There comes a time in your daycare career that you either have to smile, let it all slide or scream at the top of your lungs like a crazy person. It is inevitable in this job that there will be times that the priorities (or lack thereof) of the families in your care will affect you emotionally. It is impossible to care for a child for years and not feel some sort of resentment toward a parent who, you deem, is acting selfishly at the expense of their children.
Today in my care are two little girls who are celebrating their third birthday. Children rarely understand the significance of birthdays until the age of three. It is this year that these two children are excited with anticipation at what this special day holds in store for them. Sadly, what is in store for them also includes a full day in my care with, I would bet, will not be an early day.
I have stated before my general disdain for parents who repeatedly take mental health days without any care or consideration for their children. Often, these parents take paid days off a few times a month but never find the time or the need to keep their children home with them. I find it incredibly hard to believe that a parent, who spends fifty hours a week away from their child, wouldn't soak up every extra available minute with their precious gifts. Perhaps I am naive and living in the little town of PollyAnaVille myself with the misguided notion that parents are supposed to enjoy time with their children.
One would assume that if a parent has more than three months of paid vacation time a year that they might take one day a year to spend with their children. What a special gift to give a child on their birthday - a day with mommy or daddy. There is no pretty, packaged toy or gift that can trump time and attention. There never has been such a gift and I dare say there never will be.
I appreciate the sentiment that parents assume I am such a loving, warm hearted person as to make their child's birthday a special day. Is that really my job? Should the responsibility of happiness and childhood memories be that of a daycare provider? When a child is eighteen do parents really want their memories of the child's third birthday to be that of their daycare provider; I sincerely hope not.
It would be a lie to say that I am not angry today. It would also be a lie to admit that I am not saddened by the selfishness of two parents at the expense of their children. In fact, outrage might be a better word. If Facebook is once again my loyal spy then one of the parents of these little girls is enjoying a day off while their children are in daycare on their third birthday. In what universe is that acceptable?
Today I will carry on as usual, picking up the slack where it is needed. I have passed out balloons and flower crowns, shook my booty at the dance party and can smell cupcakes in the kitchen. Yes, leave it to me. I'll make the day special; someone has to.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
21 comments:
Oh Judy, my heart goes out to those girls. They are so lucky to have you in their life.
Marilyn
This makes me so sad.
As said above, they are lucky to have you.
Tara.
Let me be the Angel of Optimism here and suggest that these parents are obviously using this time, with their 2 darlings out of the house, to prepare their home for the out of this world, fantastical surprise party awaiting the kid's return tonight. There will be clowns and ponies and make your own sundaes, and all of their friends and family will be there with gifts galore!!
I know this because that would be the only thing that would make these 2 kids being left in care on their birthday while a parent is at home an alright deal. Because of course these parents are aware that their darlings will never turn 3 again, and that the experiences they have today will be the lifelong memories they carry forever. That's just not something caring parents like these would ever neglect. What lucky kids!! (insert fake smile here/add eyeroll)
That is so sad, really. Why some people even bother having children, I really don't know; clearly not because they enjoy them.
Well I already commented about this on your facebook this morning. I am still saddened by this. What kind of work do these parents do? We are obviously in the wrong line of work Judy! But there is no way I'd leave my kid at the sitters if I was to secure their birthday off of work!!! Do your kids have b-days coming up? You should pointedly take those days off to teach these loser parents a lesson!
I myself went through this last month. A little boy I watch-his mother had the odacity to inform me I was to give him his cake and his present-from them-and take pictures of him eating his cake. It was heartbreaking.
I also found out that the only celebration of the event would be that one at my house. So he didn't even get a party later with friends or anything.
So sad.
I have been blessed not to have to go through this with a child...something that I will appreciate even more after this post. Of course, we still do the birthday song and dance around here too, but usually it has to be a day or two early since mom and dad step up and take the day off. Now, if they were unable to, that's one thing...but if you're right, and one of them is home (let's hope prepping for a surprise party like pp suggested) my heart is saddened. Good Lord, there's even 2 kiddos to celebrate!
Lorena
Once again, well written!
I do not get it. And how is hard to bring cupcakes TO daycare so your child can share their special day with their friends.
I do not ask or tell them no about cupcakes. Never had a parent ask until Feb. of this year. I said sure, bring 'em! In June, another Mom brought them for their child. Now, the Mom of my 4 yr old knows this and I wasnt sure if they would follow thru and bring something yesterday or not. I was pretty sure NOT. I was right. He has been in my care for 3 years, he turned 4. He has been here to see his friends parents bring cupcakes to celebrate their birthdays and KNOWS he should have them too. Well, good daycare provider that I am and knowing these parents as I do. I asked him last week WHAT flavor he wanted, had it here in case and quickly made them and had them in the oven within 15 min. of his arrival. We had a great day, he was pleased but it just made me MAD at the parents! Take 5 min. at the store and pick up a package of cookies or cupcakes, etc.
As for your parent Judy who is home on their child's special day while they are at your house, well they just suck! ITA with a previous post about let's hope they are off today so they can be creating a birthday party of AWESOME proportion but I doubt it.
HUGS to you for being a GREAT provider and creating a special day for those girls!!!
Well, no party tonight. Sad, sad, sad. On another note....I have NEVER had a parent bring cupcakes or a cake for their child's birthday. Nope, it's ALWAYS little ole me who rises to the occassion. Some parents just suck.
From what I've gathered it often comes down to -I have to pay for the day if my child attends or not, must get my money's worth.
Enjoy the memmories you are helping to create for these children.
That is sad and disgusting that a parent would do that. I could understand if they couldn't take the day off for their b-day but to take it off AND still take them to your house...that's brutal. I can just feel the love radiating off of them...insert eye roll.
While I wouldn't assume a parent would take their child's birthday off or bring cupcakes to my home for a "party", I'd be hurt for the child if I knew the parent was actually off and didn't spend extra time with their kids. SAD!
Glad even though you feel angry, you can provide a positive memory for the child today with their daycare friends.
I'll be PollyAnna as well and say the parents will have a party with family and/or friends on the weekend. It's not always about TODAY and we can't assume they aren't celebrating in another way. Let's not carry this too far. Judging can be harsh.
LMM
I had to laugh this morning, one of my moms brought in home made muffins this morning :) Maybe she's a following of your blog Judy?? It was nobody's birthday but it was nice to have a treat to share with the kids today :)
I have had this happen too, parents off all day, child spending the day with me. Sad. I understand that life is busy, but birthdays should be special.
You have to understand that these situations are excactly why there are nanies and daycares to begin with. It may be an unprofound thing to say but the situation of today's society foster the provision of a secondary parent in the image of a daycare provider or hired help.
I have experienced something similar in my business, where the parents of the child I was caring for literally asked me if they could just give me a couple of hundred dollars to arrange the kids birthday party and take pictures for them because they had other things to do that day. Yes, it is sad but we have to face the reality that not all families are gifted with nurturing parents.
While I wouldn't assume a parent would take their child's birthday off or bring cupcakes to my home for a "party", I'd be hurt for the child if I knew the parent was actually off and didn't spend extra time with their kids. SAD!
Glad even though you feel angry, you can provide a positive memory for the child today with their daycare friends. - Well the important thing to take away from this is that we shouldnt dwell on how much of a **hole the parents were but just work hard to provide the child with a memorable experience that will not only honor their birthday but make them feel that their parents did give a rats tushie.
Over 3 months of paid vacation a year???? Holy crap! Where do they work? I want that deal too. I've never heard of that much vacation unless you've been somewhere for 30+ years and even then it's only 30 days a year! WOW!
I've actually had a child in my care on their first birthday before! Can you believe it? Never in a million years could I live with myself for not taking the day with my child for their first birthday.
What a bunch of judgmental assholes you all are.
"What a bunch of judgmental assholes you all are"
When a child is what can only be described as "abandoned" on their birthday at my home, in DAYCARE...then yes. You have been judged. I think it's terrible. Birthdays are special, and I can understand if parents have to work etc...but I have NEVER had a parent who has had the child celebrate with my family, celebrate it at home.
AND i've had mother's ditch their child at Daycare on the child's birthday to not even have work, or celebrate the event later.
I'm entitled to FEEL. I FEEL it's wrong to not spend a birthday with your kid. ESPECIALLY if you are able.
You can't possibly think that's okay. If you do that's fine, but this is a blog for the opinions of the providers (NOT ONE PROVIDER WILL AGREE THAT IT IS OKAY TO LEAVE A CHILD IN DAYCARE ON THEIR BIRTHDAY..UNLESS THERE ARE SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES)
This is Daycare PROVIDER Connection
NOT
PARENT Connection.
~S~
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