Semantics

It seems I'm in good company. Every day I go to my email and find a note from one of you here who thank me for the blog. The general sentiment of nearly every email is that this topic of conversation is long overdue. It seems there is a collective sigh of relief after reading the daily postings. There are many more of us who share the common themes of this blog than one might predict.

It's high time that we spoke out. We're not all blessed with the gift of holding our tongues. I can certainly attest to that. I think it is the responsibility of those who have the ability to always speak up and offer the truth. Regardless of the topic, the field of employment, your station in life, speaking the truth is always the best approach. There are naysayers who might read this blog and say that the "truth" is genuine to only the author. To some extent I agree. As the author one can only whole-heartedly speak for themselves. It is hard, although not impossible, to convey the thoughts, sentiments and truths of others when you do not share their views. However, if the comments and feedback I have received from many, many providers, parents and friends are relevant, in even the smallest form, to the level of shared attitude, then I feel this blog offers an important and much needed outlet for myself and my colleagues. One can fault me and those who comment here for my opinions but they can not fault anyone for speaking the truth. It is my truth and the truth of a lot of providers who have been too scared by the socially repressive edicts of society. There is far too much fear of judgement, persecution and backlash. Who can blame them for not wanting to speak out? Although I am not personally afraid to openly voice my opinions I can respect the reasons that others might not.

My approach to this blog is often taken through sarcasm. I enjoy the fact that nearly any situation can be viewed with a little bit of comedy. I think that is well conveyed here. Sarcasm helps to make situations seem less stressful. It's a coping mechanism I see a lot in home daycare providers. The old "laugh or cry" adage comes to mind. We collectively chose to laugh at the moments of frustration rather than throw ourselves a pity party, cry ourselves to sleep at night or have to resort to Prozac to get through the day. We're a funny, comedic bunch who are able to laugh at ourselves and rarely take ourselves too seriously. I view this as a character trait rather than a flaw. Perhaps more people need to loosen up a little, realize none of us is perfect and that a little appreciation goes along way. Lord knows I have had children in care who have long overstayed their welcome but have managed to not be terminated simply because their parents are so damned nice. Yeah, being considerate goes a long way.

The naysayers who read this blog (and your comments) will often attack our "lack of consideration, and selfishness". This honestly makes me laugh out loud. I am not easily ruffled by such things. Maybe it's because I revere myself so highly. I can't say anyone has recently accused me of having low self-esteem! Perhaps the amusement from such comments comes from the fact that it is primarily women who leave them. The same women who would gladly stand up on the steps of parliament and demand the rights of women. These are the women who relish the fact and thank God every night in their prayers that they have been afforded the right and equal opportunity to work each day with a wage equal to the man with whom she shares her cubicle. This is the same woman of course who left your daycare hours earlier after picking up her child. It's okay for her to go to work, earn a wage and be viewed as "equal" and an "asset", be protected by the Employment Standards Act and given fair opportunity. But somehow, the person who 'babysits' her child is not valued enough by her or society to receive the same respect if even just in the minds of others. So yeah, many providers might appear to be inconsiderate. Perhaps it's because they have lived and learned. They are protecting themselves and the time and effort they have put into their business. We don't have the ESA to fall back on or an Ombudsperson to call up when a parent is belligerent at the door, "forgets" to pay us, or leaves without notice contrary to the terms of the contract. Incidences that happen far more often then any non-provider could ever imagine. The same attitude in any office by a woman would be considered business-savvy, but put in the context of a home daycare provider it's then coined as inconsiderate and rude. It's all just semantics. There is no difference.

I make no apologies for my view and opinions. And, I should hope that those here who have voiced their overwhelming support would not be quick to do so either. I think that the only truth we have in life - the only given - is to know who we are and what we stand for. I know who I am. I don't spend my life worrying about pleasing others or taking stock of my list of people who might hate me. It's just not worth it. I don't have time for such trivialities. What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it. And anyone who says that is not admirable is lying to themselves.

So keep being who you are. Stay strong, enforce your policies and make your business YOUR business.


For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Chicken Dance For The Soul

Daycare is hard work. Far harder than most people would ever anticipate. There are days that you just want to run outside and scream at the top of your lungs. There are days when you wish you could just crawl back into bed then have to deal with it all. But every once in a while you have those moments that you want to cherish and never see end. Today, I was fortunate to experience a few of those moments.

Thursdays are a light day for me. There are no babies in care. Just older kids. The youngest child I have on Thursday is nearly three. Thursday is known around here as 'Muffin Day'. The fourth day of every week is dedicated to a trip to the family farm store/bakery near our house. The kids love it. Everyone gets to pick out their choice of freshly baked, and still warm, muffins. We also pick up some fruit of the day - usually a special treat, something out of season and more expensive. Today it was watermelon. Then we wander over to grab some fresh ginger cookies as part of an afternoon snack. Yes, Thursdays are our nutritionally-void, baked snack days. Hands down the favourite day of the week.

We paid for our purchases and the kind lady who works the cash said her weekly hello to us, asked us how we were all doing and gave the kids a sticker. The shopping done and the bill paid we walked to the car. Half way to the car the sky opened up and it was pouring. Huge, billowing clouds letting lose big fat raindrops. I was futile to run. We all stood there laughing as the rain soaked us to the skin. When we had all had enough we piled in the car to go home and change. What a fun time it was!

