Thursday, December 17, 2009

Why Attitude Matters

Today was rough. I woke up with cautious optimism and to the sound of Christmas music on my radio. I got up, showered and sat down to one precious cup of coffee before my two daycare children arrived. Thursday is my easy day and I looked forward to being able to both catch my breath and catch up on some much needed chores.

The door bell rang and I open it up feeling the frigid air rush into my warm, quiet home. I was happy to see my Golden Parent and my very best daycare child arrive on time and with a smile. Mom, as always wished me a great day and left with a sense of security that her child would be in good hands. I too had a great feeling as this one parent truly understands what it is I do each and every day. This parent is a gem. Sadly, true gems can not be reproduced.

My next knock at the door presented me with the morning's first burst of sunshine and the cutest child to ever walk the earth. Again, parents who are diamonds in the rough. These are my newest parents to my daycare and we are still getting to know each other, testing out the waters and finding some mutual respect and admiration in the process.

Yes, life was good. My cautious optimism turned into pure positivity and I carried on with my much anticipated easy day. And then, as often happens, the perfect world of daycare came crashing down yet again. Like a repetitive drumming in my head yet another parenting forum reared its ugly and ill-conceived ideals of the worth of daycare providers. It's not a new concept nor is it a quiet secret whispered behind closed doors. It is ever present. I know not why it still bothers me; but it does. Perhaps it is my refusal to be viewed as "less than". Or perhaps I simply can not let naysayers spew misnomers.

Why is it that as daycare providers we are possibly the most under appreciated workforce of society? What is it about our jobs that is so lacking of worth and recognition? Yes, today I changed a child who literally pooped up her backside. Ten minutes, twenty wipes, and a change of clothes later I completed a chore that would make most people gag. And I did so with a smile. No, changing poop is not glamorous. But the fact that daycare providers do this for a non-related person should warrant more merit rather than less. We all know the two jobs in society that are the most diminished are those of cleaning up garbage and cleaning up defecation. I'm not sure why this is. If anything they should incur gratitude.

And while I cleaned up this child I replayed those forum posts in my head. And it made me angry. It angered me because of the holier-than-thou attitudes some parents bestow upon daycare providers. We are looked down upon. And the lack of respect is so discernible that it is unpalatable. And now it is apparent that not only are we not deserving of respect and common decency we are also not entitled to the fees we charge, the contracts we forge or the vacation time or pay we so badly need. It is obvious an enormous double standard exists.

Monday morning I will get up and be cautiously optimistic yet again. And, no doubt I will change poop and wipe snot and I will do it with a smile on my face. This alone - this perseverance to continue on despite the blatant disregard and contempt of parents like those on that forum tell me one thing - that I am the one more worthy of respect. You see, like every other daycare provider I could easily go out and get a job that paid more, required less hours, offered full benefits, vacation and bonuses. But I don't. Why? Because despite all the naysayers and parsimonious parents what I do matters. Maybe not to them, but to their kids it does.

Let them have their attitudes and opinions. I know I am right. I know that most daycare providers are good people who do the very best they can. People like these - disrespectful daycare parents - are never going to change. I realize now that they are jealous. Jealous of our ability to stay home and cope with poop and snot and crying all day long. Jealous that we spend more time with their child than they do. They harbour anger and bitterness. And for nine hours a day I will offer their child something else. They are lucky to have me.

For all of those parents who "get it". Know that your daycare provider knows it unequivocally. They cherish you. Keep on doing what you're doing. YOU allow us to get out of bed every day and do what it is we do. YOU allow us to keep that smile on our face while we change the child who has pooped up their backside. So, to all those parents. We collectively thank you.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
Posted by at 4:33 PM
Reactions: 

33 comments:

  1. Well said Judy!
    :)
    Adrien
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  2. Great post Judy, and somehow, I knew there would be something like this today :)
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  3. Judy is a not portraying the parents on the forum of which she speaks accurately or fairly (translation = she is a liar). The thread she was speaking of consisted of parents defending themselves against accusations of being terrible parents and terrible people that were levied by her and by other providers. Repeatedly parents on the forum spoke of how much they like and appreciate their own providers. What they were upset about were the attacks of the specific providers on that specific thread that were unfair and untrue. The parents did not make nasty generalizations about the providers in that thread, but repeatedly the providers made nasty generalizations about parents. In fact, multiple parents chimed in about how providers deserve their vacations, etc. Hey, don't we all?

    Judy, we are many wonderful "Golden" parents out here who adore our children and appreciate our providers, we just don't agree with you and take issue with your unfair generalizations.

    Where was that last paragraph above in that thread? Had you written that, it would have changed the tone of the entire thread.
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  4. To anonymous above who, once again, does not have the courage to state their name:

    Interesting take on the discussions on that forum. Once again, as was stated there, you read between the lines and didn't pay heed to what we were really saying. Sadly, you didn't learn a thing.
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  5. Please keep your self-righteous bullshit in your own board.

    Nowhere did Judy say all parents neglect their children. She simply commented that there are parents out there who do. In the referenced thread, Judy was defending herself against some arrogant parents who took one sentence out of a much larger post and stretched beyond familiarity. That thread is a trainwreck, an complete mess of nonsense, of people taking what they want out of things and interpreting it to suit whatever negative impressions they have. Here's an idea. If you don't like what she wrote over there, stay away from her blog.
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  6. AHarCas:

    You go girl! Teehheee.....Don't mess with the babysitter! ROFLMAO!
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  7. Thank you Judy! As you know I provide daycare services as well, but unfortunately I don't have what it takes to express myself in writing. I think I speak for others when I say you speak (or write)for us. Great post. I started looking at the board you were speaking of and stoppped after 3 or 4 pages. All they were doing was bashing daycare providers who work hard or harder than the average person, and we do it because.......you said it, we like the job. We like working with children, moulding them, teaching them, etc. Like you said maybe they are jealous because we take care of their little ones instead of Mommy or Daddy, and because we can say we enjoy our job.
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  8. Sorry Judy, I glanced over that thread, rolled my eyes and moved on. I have very little freetime when not up to my elbows in other people's children's snot, poop, and tantrums. So I don't have time for that kind of crap and blah,blah,blah. I really hope every provider finds your blog and your forum so we can all rise above the snooty opinions these kinds of parents have of us, and find our self worth, and stand up for ourselves. Oh and Merry Christmas Judy!!! My last charge just left with nary gift, a "Happy Holidays," or even a f---ing thank you, so I am going to go pour a drink, put up my feet and enjoy my week off, even if some people don't think I deserve it.
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  9. Judy, you inspire other providers to stand up for themselves, and I think that some parents fear that because then they don't get to use their "babysitter" as a doormat. Just keep doing what you're doing. You have helped me to adopt a stronger conviction on my policies (along with so many other awesome providers that I've chatted with). I felt like I was at the mercy of every family that I had before and I neglected my own personal needs so that I could accommodate every families desires before, even though what some of them wanted was outside of what they signed on their contracts, but no more. I'm glad that Judy has this blog because it helped me to become a better provider and to not feel like no one else understaood how I felt. THANK YOU JUDY :o)

    Janet
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  10. Oh and I was expecting the f---ing thank you from the parent, not the kid, just to be clear.
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  11. Anon back. No, haven't learned anything from you yet, because you have nothing to teach. No wisdom on these pages. If I wanted to learn how to be a mean complainer, I could get that lots of places. You are the one who clearly doesn't get it.

    And no, not posting my name. Intelligent professionals know to be judicious in how they put their personal info on the web. What you call brave I call stupid. I think youre just so bored with your life and dying for attention.
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  12. If you think the referenced thread was full of parents who don't appreciate daycare providers, you can't read.
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  13. Anon...

    Why don't you go back to your priveledged little life? I have read many threads now on that site and I have to say most of the parents there are rude, arrogant and judgemental. You might want to stop throwing stones from your glass house.

    Besides, little old you posting here is not going to stop me from blogging about people like YOU. Your posting here only does one thing - proves my, and every readers heres point - that parents like you exist. So, a collective thanks.
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  14. Anon here.
    Sorry, you have proven nothing. You are the one who does not get it, Judy. I have not written one nasty thing about daycare providers *as a group* either here or on the DCUM site, and I do not disrespect the wonderful providers I work with. I simply do not respect YOU and take issue with what YOU write. So, what exactly do you mean by "parents like me exist"? Parents who disagree with your nasty generalizations? Uh, Duh, of course parents who disagree with you exist, because the only rude, arrogant, judgmental person here is you. Truth is, you don't know jack about me, but I know more than enough about you from a cursory skim of this nasty blog.

    In reality, I am what you refer to as a "Golden Parent". You will refuse to believe it, because that would mean you would have to admit that you are wrong. You would have to acknowledge that what you write is unfair. I pay on time or even early (you're number one criterion, from what I can see), I pick up on time, I thank my providers EVERY DAY at drop off and pick up, I help out at the daycare whenever I can, I write cards of thanks on Mother's Day (because I recognize that MY providers are wonderful people who are second mommys to my beloved child), I ask them what I can do to make their jobs easier, I will write more cards of thanks this holiday along with their gifts, and so on.

