Expect And You Will Receive

Is each new generation genetically flawed? Are we just getting dumber? Is all progeny of our generation developmentally delayed? I ask these questions because the children of today are less adept at those normal developmental milestones expected of us as children. I know I'm smart. I was potty trained at two and a half years old. I learned to tie my shoes before I got on the bus the first day of kindergarten. If I compare myself as a child to most of the kids in my care I would have to assume that I was a child genius.

Why is it that in 2009 most kids who attend grade one can not tie their shoes? I think it's great that Velcro has done so well. I'm sure that somewhere, in a Malibu mansion, sits its inventor sipping lattes and pina coladas. However, the inventor must also understand what a great disservice he has done to millions of children while serving the laziness of their parents. Step in to any shoe store and you will find that it is actually possible to wear shoes your entire lifetime and never, ever, have to acquire the skills necessary to tie a pair of laces.

What is wrong with kids these days? The more children I come in contact with the more I realize that we are raising a generation of dependent, whiny people who are not much fun to interact with. Why is this? Why are kids more dependent than ever? I have a theory and a name for that theory. I call it daycare guilt.

The more hours a child spends in non-parental care the more dependent that child. Parents, due to guilt of wanting more and therefore working more to afford the 'more, more, more' feel tremendous guilt at dropping their child in the care of a stranger fifty plus hours a week. When the parents do get a few rare hours to spend with their precious gift they do not want to sully that cherished time chastising the child for ill behaviour. Parents would rather bend down and put on the shoe of their four year old than listen to the child whine about needing help or worse, exploding into a tantrum that involves throwing that shoe. No, instead parents fall slave to their child's emotions and tread an ever finer path so as not to upset the small tyrant they have created.

Sadly, I know that most of the same children who claim to not be able to do X, Y, or Z while in their parents presence do in fact, have the skills to complete the task. There are few three or four year olds in my care who can not put on their own coat or shoes independently. Somehow, by some miracle these same children forget their acquired skill the minute their parents open the door at pick up time.

Parents need to stop feeding into their guilt and start doing what is in the best interest of their child. Offering to spoon feed a two year old is not acceptable. Yes, it's warm and it's fuzzy to sit with your child while they eat but for God's sake allow the child to use his hands. Parents need to step back and allow their children the opportunity - yes, I said "opportunity" - to grow and develop. Giving in to self-serving behaviour and towing the line for them will not allow for maturity and learning.

I recently read that daycare centres have had to change their policy concerning potty training. The standard has always been that a child could not advance to the preschool room unless the child was potty-trained. This rule seemed reasonable to me. Preschoolers are supposed to be independent children who are honing their skills rather than learning new ones. There was a financial incentive as well. Preschool rooms have a higher caretaker to child ratio and that cost savings has always been passed on to parents. Apparently, enough parents thought it discriminatory to stipulate a three year old must be potty trained in order to graduate. This notion is utterly ridiculous. Isn't the meaning of 'graduate' to advance, to have achieved a specific set of skills? Let's just keep pushing our children toward the golden egg without ever giving them reason to work for it. I'm sure kindergarten teachers all over the country are wincing with anticipation of those same parents to challenge that the school system is discriminatory as well. I'm glad I'm not a teacher.

Pampers and Huggies had a great idea when they came out with the disposable diaper. I wonder if they ever fathomed at the inception of their idea that one day, thirty years in the future they would have size six or larger diapers? If your three year old needs a diaper you can just buy Pull-ups that will afford you another year of laziness toward potty training. And when they aren't trained at five years you could always move on to Good Nites "underpants" or "boxers". But please, parents I ask one more thing. When you transition your child to the Good Nites "underpants" at least call them by their rightful name - diapers.

Parents - stop babying your children. Allow your child to grow and develop as his innate intended. Stop coddling, spoon-feeding, carrying, whining along side your three and four year old. In fact, start earlier than that. Get wild and crazy and offer your twelve month old a plastic fork and allow him to feed himself at dinner tonight. Who cares if he doesn't use the fork? He has hands for a reason. And while your at it why don't you allow that same child to climb the stairs himself? Stand behind him, encourage him and reward him with a big hug when he makes it all the way to the top. Children are not china dolls. They won't break.

I wish more parents could peek into my world of daycare every day their child is here; they would be amazed. The parents would learn first hand that little Johnny can in fact listen to direction, help tidy up the playroom, put on his own coat, slip on and fasten his velcro shoes and all of those task with a smile on his face and not tear in sight. No, little Johnny did not gain brain cells when he walked into my home. He was simply allowed to be a child; a child capable of so much more than his parents ever expect of him. There is an old proverb that says people will only live up to others' expectations of them. Do your child a favour and have only the highest of expectations. One day your child will meet those expectation. As a parent what better gift could you give?
















For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca