Bad Mommies Need To Buck Up

While relaxing after a long, hard day's work I was surfing through the television channels in an attempt to find some programming that would pique my interest. As I rounded those one hundred level channels that include such paint drying equivalents as C-span and the French provincial parliament channel I happened upon channel two. In my city channel two is TVO. Anyone who lives in the province of Ontario is familiar with the dry, yet informative nature of TVO programming. It's great for information and compelling subjects of discussion but the entertainment value is non-existent. And unfortunately, the Agenda with Steve Paikin is not immune. Nonetheless, the topic of the day was of great interest so I fluffed up my pillows and laid back to enjoy the show.

The panel that night included a child psychotherapist, a columnist and stay-at-home-dad, and three ladies who all own blogs relating to parenting. In particular two of the panelists had blogs dedicated to being a "bad mom". On their blogs readers were welcome to contribute their bad parenting stories as a method of freeing themselves from the burden of guilt. As a parent I too could relate that we are far from perfect. We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them so as not to repeat our errors. However, as the program progressed I was shocked and appalled at some of the confessions the blogs contained. And, worse yet, were the panelists defending the contributors past indiscretions in the name of a united front. Their arguments were that as long as we are trying to do our best we should not, in fact, feel like bad parents. Really? I beg to differ.

I suppose my objection to the entire notion of bad parenting being the norm was how it affects me as a daycare provider. Not only do I, as a provider often have to pick up the slack and make up for bad parenting on the part of those parents whose children I have in care I get the honour of the double-whammy. How often is it that daycare providers are poo-bahed and admonished for our perceived indiscretions? In fact, right here on this blog there are many comments pertaining to our accused inadequacies and faults with regard to the concern of the children for whom we get paid to care for. It became very clear as I watched that TVO program that there exists a double standard - and a big one at that. It seems there are quite a few people living in those proverbial glass houses throwing stones at their neighbourhood daycare provider.

Such admitted indiscretion on the panelists' blogs included:

• Not changing a child for six or more hours or until their diaper was nearly falling off it was so full of excrement
• Stealing money from their own children while blaming a sibling for the theft
• Lying to a child and telling them their birthday was in fact the next day because the parent had failed to buy a gift or prepare anything for the child whose birthday was in fact that very day
• Leaving children to watch television for the entire day so the mother could have "me" time
• Allowing children to eat chips and candy for breakfast because a parent was too lazy to bother to make a nutritious meal
• Leaving a sleeping child in a crib while the parent made a trip to the corner store

I think that most of these admitted acts is appalling in their own right, some more than others. But what strikes me as both bizarre and as a source of frustration is how most parents admittedly drop the ball but still find it appropriate to demean daycare providers.

I visit a number of parenting and daycare provider forums each day. And without fail every day I read a post either by a parent or about a parent being upset with a daycare provider for faults far less offensive than those above parents are admitting to. Getting upset because your child's face was dirty seems to be less important that a parent allowing their child to walk around in a six hour old dirty diaper or running to the corner store for coffee cream while leaving their toddler at home.

There always exists a double standard. Yes, I understand that in fact I get paid to ensure your child is not wearing a ten pound diaper and eating Doritos for lunch. But the fact that I receive payment is not my motivation for ensuring your child is well-fed and dry. No, it's call basic human decency toward another human being - a child nonetheless. Besides, as a parent I would think your love and affection for your progeny would trump financial retribution as a reason to properly care for your most precious gift. Apparently I am way off the mark holding that steadfast mentality.

When are parents going to cut us a break? When will be be viewed as simple human beings. Yes, we are pretty fantastic. Where else can you find a woman who can multi-task eating a sandwich while feeding a bottle and surfing a forum? But we are infallible just like everyone else. We might have our faults but in reality if the Bad Mommy Blog has any merit at all we are doing a stupendous job.

So, the next time a parent complains that Sally's hands are sticky at pick up I will be sure to point out the fact that Sally came in the dead of winter without a hat. Or how Sally could benefit from a sit down breakfast instead of Timbits in the car on the way to daycare. Yep, it's called tit for tat. I'll play the game any day. And in the mean time I'm sure as hell not going to beat myself up if Johnny waits five minutes to be changed because Suzy fell down and needs a cuddle. I do a good job; and I suspect far better that most parents.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca