainbow as I sit on my deck in the sticky air after a soft rain holding my coffee cup and taking in the sound of the birds in the trees.
Speaking of which. My deck chair is calling.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
10 comments:
I can actually speak from my experience. When my last child was born 18 years ago I began daycare. Like everyone else when he reached school age I went out to work. Now I've been back in daycare for a couple of years and wish I would of stuck it out. I've also worked in a large daycare in between. Yes, I definitely have more patience, understanding, and knowledge, and now love my work. I'm also more organized. I can't say enough about how I feel as an older provider.
I can absolutely say without a doubt your observations are correct. My husband says Im like Santa. Kids flock to me, at the park, the grocery, out to dinner,.. anywhere. He just tells their nervous looking parents,..I am like Tim Allen in the Santa Clause movie,.. sitting on a bench and kids will line up around me,..lol. My wife has done daycare for 20 years,.. kids sense that.
Laundryduchess
Reading green eggs and ham at the dentist office is just a hoot,..lol The office staff love it,..
At Interviews,..I have new moms come to me and you can visibly see they are shaken when their baby fusses, The nervously pick up their bundles and try to consol them. And eventually they do,.. they smile and say,.. sometimes the only one who can calm him down is me,... and then I take their bundles,.. hold them close,... and I think its because I have no anxiety about them. They can sense my comfort and seem to eother stay settled or settle down (of course my husband jokes that its the boob factor,lol) I am in fact the baby lady. And I enjoy it,.. Im not good at many things in my life,.. I cant knit, or braid hair. I cant cook artichokes to save my life,.. and have no patience for baking cookies. But this,.. is something I was called to do. I always get to hold the new babies in church, at family gatherings. People know their babies are safe with me. About 4 years ago I went through my records, and as of that date over 140 newborns, 109 potty trained, 89 families total,... add about 17 more to that family count and about 23 more kids,... Ive seen the majority of them at birth in the hospital. Cried when they started Kindergarten,.. Ive been to their weddings, seen their children born and held one close for a comforting hug when he came home from Iraq. Ive had a very loving, long and only half over career,... my life, is exactly what I would dream it to be. I can promise you that if you stick it out,.. no career comes with more satisfaction,.. when a Mother tells her 3 yr old,.. Miss Jill used to read that book to me too.... thats the best. To know that you loving them, helped them learn to love, and you get to see that love being returned to another new life,... that is worth the late pickups, snotty noses and early morning poop sessions.
I'm not sure if age makes you a better provider, but it certainly gives you a different persepective. I've been a home daycare provider for 4 years and my son is almost 16, so at the end of the work day I don't have to continue to be a "mother" figure in the evening. I do not have a ECE background or any formal education in childcare, but I once had a daycare parent tell me that my years experience raising a child of my own was far more important to her than any papers with my name on it I may have. She hoped that I would help her to raise her son to turn out as polite and responsible as she felt my son is.
I agree. Now, if only there was a pot of gold on the other side....
Qwerty
I liken it to the first time parents syndrome. You know how your always extra careful with you first, you worry about everything and by the time the second comes along, you've calmed down a bit. I think it's the same with Daycare. those seasoned daycare ladies have been the part-time parents of hundreds of kids. I've only been at this a few years, but already I can see the difference between myself and those just starting. Definitely, having my own kids sleep through the night has calmed me down substantially :0)
Great post Judy - I feel myself that I am more calm and patient as my own children have grown. I credit this to more sleep too! LOL.
I'm anxious as we are now expecting a third child - very unplanned, but a gift all the same. I am not looking forward to sleepless nights, aching boobs, and another car seat. But babies are pretty darn cute and cuddly and I'm thankful that with my job I don't have to ship jr. off while I go out to work. Yep, I can see myself doing daycare for a long, long time.
I think for me the years of experience have not only given me more patience with the children but also with their parents. I can spot families that will or will not work in my Daycare within the first minute of a conversation. I have much more confidence in myself and my ability as a provider than I did when I was half asleep during the interviews if they were after 7:30 pm. I am also more relaxed about things parents say and yet know when to pick my battles. I know now when I'm being taken avantage of and I know how to respond to people when they say "with all of your education, you stay home and change diapers all day?" I am extremely happy and fufilled doing what I do. How many people do you know can honestly say that?
Great topic!
so true!
my friend in hamilton is a home daycare provider and has been in this business for many years. she has so much patience, love and experience for her daycare kiddos. her own daughters are grown up with kids of their own. so she is not at home working with her own kids. if i were to leave my kids in child care, i would look for someone like her!
good post judy:)
momto2
Awe momofalmost2 thanks ;)
I think that a support group or joining an organization that fosters the relationship between parent and clients by lending a sympathetic ear and allowing daycare providers to express their frustrations and feelings about their business. I think it is a wonderful exercise and keeps the objectivity for daycare providers.
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