Festivus For The Rest Of Us

Dictionary Definition:

Festivus: A secular holiday celebrated on the 23rd day of December. The holiday celebration includes a "Festivus Pole", the "Airing of Grievances", "Feats of Strenghts" and the explainable events of the "Festivus Miracles".

Sometimes I wish I was not raised in a Christian orientated household. I can not claim to be a religious person. I do not attend church and do not practice prayer. But we do, as many, celebrate Christmas in it's traditional sense. But if I was completely honest I would also admit that a big part of me hates Christmas. It is such a commercial event. Spending money buying gifts that most people don't want nor do they need. Purchasing toys for children that will either break or find the dark recesses of the closet before January nears an end. In short, it is a busy time of year that leads to stress and empty pockets.

If you are anything like me there is also part of you that cringes with the anticipation of having to sit and have dinner and partake in cordial exchanges with dysfunctional family members and relatives you see annually at best. You put on your panty hose and that most uncomfortable bra and head out, crock pot precariously perched on your lap while you politely (it is Christmas after all) remind your husband that sharp corners mean meatballs and sauce will stain your dress. You finally arrive at your destination, step out of the car, read your kids the riot act one last time and take in a deep, cleansing breath. At that one moment in the year your belief in God is monumental. You silently utter a prayer asking God to get you through this day and not have anything occur that might make the six o'clock news.

We've all been there. But there's a better way - 'Festivus' for the rest of us!

I love 'Festivus'. What a great holiday celebration. There is no tongue biting. You don't have to pretend to enjoy Aunt Milly's Jello mould and there are no old man relatives to hug that make you feel uncomfortable. Nope, none of that happens at 'Festivus'. 'Festivus' is full of truth and honesty and that uplifting feeling you get when you have just laid it all out on the line. You feel free and liberated and light.

I am pondering the thought of replacing my annual daycare party with a 'Festivus' party. Perhaps I could invite the parents too. We could all stand around the 'Festivus' pole, taking our turn holding on to it and 'Airing our Grievance's. And boy, would I be standing up there a mighty long time. No doubt, that those airing of grievances will get pretty heated which, as is human nature, ultimately lead to the 'Feats of Strength'. Yep, I'm pretty sure I can slam Johnny's mom to the floor in a millisecond. And then, when all the sweat and blood is cleaned up and our souls are all open and clear the parents could sit back on my couch and enjoy a few 'Festivus' drinks while they witness the 'Festivus Miracle' of their child's ability to clean up the toy room all on his own or get his coat on without assistance. What a wonderful day it would be. We would all share a few laughs at the freedom our souls now experience and bid each other a Merry Christmas.

Maybe Christmas would be better for everyone if we celebrated 'Festivus' first. Get it all out there on the 23rd so that on Christmas Day we don't have to argue at the table and instead enjoy our Turkey and not worry about what will come out of Uncle Ned's mouth after a few glasses of wine. Yeah, 'Festivus' shouldn't be for the rest of us; it should be for all of us.

I'm off now to amend my December daycare calendar and alert the parents to the new holiday tradition. Johnny's mom might want to get a few reps in on the weights in the next week and pick up a few gauze strips on the way home from work. Hey, ya' know, I'm really looking forward to this.

'Festivus' for everyone!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca