Thank You. Two simple words. Is it so hard to use those two words? Is it too time consuming? Are they too difficult? Thank You. I'll even settle for 'thanks'.
Last week all the daycare children were excited about Halloween. They talked about their costumes and the fantasies attached to their special persona for one night. We made special Halloween cupcakes, sang the Monster Mash, ate orange macaroni and black beans. We had a blast at our daycare party. At the end of the day I handed out special treat bags to each child and wished them a safe and happy Halloween.
Treat bags are an item I put together for every holiday. The last care day before Easter, Valentine's, and Halloween you will find, sitting on my front hall table, five little bags, all labelled ready to hand out to each child. The items contained within the bags vary from year to year. There are a few standard items such as Play-doh and crayons and candy treats that are always included. In addition to those items on any given occasion the bags might also include everything from socks to balls. I even go so far as to personalize each and every bag so that the child's favourite colour or theme character might be included.
Every Christmas and for each child's birthday I go out of my way to ensure that a special gift has been purchased and lovingly wrapped with them in mind. I browse aisles and catalogues searching for that one special item I think the individual child will enjoy. I spend much time and money and a lot of consideration in making this gift giving opportunity special. And watching the child's eyes light up when you hand over the big wrapped box is moment worth all of the work.
I go out of my way to ensure that each child's holidays, whether it be the meager Halloween or the mystery of Christmas are special and joyful. But as the years pass I will admit that much of the fun diminishes a little bit more.
It astounds me that we now live in a time wherein basic manners such as extending thanks to someone are no longer deemed necessary. In the past year I have not once received a thank you from a daycare parent for a gift bestowed upon their child. One would assume that two words that could be spoken in less than a second would be at the forefront of a parent's mind the moment they see you again after having opened the gift. Once again my assumptions are wrong as not one parent thanked me for having given their child a Halloween loot bag.
What are we, as parents, teaching our kids if we can not instill even the most basic of societal etiquette? Do we really want our children to be spared being polite and instead feel entitled? Can we not take two minutes out of our day a few times a year to create a homemade card of construction paper and crayons? Can we not utter a few simple words that in and of themselves are just letters stringed together by the giver but a warming of the heart of the receiver? Perhaps I am naive or too emotional.
I am not they type of person who seeks validation or recognition. I could care less what others opinions are of me. But I do feel hurt by a parent who does not have the fortitude to look past their self-serving, arrogant, interests and notice me. Yes, hi there, I am the person who, when you are not there, is most instrumental in your child's life. I am the person who saw your child's first steps but had enough empathy for you as a parent to keep it to myself and allow you to announce her new milestone. I am the person who kisses your child's scraped knee while you sit in a boardroom. And I am the person who ensures that your child has a birthday party on his special day when he is here with me instead of you. For that alone, and all gifts aside, do I not deserve thanks?
I often wonder what would happen if I stopped putting forth the effort of gifting children. Would the parents even notice? I wonder. Unfortunately I do not have that luxury. Teaching the parents a lesson in entitlement comes at the expense of the children. Quite frankly I am not willing to be the bad guy yet again.
For now I will relish in the fact that I do make a difference. Ever gift I give will be noticed by the child. Perhaps the parents will overlook my efforts. Somethings never change. For now all thanks extended to me will come from the wide eyed looks of excitement from the children. For now, that will have to suffice.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
15 comments:
I have one dcp who has never thanked me for any of the little gifts or parties I have thrown for her 3 children in my care. I now only watch 2 (as the older one no longer needs daycare) and just recently, it was the youngest girls birthday and I gave the gift to the mom to hold as they left and she said nothing!! No thanks either for the Halloween loot bag they received Friday. At least our children have learned from us to always thank someone for their thoughtfulness :)
Here's a get real story for you: A family down the street needed care for their 3 yo son PT beginning last Oct, and I agreed. Loved the little boy, but the parents routinely picked up late, added days (and then didn't want to pay for them), and in general argued with me over pay, food and anything else they could think of. In May, the father graduated college and took on a new job. They quit without giving their 2 wk notice (but I had a 2 wk deposit so I wasn't out anything but a replacement). Family had another boy in August. Mom returned to work this past Monday. On Saturday, she came down the street, boys in tow, finally introducing me to the newest little one. She gave me a sob story about how the daycare facility the boys are in currently eats up her whole paycheck and asked me if I had found a job. Boy, was I glad to tell her YES. As soon as she heard that, she called to her oldest, who was playing with my son, and took off back down the street.
Now imagine that--not a "Hey, we would like you to care for them because of the amazing job you did last time." Never mind the birthday parties, Halloween treats, and Christmas gifts he was bought and enjoyed. The daily crafts, outings, and fun he had here. But a "Hey, where we're at now is too expensive, so we thought of you."
Yeah I was only too happy to say, "Sorry". Some parents really are just too clueless. And manners are a dime a dozen.
Rena
I think teaching manners (modelling too) is SO important. One of my biggest pet peeves is a person (adult especially) who doesn't say please, thank you & excuse me. My girls make thank you cards for pretty much every gift recieved & I am sure to say a big thank you as well.
I can hardly believe that you didn't get a single thank you for all of your effort for the Halloween party. Just know that the kids appreciate it & will remember your thoughtfulness!
magma
Judy I know you've blogged about this topic before and once again I can relate to you on the subject!! In face, a fellow daycare provider friend of mine and I just chatted about that particular post last night at supper. Her husband had read the post when it was left on the computer and he recognized my reply right away :) I too did not get many thank yous this Halloween. I however did not go all out as I have done in the past. I didn't get go as far and purchase really special things for each kid as I have done in the past. I had a few leftover things from previous years for the newer kids who had not received those little gifts in the past so it wasn't all just candy for them but I did not make my annual trek to the dollarama or Liquidation World (man I miss that store) like I have other years for Halloween. I must say though, when mom picked up her daughter on Thursday afternoon, her older girl came running out of the truck and thanked me for the treats I sent for my son's class (she is in his class at school) and that was a nice surprise!!! There were a few kids who didn't make it to my house trick or treating who are getting their gift bags today and I do expect a thank you from their mom since she has been really good since they started in August.
In general I am finding it extremely more difficult to teach kids today their manners simply because the parents of today and the parents I dealt with ten years ago are so different. They are busier and don't seem to take the time with their own flesh and blood to teach them the skills they need to survive on their own as adults. The kids are coddled and babied instead of taught to be independent and taught the ability to speak politely, instead they demand and demand because that is what they see their parents do I guess. I'm sure we'll be chatting about this topic again come Christmas. I am not going all out like I have done in the past. I do have left over stockings from Liquidation world from previous years that I will put a little candy in and a small gift card from Walmart. I am not taking the time to shop individually for each kid. At least the parents might think of me a little when they spend the $10 on themselves and not the little children!
I have two parents whose children are in my care. They turn at the door every afternoon and say thank you. They might get on my nerves in other ways, but that thank you every day helps to make up for it.
Holy moly, I just realized all my parents tell me thank you every day. Huh, didn't even realize it.
I do agree about the demanding bit, I have a new 4 year girl who I'm having to remind consistently to ask me politely for things, and even then she may not get what she is asking for. The kid barks out orders.
Had a Kindergartener snap her fingers at me once to get my attention. I almost lost it. I think I even popped off with "oh no you didn't". But she was pretty embarrassed about it, and it hasn't happened again.
I think I have committed myself to not having too high of expectations of other people, that way they can't let me down.
For years I have done special things for kids birthdays, holidays and especially Christmas - but now I am not doing too much because year after year, I get no thanks and from most, no gift either. Not that I need a gift, but a thank you would be nice! Last year along with giving each child a gift of their own, I made calendars for each family. I spent a year taking pictures of each kid and incorporated the pictures into a monthly 5 x 7 collage. This was a very time consuming gift (because I wanted them to be perfect, a agonized over finding just the right clipart and arranging the pictures just so) These calendars were hardly mentioned. Some said thanks, some said nothing, and one made a big fuss!
This year I bought tins of popcorn from my boy's scout troop. That will have to do, it was quick, easy and it helped him gain higher sales!
I wonder if anyone will think to say thank you??
By the way, the kids in my care all use their manners at my house - not so sure what they do at home, but here, they know, nothing will be given out to those who don't say please!!
Yep, same here. I make goody bags for the 3 kids in my care and the 2 older siblings, one who comes here occasionally. I got a thanks from one Dad who didnt even know what was in the bag and is clueless anyways!LOL But for the most part, I get nothing. This year for Xmas I am making larger versions of the goody bags as their gift. I am not going all out like I normally do. Last year I ordered special name puzzles for each child, had to order early and 3 weeks after they got here....2 parents gave me notice! Those 2 kids left before Xmas and because gifts were personal, I had to give them and buy for 2 new kids. And not a single parent or child gave me a thank you. As for my parents at Xmas, I give out a homemade goodie tin. I used to buy something special but when I realized it didnt matter.... so instead I make some bread and cookies and hand those out.
Most of my daycare kids have to be constantly prompted for manners. I make them use them constantly here and you would think they would have it down since they spend 8-10 hrs a day with me but no.
Very disconcerting as to what our society will come too in 20 years..... a cityful of people who have no manners?
ok, I am beginning to wonder WHY give gifts.? why do so many? I dont. I did for a few years,... but stopped over 16 yrs ago. Why should I give them a gift? Yes I love them,... but honestly where do those gifts we all worked so hard on end up? tossed in a trunk, forgotten until spring? Thrown on the floor of a bedroom and tossed while cleaning? I started a few years ago buying "the daycare" toys at Christmas and its Birthday. Yes My daycare has a birthday, lol. And we have a party. I buy a few new things each year at Christmas. On the message board I mention it and in the newsletter. But I don't send gifts for the kids,.. ever. not bdays, going away parties, christmas, halloween,.. etc. If Im here they will come trick or treat. But other than that,.. nope. I may be a cruel mean cold hearted woman, but I don't see why we should gift the kids. I don't see it as a must do for the kids in care. I gift my kids teachers, my paper guy, I give homebaked goodies to the UPS and mail carriers. I just dont see "why" give to the kids? We sing to them on their birthday and have a special treat at snack,.. I serve their fav food for lunch,... I guess Im just in a mood,.. sorry ladies. laundryduchess
good point laundryduchess - why should we feel as providers to hand out gifts anyway? Do teachers at school hand out gifts to each of their kiddies at Christmas/birthdays? NO - well? Maybe it's time we all save some of our hard earned money!
I do the daycare Christmas present also. Merry Christmas, look at the new toy you all get to play with while you are here! Oooh, a new tent! Look at the new books we got too! Aren't I the greatest?
There's waaaay too much stress involved in sending something special home with everyone. Keeping things here I know they will be used and appreciated (by myself also).
I had one parent ask for a list of the other children's birth dates, a little gift was sent to all the kids on their birthday and special holidays from their friend. Not one parent commented that not only had I remembered their child, but that a friend had. No one ever asked when is Johnny's birthday. Are people really that busy and caught up in their own lives that they don't have time to say thank you to a child. I do not send gifts home anymore, for Halloween I purchased a new game that everyone could play. I just don't see the point in sending home gifts when I never hear if they liked it or used it.
I stopped doing gifts last year when the birthday child forgot to take it home. It sat here all weekend and drove me nuts looking at it, thinking "why did I bother?"
About that time, several of my parents and I had talked about decluttering our houses and about how much crap all of our kids had. So I figured, why add to the mess?
We do cupcakes at birthdays and an Easter, a Halloween and a Christmas party, but no gifts and nobody misses them.
On the subject of 'thank you', I've also been very fortunate to have parents and children tell me thank you. I also make sure that I say it to the children, and their parents too.
Maybe my mindset is wrong, but I am thankful to the parents that come here and afford me the opportunity to stay home with my children. Yes, it was a choice on my part too and I have standards for the families that are here, but when families in my community are scarce, I am thankful to the ones that have chosen me to look after their children. I make a point of respecting them, and find that they return the favour. Not to say you don't Judy... just saying that 80% of the time, when the under 3' crowd isn't driving me nuts, I'm thankful for what I have.
You don't seek validation or recognition? That's the whole purpose of your blog. You really have no perspective on yourself.
Anon above:
Good manners such as thanking someone for a gift and recognition are too different things. Only those who don't possess such manners would confuse the two.
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