    People who disagree with you or take offense at what you write are not automatically bad parents or bad people. They just disagree with you.
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  15. Anon...it is rather easy to throw stones and be judgemental and then claim to not write any degrogatory remarks when you don't even give a pen name.

    I am sure that you believe you are a "golden parent" and if that is true then good for you and your providers. However, how is one able to ascertain that YOU, yourself, were not the ones generalizing and critizing good, honest, providers who have legitimate claims? You say that Judy has a sad, boring life, but I have to wonder if you also are sad, bored, angry with your life, to be so vehementally judgemental of someone you don't know from the VERY beginning of that thread. Good luck in your life, I hope you find better peace and happiness.

    It is easy to be judgemental, and write anonymously, but what Judy does is give a voice to individuals who feel, for whatever reason, that they can not voice their frustrations.

    For that I thank you Judy...it is nice to know I am not the only one who deals with a parent who doesn't believe I am worthy, or that I deserve to be paid on time each and every payday. What is written here, will not make sense to everyone...but it isn't intended for everyone. It is intended for those who need a place to vent and feel validated. Daycare, especially home daycare, is hard, and sometimes certain parents will take advantage.

    Are all my parents "bad" parents? Do all my parent's neglect their children? No, absolutely not...have I had one parent who I've terminated because he/she hasn't paid on time? Yes, another parent who consistently picked up late? Yes, or perhaps someone else who disrespected me and my home? yes. It's not all my parents, and I hope that I can learn from those experiences and "weed" out these typse from the goldens. If I weren't able to come here to read Judy's words, I wouldn't have had the backbone to stand up for myself (as many of her readers attest to as well) and re-evaluated the relationship between myself and these parents. The children are well taken care of regardless of the parents mistakes, but it sometimes is necesary to let a late payer, or a late pick-uper, or a disrespectful parent go, for my sanity. That's the beauty of owning my own business and being my own boss....oh, yeah, plus setting my contract and policies to best benefit me. I used to not charge for holidays and vacations, but that price was folded into the daily rate. My experience has taught me that parents would rather pay a lower daily rate and an occaisonal holiday/vacation also than a higher daily rate, but that's just me.
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  16. Jennifer, would you really know anything more about me than you do now if I posted my name? No, so stop using that Anon business as a deflection from the actual issue at hand. To assist you: I have posted three things here (dec 18 12:45 pm, dec 19 at 8 pm, and dec 20 at 4:21 pm). It is fairly obvious which posts are mine. In those posts, I never said she had a sad boring life; rather I said she seemed bored and dying for attention based on what she has written on this blog, and I stand by that. I have a wonderful life with great family and friends and a fulfilling job. I am basing my comments on what Judy writes. If you choose to respond to me, why would you go off making ridiculous hypotheses about me that have nothing to do with what I have written?

    I don't think you read the same thread that Judy and I referring to. On that thread, the providers were on the attack and said unfair things about parents. As I specified earlier, the parents, including myself, repeatedly spoke of how they appreciated their providers and wished the providers *on that thread* would stop making unfair attacks. Perhaps you were reading another thread? Or perhaps you can provide a specific example of the criticisms of providers with legitimate claims from that thread. Good luck with that. The providers who attacked parents on that thread are so blinded by their bitterness and hatred of parents, that they cannot see past it to actually read and understand what the parents posted. We could have written, "today the sky is so blue" and Judy and her mob would have responded, "you parents are so rude, inconsiderate, and disrespectful of daycare providers. I'll bet all your snot-nosed kids came to daycare this morning in diapers full of six pounds of excrement. You have no appreciation for the fact that all daycare providers walk on water." Absolutely no touch with reality.

    Judy posts a blog that contains the word "acrimonious" in the heading. She writes things to incite and invites judgment of what she writes. If all she wants to hear is cheers from wimpy providers who need her to help them find their backbones, then don't make it a public blog. If you put BS about parents up on a public forum, you ought to expect the people you are shitting on to answer back.

    And before one of you accuses me of saying all providers are "wimpy", don't misunderstand. I believe with all my heart that there are many excellent providers out there who don't need a bitter person like Judy to provide them with confidence or validation. However, I don't have much respect for someone who has to find their backbone on an internet blog.
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  17. I wasn't using your lack of name as a deflection, but if you can't even post a PEN NAME (like I suggested) then you don't really want to stand behind your rants. It seems like you have a lot to say and a lot of hatred towards people you don't even know. You tend to spew negativity and "criticisms" without even trying to understand the providers points of view...and yes, I did read that thread. I did not post there because I thought the "conversation" got way out of hand, however, your hatred and condemnation for Judy is out of hand.
    You may not have respect for individuals who read this blog to feel connection with others in their field and you are welcome to your opinion...but I also don't think you have a lot of respect for anyone or anything in general.
    Good luck with your "wonderful life with great family and friends and a fulfilling job." if in fact that is the case. I believe we are done with you and your vicious rants. And, by the way, not once in your responses on the thread on DCUM or here do you offer any constructive points of view or ways in which the providers could have spoke their minds without you doing exactly what you accused them of doing. It's like the kettle calling the pot black.
    Merry Christmas Anon!
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  18. Jen: Vicious? Have you read any of Judy's rants against parents? Nothing I have written even comes close to that. Please explain to me what in my previous posts qualifies as vicious? I have no hatred in my heart, just frustration with you and your ilk. Can you not tell the difference? Clearly not.

    Oh, and so nice of you to use such a racist line at the end there. Would you like me to speculate on what that says about your character?

    You have no idea what I posted on the other thread. Your whole response with regard to me and that thread makes no sense. Which is my entire point. You and Judy make no sense. You rant and rave about parents in awful, vicious terms, and then act surprised and offended when we defend ourselves.

    If you want parents to respect you, you have to earn it, just like everyone else. Treating families you work with with courtesy, kindness, and, yes, respect, would be a good way to start. You won't learn how to do that here, which is my whole point. I have plenty of suggestions for you, but absolutely no confidence that you would even consider them, because you all think you know everything already. So save it.

    Happy Holidays to you, Jen. May you find peace and warmth in these difficult times.
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  19. Not that it has anything to do with this conversation, but the phrase
    "the pot calling the kettle black" has no racial connotation whatsoever. Just like being so angry you're "seeing red" is not a slur against Native Americans. Cast iron kettles and pots are both black, so if one calls the other black, well you know, it is too, so it's just a ridiculous thing for it to accuse something else of being. Well, if household goods could actually talk. Okay, carry on.
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  20. That's not what I was taught, but I suppose that is one of those things that may be open to interpretation.
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  21. "You have no idea what I posted on the other thread. Your whole response with regard to me and that thread makes no sense. Which is my entire point. You and Judy make no sense. You rant and rave about parents in awful, vicious terms, and then act surprised and offended when we defend ourselves." This is exactly MY point regarding standing behind your posts...if you can't even stand behind your thoughts/opinions with a name of SOME KIND any kind, then I don't really see any point in your opinion. I could quote any post over there with vicious (yes, I do feel those posts were) attitudes written about providers by "anonymous" and you could just say, "well, I didn't write that." And FOR the record...I never posted over there, and I never said anything VICIOUS or awful about any parents.
    I have a feeling you had a bad experience with ONE provider and now wish to make all home daycare providers look "vicious and awful." Just like (as the other providers tried to say on the other thread) not all parents are bad, neglectful, or disrespectful, some are; and while some providers are awful or vicious, and aren't cut out for this job, others are wonderful, caring, people who really love their jobs and find fulfillment and joy in being a part of the "village" that raises the children in their care.
    If not for parents, I wouldn't have a job, and the parents who respect WHAT I do for them and their children, and WHO I am I cherish and hold dear. All of my parents right now are in the "golden" category...and their children are a wonderful part of my life.
    If not for Judy, I may not have known I could write my contract any way I wanted, and terminate over a late payment or pick up, since I was new to the business. Everyone says things that can be taken out of context and used against them, and you, Anon, think of yourself as a great debator, but in reality you just enjoy spewing negativity and discrimination.

    FTR: I did not mean any racial connotations to the pot/kettle statement. It means exactly this: "the phrase
    "the pot calling the kettle black" has no racial connotation whatsoever. Just like being so angry you're "seeing red" is not a slur against Native Americans. Cast iron kettles and pots are both black, so if one calls the other black, well you know, it is too, so it's just a ridiculous thing for it to accuse something else of being. Well, if household goods could actually talk."
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  22. Ah Jen, just ignore her. People like her are not worth getting yourself worked up over. She is like a tantrumming toddler who will continue to do so as long as you give her attention. Let her go. NOT worth your valuable time. And if she keeps on posting then she is actually HELPING us:

    1. She proves that "those" parents do exist,
    2. She is driving up my visit count which helps to drive up my placement every time someone googles daycare.

    See? She's helping us out and doesn't even know it! hahahahahahaha! So thanks Anon. Much appreciated. Yep, you helped out the "stupid" provider. Yep, who's stupid now?!
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  23. It is brilliant how you always win!

    Qwerty
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  24. The person who tried to attribute the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" is for lack of a better phrase totally up her own ass. Almost everyone knows what that old saying means, so I think that good old Anon was just trying to make Jen into the bad guy. Now Anon just seems bitter.
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  25. Wikepedia: The phrase "The pot calling the kettle black" is an idiom used to accuse a person or thing of being marked with or guilty of the very thing they are pointing out. This may or may not be hypocritical or contradictory.
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  26. LOL Judy! Now Anon can see that she was sorely mistaken. It wouldn't even make sense in any other other context aside from being used as the old saying that it is!
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  27. Judy: in order to win, you have to make sense. Which you don't. Every time someone disagrees with you on this blog, you just accuse them of being a bad person or call them a "toddler" or the like. I am hardly the first that you have done this to. That just proves my point. You can't take anyone disagreeing with you and try to divert attention from the facts (and the fact that you are full of bologna). There is no point arguing with someone who can't see around her own enormous ego.

    And since when was this about "winning". I thought this was about expressing opinions? The fact that you or the other loopy providers here would even write that proves that you have less maturity than the children you supposedly "care" for. You just want to bitch about parents and have others like you nod and say, "Oh yes, so true."

    For your wimpy followers: You can tell exactly what I have posted here; I've made it clear. Why you have the need to even bring up what I may or may not have posted elsewhere really doesn't make sense to me. I stand by my posts here and you know exactly which ones they are. Diverting again to mask the fact that you are mean, nasty whiners and you got called on it. Instead of addressing what I am saying, you make nasty assertions about the kind of person I am based on nothing. Any sane person reading this exchange will see that.

    And Jennifer: if any of the providers in that thread had said some reasonable, nice things about parents like you did above and had framed their complaints in a reasonable way, that thread would never have gotten where it now is and I wouldn't have bothered to say anything here.

    Go back to your bitchfest. If you all keep this up, you'll have no jobs to bitch about.

    Checkmate. Golden Parent out.
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  28. Well, guess what? Just like my business is MY business and "I" am the boss (read: not you) I terminate rude arrogant parents like you. So, as this is MY blog and therefore "I" am the boss of it I will terminate you too. See, that's the thing. Parents think they own their provider. Well....newsflash you don't! Yeah, it's a hard concept to get around. But eventually you'll tune into the ideal. What bothers people like anon is that they aren't in charge. The don't like it. Oh well, then stay at home with your own kids and yes, THEN you can be the boss. But if you are in MY care or ANY providers care your control stops when your foot steps on to our driveway. You can post about it until the cows come home the facts aren't going to change. YOU are NOT in control and you don't like it. And furthermore you don't like the fact that, for the most part, and in regard to a lot of parents, what is written here hits a little too close to home for you.

    So, just like any other parent I would terminate I will terminate you. Just keep on posting and you will find your posts are gone. So, as we say in the daycare world; this is your termination warning.
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  29. To "Anonymous" ...

    I don't want to further fuel your fire, or boost your ego in thinking that you're aggravating us by any means, because the fact is, you're not...

    I just want to know one thing.. What is it exactly that you think you're accomplishing here? The fact is, you're posting on a blog which is read by people likeminded to Judy. We are not mindless drones, we simply agree with her and have had similar experiences to her. THUS, posting your nonsense and looking for someone to agree with you here is pretty childish and, for lack of a better word, stupid.

    As I said above, take your self-righteous bullshit away from here. No one cares about your opinions, and no one cares to further debate it.
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  30. If I wanted anon's opinion, I'd give it to her! lol, I know, I know, that was a little juvenile of me to say, but what can I say? It made me laugh! Besides, I play with my kiddos all day, so being a kid is kind of rubbing off on me!
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  31. Merry Christmas everyone! Golden Parents, anonomous posters, Judy and everyone!!! All the best to you in the new year as well!! Most importantly, Merry Christmas to the little ones we all are about, that`s why we post here, we all love our kids whether we are the babystters or the parents, God bless you all!!! Here`s to a positive 2010!!!
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  32. ......um, wow.....thank you all for the entertainment, I truly enjoyed it all but now it is getting annoying. Back to work ladies, eh? I think someone needs a time out!
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  33. Read your other blog and your disdain for parents makes sense to me now. Yours sucked, so it is hard for you to conceive of parents who put their children first. Sorry you had to go through that.
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