Would you like to know what could possibly be worse than a parent angry at you for cancelling a special baking day? I thought you might. Worse than a parent being angry is a parent not even knowing that it was a special activity day to start with. Yes, folks you read it correctly - not one parent knew it was a special activity day.
Yesterday, on the blog, I mentioned that my group was so exhausted that I made the decision to not carry out our plans for the day. I wrongly assumed that cancelling a special activity might also prompt the parents to ensure that next Monday their children came prepared for the day. Well, one can not be upset that an event did not occur if they were oblivious to its existence. How do parents become so clueless?
Every month I send out an email informing all the daycare parents of any upcoming events, changes or holidays. Attached to this email is a calendar that not only includes the menu for each care day but special activities throughout the month. As every provider knows, a lot of care and thought goes in to a monthly calendar. Each day's menu and activities need to have taken into account the group of children in care that particular day. We labour over the calendar and include activities and events that entertain the children and fulfill those specific for all the hoop-la we were grilled about one day in the past when the parents sat in our living rooms appearing to be concerned that their child would be "stimulated" enough. One must wonder; where are those same parents now?
I understand that the 2009 parent is very busy. I'm a parent too. However, I seem to manage my own childrens' calendar along with a daycare calendar. I remember every birthday of the children in care, shop for a gift and throw a party in their honour. I remember all holidays, and even some of the parents' birthdays. I find time to have children make home made cards for their parents' birthdays, Valentine's Day and the rest of the gamut of card-worthy days. Why then, is it not possible for parents to remember, if even for a fleeting second, that a special activity has been planned for their child? It is too much to ask that they, in the very least, remember the activity and feign interest upon pick-up and thus, make their child feel important? Being a parent is hard work. I know - I'm a parent to two children and day time parent to five others. That being said, I fail to see the stumbling block.
Next month I have given thought to not including any special days. I can only wonder if the parents will even notice. Maybe I'll not bother to prepare and cook all of the whole-foods, homemade lunches and snacks either. I'll replace meatloaf and potatoes with peanut butter sandwiches and chips, and the lasagna and garlic bread with Chef Boy Ardee and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. My guess is the kids would be happier and the parents wouldn't have opened the attachment much less the email.
Ah, who am I kidding? We all know that as much as I would like to stop taking time to plan the special events and cooking those time-consuming meals I will continue to do so. Why? Because what I do is done for the sake of the kids. I stopped bothering a long time ago to do anything for the parents. I often complain about the parents not spending enough time with their children. Maybe it's better they are here with me. At least I know what they did all day. Sometimes I think I know more about them than their parents.
I'm already working on October's calendar. Perhaps I'll do a little experiment and include the special days on our circle time calendar but omit them from my emailed version. I hazard to predict they won't be missed. It would be a interesting experiment and in the end the kids would still get what they deserve - special days and someone who fosters excitement and anticipation at the arrival of those days. Oh, and in case you are wondering - that person would be me.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
It's really sad, but more and more I see parents that just don't really care what their child does at daycare. No wonder $20 providers can keep their doors open. Parents don't care if kids just sit and watch T.V and eat KD ,or if they do a craft, or bake, or whatever else we have planned.
ReplyDeleteIf it is any consolation, it is nice to know we are NEEDED that much. They also TRUST us that much that they have stopped micromanaging. They don't have to think about their child between 8 and 5 and it is a relief. It becomes motivation to keep doing what we do and to do it well. I get you though...but sometimes I have to remind myself to keep the parents out of it in order to provide great care.
ReplyDeleteQwerty
Maybe send out a "fake" calendar a silly picture or jok and at the bottom of the attachment page tell parents that it's just a way to see if the calendars are still necessary and to email you to get the actual monthly calendar. That way you'll find out if parent's really do read the attachments and if they're worth it. Perhaps they were all tired from the weekend too?!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work.
I like Jennifer's idea about a "fake" calendar. Maybe include special field trips to pick up all the dog poop in the neighborhood or making worm pies to be taken home. Have a "share a booger" day. You would sure know who is reading your calendar then.
ReplyDeleteLaurie
You know I have been trying for years to get organized enough to do the whole monthly newsletter, menu plan calendar thing. I finally got it going last week and you know what. Only one parents commented on it. Now I am wondering if it's worth the effort. (((( hugs))) to you. Now why is it good childcare is so hard to find??? Oh yes, it's becasue parents won't stop alienating all the good providers.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a monthly calendar and weekly menus sent home - not anymore - parents were too busy to follow the special days (never sent any items on specific days) ie: teddy bear day,favourite toy day, pj day etc. So I suddenly stopped 1 month sending it out - you know what - not even 1 family questioned it! From then on I fly by the seat of my pants with no pre-planned special activities.
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad that nobody even questioned your special activity Judy!
Judy,
ReplyDeleteI have been a fan of your blog snce I started reading it a few months ago (I even went back and read every entry), but lately I am finding them to be very rude and demeaning towards parents. I too am a DCP and admit that my families can and do irk me at times but in the end I know that they are the child's parents and no matter what, they will do as they please. I would love to get more appreciation then I do get but I don't get upset about it. I do the best I can with what I have and in my heart of hearts I know that what I do makes a difference to these children. Everything I do is for the kids, not for a 'Day Care Provider of the Year Award'.
It seems to me like you are almost craving constant appreciation and DEMANDING families respect you...but both of those things only come with time, effort and mutuality between both parties.
Based on your last few blogs, I would almost think you are starting to burn out and just don't realize it yet.
I look forward to continuing to read your daily blogs but I hope that they soon return to the light heated banter and resource for fellow DCP's that they were rather than the 'bashing' site they seem to have become.
Dmansmommy
Hahaha!! I like the "share a booger day" idea! Too funny!
ReplyDeleteDmanmsmommy:
ReplyDeleteYep, I agree there have been a few negative posts in the last month. Writing comes easily to me because I write how I feel and from what my experiences have been. I am also influenced by the general daycare "feel" at any moment in time felt not only by myself but other providers as well. Visit any of the myriad of real, honest forums these days and you will leave shaking your head. There is something in the air this month because there are some very upsetting and ridiculous parent/providers incidences occurring as of late. I don't know the "why" of it but I do know that over the summer parents have lost all sense of reason and are requesting unrealistic situations, demanding more from their providers, not paying their fees, asking providers to keep one year olds up from naps, etc etc. So, is it "bashing"? Maybe. But the purpose of this site is for everyone to realize they are not alone when having a bad day. I may be wrong in my assumption but I assume there are far more providers out there who are once and for all relieved to feel that their feelings are "normal" and validated.
I for one and relieved to know that others do feel the way I do. It's made my job alot easier and happier because I know I'm not losing my mind. Thanks Judy.
ReplyDeleteThis blog entry you complain that parents don't pay enough attention to their children Quote: I often complain about the parents not spending enough time with their children. end Quote. And a few entries ago you complained about parents who are too attached to their children. It feels like your parents just can't do right by you. Nobody is perfect. Parents do their best even if you don't agree with what they are doing; they are the childs parents, and what they are doing as parents is what is best for THEIR family.
ReplyDeleteAs for the programming for your day and week etc... well it should be done for the children not for the parents, the children are the ones in your care, not the parents.
Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteFirst, being ATTACHED 24/7 to your child and "spending time" with them are two different things in the context of the quotes you cited. Second, it IS the parents responsibility to ensure their children are prepared for the programming. One would NEVER send their child to school without having completed the homework assigned that built on the next days lesson or send their child on a field trip day without their bathing suit etc that was needed for the trip. When children go to JK they are often asked to contribute jelly beans or some other thing to contribute to a special baking day etc. And YES, you pay for the school to do those things too so I'll stop that arguement before it gets started.
You're right the programming IS for the kids but it can not be carried out if the parents do not do their job to ensure their child is prepared to carry out the program.
By the way....to all of you who seem to have surfaced lately to only offer negative comments and pot shots toward the honest, hard working daycare providers who comment here.....thanks. You are only serving to boost my visits and site ranking. And yes, that "thanks" was sarcastic!
ReplyDeleteThere are honest hardworking parents who read this blog as well. I have a hard tome reading about constant criticism towards the parents. I don't feel too much constructive criticism happens. It is hard to read sometimes as I feel like I have to defend myself, and perhaps the true meaning of this blog gets lost in that.
ReplyDeleteIn your intro you mention it would be a good blog for parents to read so they get the true aspect of daycare.
Good god Judy, maybe you should just write a couple of sugary sweet blogs about how wonderful it all is and maybe the hurt feelings will decide they have put you back on the straight and narrow and go somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteI personally like going to forums where I don't agree with others because, I don't know, I guess I like getting my hackles raised over stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with myself. But I usually don't write back about it. Obviously this place is the exception. Maybe it's because I enjoy your blog so much and would hate to see you change it. I have great parents and kids at the moment except for one family who just....argh, it's my own fault because I allow it. I need to know I'm not the only sucker out there and I need to see how other people lived after standing up for themselves and not allowing themselves to be walked on.
I'm a home DCP and I DO NOT want to hear about what wonderful clients you have and how cute it is when another child launches a snot rocket at their little friend. I want to hear about the crap you deal with so I know I'm not alone. Misery loves company.
I you don't want to hear the ugly stuff go to the "It's all sunshine and lollipops" blog.
It's Judy's blog, so she's entitled to write what she wants. If she wants to complain, let her complain; I personally sit here reading these blogs and think to myself "Wow! I wish I had the guts to be able to say half of what she says!"
ReplyDeleteNannyTS
"There are honest hardworking parents who read this blog as well. I have a hard tome reading about constant criticism towards the parents. I don't feel too much constructive criticism happens. It is hard to read sometimes as I feel like I have to defend myself, and perhaps the true meaning of this blog gets lost in that.
ReplyDeleteIn your intro you mention it would be a good blog for parents to read so they get the true aspect of daycare."
Should read this blog doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with it being positive. I think many parents do these things without realising it, which is why it's good to get the perspective of a provider. In fact there are probably several parents checking their calendar over today to make sure "share a booger" day isn't on there. Everyone like to be recognized for a job well done, providers too.
Now you may be one of those precious few parents who truly appreciate there provider and show it. there are post about the "golden parents" , read those. Sad truth is though that the vast majority do no fall into the category of Golden. this is a place where childcare provider can express their fellings ( even the less fuzzy ones) and where parents can learn to better understand childcare.
Plenty of parents bitch about their providers, do you honestly think it doesn't go both ways?
Hey anonymous....
ReplyDeleteSo you wanna make it even? Go and start a blog on daycare providers from a parent's persepective. Then come on over here and give us a link. I'm sure we would all be glad to read it. And I'm not even being sarcastic (yes, miracles do exist!).
The only problem with my solution above is that there ARE plenty of places on the internet where parents openly flack daycare providers. But show my just ONE where providers get to do the same without retribution? I'm pretty sure this blog is unique in the sense that it openly tells the WHOLE story about daycare. There is no sugar coating and we are open. DO I (we) still get flacked? Yes we do! But try being a daycare provider and going to a parents forum/blog and defending a daycare provider and your hair will be on fire. Why is it that it's "okay" for parents to complain about providers ALL...THE...TIME...but the reverse is suddenly not acceptable? Why the double standard? I'm seriously curious how you justify that.
Judy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for responding to my post about this.
First of all, I didn't mean to start another fight on here...I have just worked with some people who were 'burning out' and became very negative and demeaning towards EVERYONE they worked with (parents/staff/children). Sometimes it takes someone else to point out what they are saying/doing for them to realize that they were indeed burning out.
You made your point that there seems to be a rash of inconsiderate parents that you are meeting/hearing about, and again, I do understand that. My main point was that I DO like reading your blogs because it did make me feel so 'not alone' out there with my thoughts/feelings/experiences etc. I liked the sarcastic way of thinking you present about issues we are all confronted about sometimes almost daily. However, what I didn't like was the extremely negative tones the last few posts seemed to be taking.
Again, thank you for replying and I look forward to many more blogs on here!
Dmansmommy
ps: pls don't think I just 'appeared' on here...I have commented a few times, but my user name won't work...finally decided to just 'sign' my posts so I wasn't 'anonymous' anymore
I have a question.
ReplyDeleteJudy, before blogging your frustrations have you sat down with the dc parents and discussed the issues you're concerned with? Or do you simply blog first? Do your dc parents know you write a blog about this stuff? If so how do they feel about it? If not, why not point them to the blog?
I can say from being a HCC and a centre based teacher, the same can happen anywhere and does. Do you know how many times we need to remind parnets we are closed for holidays? MANY! In writing, verbally, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe same thing DOES happen for school aged children too. There will always be families that can't seem to organize it all. I'm sure we've all struggled with this over time.
I agree that venting is healthy but also dealing with your concern head-on can be effective as well. Good point from another reader of your blog. You sound very organized with programming. Maybe it would be less frustrating if the calendar was your own resource as opposed to the parents. Face-to-face reminders seem to work best anyway IME.
LMM
I did the double sided, full of info monthly newsletter. Fun recipe on the backside, etc. It would take me days to get it done and the parents didnt care.
ReplyDeleteI now do a quick short to the point updated monthly one. It takes me about 30 min. and has the info they need. If they read it fine, if not then too bad for them and I dont feel like I wasted my time.
I used to have a menu form to fill out daily with what they had for the day. Parents didnt care, once again.... so I quit spending 20 minutes filling them out daily. The world didnt end, parents didnt notice and I had time to drink a cup of coffee during nap and not feel guilty!
Haha these things do happen and I cant say that I'm not one to have had fewer experiences that what I would have wanted. There will always be parents who dont "care enough" to read their emails or listen to the answering machine especially if you leave reminders about special activity days at the daycare, when they do arrive they give you that clueless and annoyed look that makes it seem like it was all your fault that you didnt drop dead to make sure they were reminded enough.
ReplyDelete