I am a music lover. The Ipod is always on shuffle at our house. If you ask any guest who has ever spent time in my home what the music genre was they would tell you that it includes everything from Johnny Cash, to Guns 'N Roses, to The Trans Siberian Orchestra. We love it all. Today, after changing in to our warm, dry clothes the Ipod was playing along and blaring from the stereo came The Chicken Dance. Ah, The Chicken Dance. Is there any other dance that can make you smile just hearing those first few notes? All the kids ran over to me, started flapping their arms, shaking their behind, grabbing hands and dancing in circles during the chorus. We had a great time. It was while we were dancing in circles, hand in hand, seeing their sheer joy and total loss of inhibitions that I realized had I been at any other job today I would surely have missed out on this moment.

I'm not a complicated person. And I also know a good thing when I see it. So, yeah, I'll take standing in a thunder storm getting soaking wet to come home and do The Chicken Dance. Sounds like a great day at the office!



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

The Storm Was Coming And The Doppler Was Down

Wow. Last night I was thrown for quite a loop. My radar detection system failed me. I'm not sure if this was a result of my feeling under the weather this last week or being enamoured by the normality and easy going conversations I had with this family. Last week I interviewed with a delightful family. This family seemed like a wonderful fit for my daycare. They were prompt, well-spoken, and even handled a behavioural issue very well that occurred during their time here. I was smitten. I let them know that I would accept them into care should they feel this was also in their best interest.

Two days later I received a phone call from both parents. They were thrilled to have found me. They wanted to sign on for care and start in August. I hung up the phone and let out a sigh of relief. Yet again, I had managed to fill a spot with a normal, every day family. No crack pots, no weirdos, no monkey kids.

We had an appointment to meet this Thursday to sign the contract, have them leave the deposit and mark our calendars with a start date. However, last night I received a phone call that left me both angry and stunned. The parent called to confirm our appointment. Still pleased with their professionalism I was glad to know they were confirming our upcoming appointment. It was then that everything fell apart. The mother wanted some information on my fees, whether or not they would have to pay for statutory holidays, their vacation and when the child was sick. Crazy me, but I could have sworn that we discussed all of these points in the interview and a copy of the contract was sent home for their perusal. I was at a loss. They had obviously not listened to, nor cared about, a word that was said. They had not reviewed the contract.

It was at this point in the phone conversation that I knew I must cut my losses and move on. I told the parent that she had not done her homework and that I was far too picky as to whom I accept into care to take on a family like this one. Her shocked reaction could be heard as she uttered a single word, "Oh". I let her know that she should look elsewhere for care because they sure as hell were not coming here.

When I hung up the phone I was a bit stunned. How had this happened? I thought I was better at reading people. I'm always on high alert for red flags, personalities and parenting styles that clash. I asked all the right questions, provided all the proper documentation, forms and policies. What did I miss? Were they really that smooth in the interview that I was schmoozled?

Regardless of the reasons, my Radar failed me. I have only myself to blame. I missed something somewhere. There is a lesson in this. The lesson is that we all need to be vigilant. We need to bring our "A" game to interviews. And damn it, we need to be picky. Because if we aren't then we end up with wiffle-wafflers, micro-managers, flip-floppers, rude, nasty, inconsiderate parents who view us a their nanny.

Interviews are the hardest part of daycare. It is in these moments that we seal our fate. We either invite in or shun the problems that will come in the future. Thankfully last night I was given a second chance before the papers were signed. Someone, somewhere was looking out for me. Whew! That was too close!




For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Daycare Isn't For Dumb Bunnies

I am many things. I am a mom, a wife, a maid, a daughter, a sister and on top of all that I am a daycare provider. What I am not is a teacher. I provide "child" care not teaching. I would gladly offer teaching if CUPE would let me be a member. I would love to have health benefits, personal days, sick benefits, a pension plan and summers off. But, I don't see CUPE opening its doors to daycare providers anytime soon.

During our days we do learn a lot here in my care. We sings songs that introduce the alphabet, we relish the beauty of books, we discover spacial parameters while playing with Lego, we discover the physics of the world in the sand box, and we learn that splitting the last cookie with your friend makes two halves. There is a lot of casual learning going on here. I suspect there's a lot of casual and unintended learning in the environment of all children.

It always bothers me when a parent sits in my living room during an interview and wants to know what my curriculum consists of. I don't have, and don't want a curriculum. That's what the public school system is for. Besides, I think it's ridiculous that an eighteen month old is force fed information at a pace that hampers their innate ability to discover in the world what is most important.

There is a growing trend in society to ensure that our child is the mommy circle winner of academic one-upmanship. They all want to boast about little Mary reading at the age of three, or at the age of six being able to explain Quantum Theory and its relation to physical matter while her two year old brother translates it into Italian. I find it completely ridiculous that these priorities are at the forefront of our minds when considering pre-schoolers. When are kids supposed to be kids?

I am growing tired of parents viewing me as 'just the babysitter' when it comes to terms of the contract like fees, paid vacation or the illness policies but in the same breath expecting me, the dumb and unwitting babysitter, to teach their child how to read, do algebra and the Krebs cycle. Somewhere in there is a lack of balance. Yes, I know the Krebs Cycle but I don't get paid enough nor have enough hours in the day to become a classroom teacher to your two year old. But I will be happy to explain to your child how the sun that is beaming down on the tomato plants in my garden will provide the energy needed for our growing bodies. But somehow, if it's casual learning it doesn't count. I know of many, many, occasions when a parent will proudly tell me that they are fascinated to learn that their child knows X, Y and Z. They have no idea where they could possibly have learned that information. Sigh. No sense putting up my hand because I couldn't possibly know such things. Yep, just the dumb, otherwise unemployable, babysitter. Whatever.

Daycare centers get all the glory these days. I especially have great disdain for those schools like Montessori who claim to give your child an early start to academic one-upmanship. I know some children who attend Montessori. I also know that all but one of their "teachers" does not even hold a university degree. I do. Not that I think it's the all important end-all-be-all of knowledge. I have learned far more from life and in the pursuit of those things I find interesting then I ever did sitting in a lecture hall. But, sadly, society doesn't share my views.

Most daycare providers I know are highly intelligent people. They have hours in the day to read a book of interest, research a topic on the Internet or pick up reference material during their weekly daycare trip to the library. We're not the dumb bunnies that many think we are. So, next time someone asks you if you have a curriculum gasp as if in shock that they could be so offensive. Tell them that what you offer is far superior to any curriculum at that fancy pre-school down the street who is charging double your rates could possibly offer.

And, if you're a parent asking that same question in the interview remember that your daycare provider might just know more than you think. Do you know the Krebs Cycle?


For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream

Is there anything more grating on the nerves than a screaming child? Nothing can send a person to the brink of insanity faster than the shrill voice of a screamer. We've all had one in care at some point. And it didn't take long before you went back to review the termination policy of your contract. And, I am certain that having a screamer in care is the sole reason most providers add a probationary period clause to their contracts.

I have had many kids in care who screamed the first few day. Most kids do this. In fact, it happens so often that the days leading up to the arrival of a new child literally stress me out so much that I wonder what in hell I was thinking when I agreed to take on a newbie. The child arrives, screams for days one, two and three and then it generally starts to subside. It's a normal process. But what about those kids who scream far beyond the normal number of days it takes to transition?

The most horrendous daycare month I ever had occurred in January 2007. Yes, I can clearly remember the month because it has permanently damaged both my mental stability and my hearing. It is the number one worst time I have ever experienced in all the years I have provided care. This child was a screamer like no other. He literally screamed every minute of every single day, five days a week for a period of one month. On day six of daycare I placed him in the playpen for nap time. I refused to go to him. I am an advocate of CIO and use it exclusively in my business. This child was so ticked off as to have to be in the playpen that he started to bang his head against the plastic top corner pieces of the playpen. Imagine my horror to find him bleeding from his nose when I went to check on him. A child so upset to have to sleep that he physically harmed himself? Hmm...something was amiss here. Of course, I later found out that the parents had indeed rocked him to sleep, ran to his every whimper and were attached at the hip every waking hour. Would have been nice to have disclosed that at the interview.

The pivotal moment came one day in the fourth week, when ten minutes before pick up the child literally collapsed on the floor. Still screaming, but otherwise immobile out of sheer exhaustion. I left him there for his mom to see as I wasn't sure she really understood the gravity of the situation. Needless to say, that was his last day. And watching him walk out the door that day was the high point of my daycare career. If there is a heaven I have already been there. It was blissful closing the door on that family knowing that tomorrow would be scream-free.

Screamers are an occupational hazard. We all get one every once in a while. But when is screaming normal and when has it reached its limit? When have you reached your limit? I think it's important to have defined time lines when it comes to behaviours you will not tolerate. At some point early on in a new daycare relationship there comes a time when you have to decide to carry forward or call it quits. And, the earlier the better. The longer you keep a screamer in care who is not making progress the more concrete you make the message that you accept and will continue to deal with this behaviour.

Having a probationary clause in your contract is essential. My contract states that services can be terminated immediately by either party within the first three weeks of care. This gives you an out should you need it. Because, if you do have a screamer in care, there will be a time when you are at the end of your rope and will want to hand off the child at the end of the day and tell them never to return. With a probationary clause you can do just that.

Screamers are the hardest children to deal with. But, in the end it is hard for everyone: the screamer, you, your own kids, the other kids in care, and the parents of the screamer. Regardless of the reason for the screaming it is obvious that the child and the environment are not a good match. Not all kids are cut out for daycare. Not all kids are cut out for your daycare. The trick is to know when that is the case and call it quits.

If you don't already have a probationary clause in your contract then close this window, open up Word and type it up. Your sanity and your ears will thank you for it later.








For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Guantanamo Security Level Clearance

Fidel Castro has some stiff competition. Too bad he couldn't hold out for another ten years before passing the torch on to his brother. If he had waited he would have found a far better candidate. I know - the candidate is one of my daycare kids. Or, I could always substitute in a pinch.

What is it with the manipulation criers? You know who these kids are. They're the ones who can turn on the tears and stop a freight train in its tracks the dramatics are so compelling. Or, in the case of an audience of two years old they can get you just about anything you want as long as you'll shut up and stop crying so they don't have to walk around covering their ears all day. Yep, crying works. Well, it works that is, as long as Miss Judy isn't your caretaker.

Although I have never been to Cuba I am familiar with their political system. I'm also familiar with the American base of Guantanamo Bay. I like Guantanamo. It's a great facility that merits mimicking. In fact, I have my own Guantanamo set up here at my daycare. It's called 'The Crying Spot'. I love it. The criers hate it. The rest of the non-criers have great respect for its usefulness too.

Why am I telling you about my personal Guantanamo Bay? Ah heck, someone who reads here daily has accused me of being a dictator. Might as well live up to my name! Besides, I had a great role model who was the epitome of the old "sticks and stones" adage. Hey, thanks Nana! Looks like I need to go back to those old teachings.

Alas, I digress.....

The crying spot is used a lot by one particular child. So much in fact that I am utterly surprised that she hasn't tried to give it her personal touch or attempt to carry in escape worthy items during each visit. You never know when the heel of a dress up shoe or a Barbie doll leg might come in handy. But then again, she's only three. Craftiness seems to come along with cynicism in situations like this. She still has years to perfect her craft.

So, what is the crying spot you ask? It's really quite simple. Fifty bucks and a small room and you can have your own Guantanamo style "detention and redirection unit" too. Just visit your local Wal-mart and pick up a playpen and you're in business. I will tell you upfront however that there are no instructions for its special intended purpose. Those instructions, along with the CIA and Marine Force Manuals are top secret. But I don't have to worry about silly things like court marshalls and dishonourable discharges so I am more than happy to spill the beans. Detention and Redirection Units are simple to use. And, if I might add - very effective too. Just follow the simple directions below and before you know it the U.S. Secretary of Defense, Mr. Robert Gates will be calling you up for advice and guidance.

I will advise you however, that the "unit" is only intended to be used on those children who fail to understand the consequences of their actions after all other methods have been employed. When they start to become a threat to Daycare Security and the mental and emotional state of the other kids it's time to pull out the big guns.

Step One

When the child starts to ball her eyes out simply because her sister has chosen to stand up instead of stay seated in the chair beside her give the "last chance look" to the child. This should put her on notice that you are watching her like a surveillance team on an Afghan cave dwelling.

Step Two

When the child does not heed the warning but continues to turn up the faucet to maximum output you need to start the engines of that Black Hawk helicopter. Swoop in, with no warning, pick up the child and take her to the 'unit'.

Step Three

Like a Navy Seal on a night mission stay silent while placing her in the 'unit'. Keep the door open a crack and walk away.

Step Four

When the child has successfully stopped crying for two minutes walk back in, say nothing and remove the child from the 'unit'. Upon exit from the room let her know how appreciative you are that she has stopped crying and that she is now free to go about her play.

Step Five

Repeat steps one through four as necessary until the "last chance look" is all that is needed in future episodes.

See, it really was that simple. No harsh words, no threats. Just actions. And it really does get the point across. Hey, maybe the U.S. could save a lot of money in the defense budget if they just paid me a visit and then headed over to Wal-mart. Ah, no, I can't take credit for this knowledge. I'll have to give that to Fidel. Besides, credit given to me here on this blog for being a successful dictator is praise enough.


For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Breakfast Bar Bantering

This weekend we had a family birthday party at our house. The relatives were all gathered around the breakfast bar engaging in small talk. My brother-in-law, who happens to have a one year old daughter, started up a conversation about daycare. Being in the biz I listened intently as I prepared the appetizers a few feet away.

It seems my brother and sister in-law are quite happy with their daycare arrangement. And I have little doubt about this. It seems they have found a woman who has only one other child in her care who is full time along with my niece. This provider claims to "not need the money" and works because she simply loves children. I smiled to myself as I witnessed the evolution of this conversation in all its forms. Apparently, since my niece started a month ago with this provider she had taken on one other child to start in a month's time. All this sounded to me like the makings of a daycare provider starting up her home business. As I listened further I discovered that my niece only attends daycare on a flexible basis. My sister in-law works full time Monday through Friday while my brother in-law works shift work. One can hardly blame them for not wanting to plunk their daughter in daycare full-time when fewer hours are needed. I applaud them for that. However, the surprise in the conversation came when another family member asked what it was they were paying in fees. My brother in-law, proud of the "deal" he had orchestrated admitted to only paying $400 a month for daycare. Wow! It was at this moment that I just had to turn around and get involved. Yes, stupid me. Turning around I asked him how this was possible. Simply put, they pay this astronomically low fee because the child is in care full days a few times a month and the other days she might only attend for an hour between dad's start time and pick up by mom. All this sounds great unless of course, you know how daycare works from an insiders view.

After reiterating the facts that she has now taken two full-timers and perhaps wanting more I had to give him the real deal. I warned him that this is a start up provider. Once she fills the fourth spot they will be in trouble. Because, no one - no one - who can do second grade math is going to keep a child who earns them $400 a month and is all over the place with scheduling, over a child who could bring forth nearly double that in monthly income. Smart providers know better.

It was at that point in the conversation that I had a revelation. My brother in-law looked at me and actually said, "Ah, that won't happen. Annie is a great kid. The daycare provider says how easy she is. She'll never do that". Sigh. I knew then that it doesn't matter if the parents of the kids in your care have a high school diploma, a master's degree or even a doctorate. They just don't get it.

Tsk, tsk to the provider who lured them in with promises of flex days and low fees out of desperation to fill her spots. And admonishment to my brother and sister in-law for falling for it. I thought they were smarter people. But then again, it's always about money. Always, always, always. Somethings never change.









For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Falling From Grace

When I was young, in my days before kids, I never imagined I would provide home daycare services. In fact, this was probably furthest from my mind. I wasn't a big fan of kids. After all, kids are hard work, require constant supervision and are far too high needs for a person who views independence as the greatest of human attributes.

When I meet old friends with whom I have since lost contact they are shocked to learn what it is that I do all day. I can safely say that not one of the people who knew me "before kids" would have lost a bet on their last dollar that daycare would never befall me. Oh, how wrong they were. I can understand their surprise. There are days that I, too, wonder how in the heck I got here.

Many provides fall into daycare. Of the many, many daycare providers I know in person and on-line the vast majority of them decided to provide home daycare for one very simple reason; they didn't want their own kids in daycare and they needed the income. A very good friend of mine has her ECE and previously worked in centre based daycare. When she had her own kids she chose to stay home with them. When asked why she would honestly tell you that after having worked in daycare there was no way in hell her children would be product of it. I can't blame her there.

I decided early on during my first pregnancy that I would quit my very high paying, and professional career to stay home with my child. Even in-utero I knew that I could never trust another with the responsibility of caring for and raising my child. I admit I am a micro-manager myself when it comes to my children and I want what I want. I simply could not muster the trust required to allow someone else to provide that level or quality of care. In the eighth month of my pregnancy I bid farewell to my job, went home and never looked back.

Most of us are here by default. I can admit that. I hope you can too. Once in a while I come across a provider who truly loves their job. Love the children, love the mess, the noise, the snot, the potty training and the hugs. These providers are clearly special people. Far more special than I.

The questions begs answering; Are you still a good provider if you are not in love with your job? Does providing daycare by default mean that you should not be in this business? For many parents I think the answer would be a resounding NO. Most parents would not knowingly drop their children in the care of someone who they felt did not love their child. Sadly, these parents are misguided. I think it gullible to believe that those who care for another's child love them and have their best interest at heart on a level equal to that of their parents. It just doesn't happen. I could go on and write paragraphs why biologically this isn't possible but I hardly think you need to be bored by the evolutionary and psychological science of university courses everywhere. Instead I will focus on an easier concept to grasp - money.

Daycare centres operate with one goal in mind - money. Most commercial daycare centers are owned and operated with a bottom line goal. They employ others to care for their charges and in turn, get paid to do so. Although their pretty pamphlets and perfectly timed tours might lead you to believe otherwise it is your money, and not necessarily your child that they want. Yes, they are in the business of children but like any company, they are in the business of money. So, the question to ask now is; Do daycare centres love your child? Is this even possible? With the high staff turn-over rates and class changes when your child meets age milestones how is it even possible for an employee to love your child? And, with the unfounded notion and belief that centre based daycare is far superior to home daycare there must be some perk, right? I beg to differ.

Back to the question at hand. If you are a provider who fell into daycare for whatever reason does this still make you a good provider? I think it does. Assuming you are providing all those activities, routine, meals, and the occasional hug that you boasted about in your advertisements, websites and interviews I think you are doing a great job. You don't have to love your job to do it well.

Does it help to love your job? Sure it does. However, I think working, in any job, is highly overrated. Because really, if you truly LOVED your job then it wouldn't be work - it would be volunteering. And volunteering doesn't pay the bills.

So, the next time someone accuses me (or you) of not being "fit" for the job I ask them to take a step back and reflect on their own job. Do they love it? Would they do it for free if they won the lottery tomorrow? Yeah, exactly what I thought.


For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Get The Monkey Off The Blinds

The scene is set. You have spent all day cleaning. The playroom is as tidy as it has ever been, the happy, happy kid music is quietly playing in the background and you have turned on the lights. The window is open a crack as to let in the fresh air and the floor is gleaming after the bleach and water treatment it received earlier that day. You go upstairs, fix your hair, put on some make up and even some perfume. You look at your shirt, smudged with food, particles of Play-Doh and snot and realize it will never do. You search through your closet for something, anything that is clean and does not have a crew neck. Ah, there in the back it sits - a shirt that actually has buttons and a shape. You put it on, take a second look in the mirror and off you go. You have just set the mood for your dance of seduction. Your hot date is about to arrive momentarily. You just have enough time to find one or two Leap Frog toys to bring into the living room. But damn it, you should have remembered to change the freaking batteries. Oh well, another toy will have to do. You are exhausted. You spent every extra second of the day (after making two snacks, lunch, changing thirteen diapers and refereeing circle time) cleaning your house. You tell yourself you just need to keep smiling for one more hour and then you can lose that uncomfortable shirt, pull a beer out of the fridge and order pizza.

The door bell rings. Before you run to open it you hike up your pants, give your shirt a tug and curse at yourself for never losing that ten pounds you promised yourself. You turn one last time to give your kids the look of "death will be cast upon you should you bug your sister even once during the next hour" and you open the door. And then your heart falls into a spiral so fast that it takes every ounce of your being to keep that smile pasted on your face and extend your arm for the hand shake.

How is it that every now and then you can spend twenty seconds with a family and know in your heart that this could never, ever work out? Regardless, you don't want to be rude so you continue. You feel like a Primerica pyramid worker luring their clients into promises and a feeling of a secured future that you know is never going to happen. What you really want to do is just stand up, tell them it will never work and be done with it. Hey, your beer is probably chilled by now too. Damn it. But alas, your sense of courtesy encourages you to continue.

As you sit there with the parents answering their every question and trying to concentrate on the task at hand your peripheral vision is a constant nagging source. Nagging, because out of the corner of your eye you can see their seventeen month old pulling on the strings to your very expensive blinds. You want so desperately to go over to the child and admonish him for being so forceful. But you can't. The urge is so overbearing it's almost intolerable. You race through the contract, address any questions and stand up. This is your signal that you are done. In the most polite way any ounce of what's left of your civility can muster you tell them that's all you have and they can call you if they come up with any further questions. And then you just can't control yourself any longer. As if in a dream state you walk over to the child, take his hand away from the blinds and start walking him to the door. You simply can not get these parents out of the house fast enough.

You finally get them to the door but mom with her Pollyanna attitude is still bobbing her head frantically at everything you say. And if she smiled any wider you swear her face would swallow up her whole body. Why in hell does she think you are so fantastic? You keep smiling as she tells you that "she will call you to see when they can bring over the contract". In your head you are doing a Homer Simpson and wondering how long it will take for Bell to change your number and to list and sell your house. Because, there is no way in Hell you could ever accept these people, with their monkey climbing kid and bobble head mom into care. Nope, nada, ain't happening.

Finally, the door shuts behind them and you are so utterly exhausted after that fraudulent display of theatrics you just demonstrated that you can barely get to the fridge to find that beer and call for pizza. Oh, but then it hits you. Tomorrow you have the day off. Suddenly, the clouds part, the sun shines on you and you find the strength to get to the fridge.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Take Some Time Off This Summer to Frolick In The Sun

One of the comments from a recent blog here on this site posed the following question:

"So Judy, what do YOU do when it comes time for holiday scheduling?"

This question is asked a lot by daycare providers. It seems that many of us think that because we are self-employed and needed by the parents to be available when they go to work that we are also not entitled to vacation time ourselves. I think many providers view taking personal time off as a sign of being unreliable. And, let's face it - in daycare dependability is a key trait that can make or break any provider. Word gets around if you are constantly closing for frivolous reasons. As a parent, I too would be upset if any business I patronize did not follow their posted and usual hours. But, unlike other businesses, home daycare is different.

Home daycare providers do not have staff. We are not part of a larger company with employees to cover shifts when we can not work. Therefore, for many of us, closing means that services are not available. The other negative associated with taking time off is the absence of a pay cheque. I know of few daycare providers who get paid for their own vacation time. Personally, I think this needs to change. There are few persons in the general workforce who do not get paid for their vacation time. In fact, in Ontario and many other provinces an employer, at the very least, is mandated to pay out four per cent of any employee's wages to them in lieu of vacation time if not taken in a fiscal year. Now, I don't know about you but for me that would equal quite a bit of money.

In my early years of daycare when I was green, desperate and had not been pissed off so badly that I started to ask for what was fair, I rarely took time off. I did not get paid for stats and the parents were not expected to pay me for any time they took off. One summer it happened that all but one family took at least one week off in July. After I got over the initial shock of the nearly $1000 in income I would lose anger and resentment set in. I was angry because it dawned on me at that point that the parents actually made money by taking vacation time. Not only did they get a week off but they got paid for it. And, they saved the $150 that would normally have been paid to me for daycare services. This revelation alone prompted me to revise and renew with every family I had under contract.

Now days I am smarter, wiser and more apt to ask for what I feel I deserve. In my care, families pay for every single day that they would normally attend. They pay for all stats, their vacation time, days spent with grandma, sick days etc. I simply refuse to lose money and cost own my family the luxury of an income while daycare parents are getting paid to suntan on their deck while saving nearly $200 that week. I deserve better.

I book off time whenever I feel the need to. If I start to get burned out I open up my calendar, chose a few days and send the information out with my monthly email. I tend to give at least one month's notice whenever possible. Presently I have days booked off until Thanksgiving. There is not a single reason why the parents can not find alternate care when notice is given six months in advance. Besides, those parents are gaining a day off and getting paid for it. One would also think that any parent would be happy that their daycare provider was taking time to refresh. I know that as a parent, I would never want a burned out, over worked and stressed person caring for my child. Parents should take that fact into consideration.

So, to answer the question, "So Judy, what do YOU do when it comes time for holiday scheduling?", the answer would be, "I do whatever it takes, whenever I feel like it".

And no, I don't really care if a parent can't find alternative care, doesn't have any vacation days left, has to work the long weekend, worked last night, needs a nap, must go shopping, or any other ridiculous reason. As they say, "Not my situation - not my problem".

So, go to your coffee table, pull out your calendar and start writing the word 'CLOSED' in those tiny calendar squares. Your kids' childhood and summer will pass by all too soon. Enjoy some time with just them running through the sprinkler. You'll be glad you did.




For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

A Sad Day For All Children

Many of you are aware of the Tori Stafford abduction case that occurred April 8th, 2009 in Woodstock, Ontario. Sadly, two individuals were arrested today and charged with her murder. Police have just located the body of the eight year old girl.

This news has been incredibly disheartening to me. Perhaps it's because Woodstock is so close to home or maybe it's because my oldest child is the same age as Tori. Regardless, I think it is fitting today to not post another blog. I don't think I could come up with the words anyway.

I will be back tomorrow after we have all had some time to process this disturbing and heartbreaking news. I pray that Tori, wherever she is has found peace.

Hug your children more today and tell them you love them. Time is so precious.


For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Mission: Control

Difficult kids make me crazy. There is nothing that can make me more upset than a struggle for power involving a person who's too young to recite the alphabet. Time and time again I run into control issues with kids who, while at home, rule the roost. I might not understand their family dynamic but at my address this hen house is ruled by me and I will not be pecked into submission by a nearly three year old chick. Nope, not happening.

The essence of control is manipulation. Call it what you like, the child is willing to do whatever it takes to make them feel that they have defied you in order to feel power. Normally, I would say that this is a time to pick your battles. Some issues just don't warrant a conflict. Contrary to the general sentiment of many of my posts I do believe that children must be given the opportunity to make decisions and demonstrate their free-will. This is of utmost importance because it is in these times that the child learns to also deal with the responsibilities that come from the actions they chose to employ. Wearing a summer dress in the dead of winter even after Mom has suggested otherwise is a good lesson when you step outside and are freezing the entire trip to the grocery store. Some lessons are better learned first hand.

I had this situation occur yesterday in my daycare. I have a child who will turn three in July. This child is fully potty trained. However, she does not chose to use the bathroom while in my care. Instead she uses her personal septic system attached to her bottom in the form of a Pull-Up. I am fully aware as to why she refuses to use the toilet. This child is extremely strong-willed. Combine that personality trait with the fact that she gets away with murder at home when Daddy is her caretaker and it makes for a very bad temperament. This child also views my environment as the root of all evil. I will not allow or reward tantrums, whining, or manipulation. In turn, this child snubs me daily and refuses to interact with me at all. Normally I could not care less about this. That is her choice to be miserable. But, when it starts to affect me then control measures turn to all out war.

Yesterday I calmly told this child that I would no longer change her diaper. She was told that should her diaper be full she would be changing herself. I knew in advance that she would call the bluff and do whatever it took to test the waters. Sure enough, by the end of nap time she had not used the toilet at all that day and was soaked through to her jeans. When asked if she had peed in her diaper I was told she hadn't. I reminded her that I could clearly see her jeans and that she had in fact lied to me and therefore would need to be changed. Sure enough, she flopped to the floor in the ready position to be cleaned and re-diapered. Little Bugger.

At this point the easy thing to have done would be to change her, go on with my day and make it easy for everyone. However, we all know that would never happen in my care. This was a lesson in demonstrating that I had given her options, informed her of the consequence and was thus carrying out my promise. Without skipping a beat I handed her a new Pull-up, her clean pants and a grocery bag. I informed her that she could change her clothes and I walked away. And, after a moment of stunned silence she did just that. And, when mom came to pick up it was the child who was put in the position of explaining what had happened that day.

Today is a new day. Will she continue to pee in her diaper? Who knows. But I am certain of one thing - Judy will not be changing it. Eventually she will discover that pulling off a wet diaper and changing into new clothes is far more work than visiting the bathroom. Add to this the embarrassment of having to admit to mom that she is solely responsible for the wet contents of her bag. What better lesson. Yesterday she learned that consequences stick, taking responsibility sucks and changing five hour old pee is gross. Tough love is tough. But the lessons learned are priceless.





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

The Great Ones Always Leave

Why do the good kids always have to go? I swear this is always the case. The great kids come, stay with you a few years and before you know it, time has passed and they are off to far greater adventures. Well, that or cheaper fees. Alas, this seems to be the norm in daycare.

Today, while tidying up the lunch dishes I heard the kids giggling downstairs. One child in particular could be heard above the others as she tried to give direction with little sound so as not to be detected. When I turned the corner to the daycare room I saw a group of very proud, smiling children with their ring leader standing in the arch way. They were proud because, as is our routine, they, with the aide of the four year old ring leader, took out all of the sleep mats and arranged them in their proper places ready for their upcoming quiet time. I don't know for what I was prouder - them for taking such initiative or myself for instilling a sense of routine in our daily activities. I extended my thanks and gratitude mixed with surprise and the smiling faces proceeded to each lay down on their mats and say 'good-night'. No tears, whining or struggles. Just happy, tired children proud of their accomplishment and the recognition given by their caretaker. Ah, if every day could be so grand!

The ring leader, who just turned four, is leaving at the end of June. I'm sad to see this child go. She is truly a delight. Happy, compassionate, empathetic, helpful and mature are terms that come to mind when reflecting on her qualities. She's off to Junior Kindergarten in the fall. Her mother, a school teacher, has secured daycare across the street from their home. Apparently this provider is charging a mere $20 and considers a child who is dropped off at 7:30 am and picked up at 4:00 pm and spends two hours away at school deserving of only a half day rate. Whatever. My guess is that at some point she will see the light. My issue is not with her but with the parents of this delightful child. It bothers me to know that I have extended my heart, my home and my family to this child for many years and my reward is to have her yanked from care the second a better financial deal comes along. I can only imagine how difficult it will be for this child to have to start school and a new daycare all at the same time. I have to wonder if the parents put any thought at all into how big of a transition September will be for their daughter. But, then again, the almighty buck always comes first in daycare, doesn't it?

I have had this same situation happen before. I have spent countless hours pondering a method of deterrence for parents to change providers when their child is older. The only thoughts that have ever come to mind is a graduated payment scale. Perhaps if parents were charged a higher rate for infants and progressively less as the child ages there would be a financial incentive to stay as the child matures. This seems to be how daycare centres operate. However, we , as providers, all know that daycare centres turn zero profit on the twelve to eighteen month age group and only provide that level of care with the hope that the same child will stay with them through the school-aged program. Sadly, with only five spots to offer as per provincial guidelines I can not operate in the hopes of the future. I am forced to live in the present.

There are also those parents who have every intention of only using home daycare services until their children are old enough to attend pre-school. Parents do this for one reason - money. Home daycare providers charge far less for the infant to toddler age group then any daycare center. And, once the child is old enough to attend a pre-school that invariably offers lower rates than the home daycare provider in the thirty month to age four group the parents bolt before they can erase their acceptance phone call heard on their answering machine. I love it when parents tell a provider that they no longer need her services as little Johnny has just been accepted to that pre-school in the neighbourhood. Of course, they have nothing but praise and gratitude toward you. In fact, they recognize that is was solely you that has make him "school-ready". "School-ready"? What the hell does that mean? Is this a parent's way of telling us that we have thus far taught their child the shapes and colours but we are incapable of introducing them to letters and numbers? Well, if it is, I have this to say; many providers are educated women. We don't provide daycare services because we are otherwise unemployable. Good gravy people - it's only the freaking alphabet!

I was having a great day today. In fact, for the most part I'm still having a great day. But, seeing those smiling kids so proud and knowing that their ring leader has few days left here with us made me a little sad. If I was honest I would also admit it makes me a little mad too. I am going to lose a great daycare child, the other kids in my care are going to lose a friend, and the child herself is going to lose a relationship of trust that was many years in the making. But what does it matter? At the end of the day the parents will have an extra fifteen dollars in their pocket. I hope they enjoy that extra money. Perhaps they could take some of it and buy their daughter some happiness. Come September she just might need it.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Socially Bored

Have you ever had that one child who, regardless of how much effort you might put forth, just will not interact? These are the kids who will not play independently, will not get their hands dirty with today's craft. They sit and sulk instead of getting up and playing with their friends. A provider friend of mine recently coined a phrase for these kids - socially bored. I think that's a great term for this situation.

I've had one or two of these kids in my care through the years. In fact, two of the socially bored children in my care were siblings. It is frustrating at best when you have kids like this in your care. Your attempts at interaction are futile and it really brings down the group as a whole. It's also very disheartening when you put so much thought, expense and effort into a special outing only to find this one child does nothing at all to take advantage of the new environment and all the exciting things it offers. It makes you wonder why you attempt to include them at all.

There are two common factors I have noticed in relation to social boredom. The first is that these kids are usually the least well-behaved for their parents. And two, that all of these kids seem to lead very busy lives. They are involved in many sports, library programs, and tutoring. This might not seem like anything out of the norm for many families but one must consider that we are referring to four and five year olds. Many times, even younger. The question always comes to mind whether they are bored in daycare because they are accustomed to being so busy the rest of the time or are they busy because the parents don't want to deal with their behaviour. The father of one of my socially bored daycare children will readily admit that his days off with this child are hell. In fact, he openly tells me that he would rather work than stay home with his manipulative, whiny five year old. Instead of changing the behaviour he simply signs her up for another activity. Yep, cheque books and ballet shoes seem to be popular behavioural management strategies these days. Why deal with your own child's behaviour when a ten dollar tutu and a fifty dollar cheque to the city activity department will buy you a half hour of silence and make your child some one else's problem.

Socially bored kids are not bored. They lack skills. These kids do not know the value of entertaining one's self without the aid of mommy, daddy, the television or the ballet instructor. They depend on everyone else to find joy and excitement for them. What happened to the days when you could build a sandbox out of spare lumber, buy some shovels and buckets and watch your kids play happily for hours? Has television, playstation and our overwhelming guilt at not spending enough time with our kids overtaken the simple things? I think so.

Socially bored kids are boring. No one wants to play with the pouty little kid sitting on the sidelines with their arms crossed. So do your kids a favour. Next time they want you to entertain them with outings to the movie theatre, ballet class or the newest gaming unit introduce them to the sandbox. There is much to be learned there. The sandbox is full of wonder and understanding of physics in the world. Yes, they may protest but there is a reason thirty year olds push out babies and not the other way around. Give your child the gift of the ability to find wonder and excitement without your constant assistance. And then grab a book and spend some time on the deck reading while your kids discover all the things sand has to offer. It's a gift for both of you. Take advantage of it now. Sand passes through the hourglass quickly.





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Neurosurgery And Rocket Science Is Hard Work

I always love it when I hear comments like, "Oh, wow, I don't know how you do it". Usually these remarks are more concerns than general statements. In interviews it always comes up. New parents wonder how the heck it is that you can handle the care of five little people at one time. To the casual observer these concerns might be justified. To daycare providers it's just another misunderstanding of who we are as people.

There are many jobs I could never do. I could never work at Tim Hortons. The standing all day long, smiling at people who are in a hurry and just wanting their coffee would simply kill me. I also couldn't be a neurosurgeon. The immense responsibility for the morbidity and mortality of others is far more than I could handle. And the presence of blood and disease is not something I want in my daily life. Rocket science, with it's implied excitement of sending people and materials to outer space, sounds like fun but the years spent studying and preparing for such a career is more than I am willing to give.

Daycare providers harbour a big secret. The secret is that it really doesn't take any special skills to be a good provider. You do need to be compassionate and kind. I do however, believe that most people possess these attributes if you look hard enough. The only skill we really possess that makes us successful in our field is multi-tasking. There I said it - we only have one true skill. But this is not a skill that is easily honed and if you lack it - then you lack it. Without the ability to multi-task and think three steps ahead your daycare career will meet an untimely demise.

My response to those parents in any interview that ask me in a curious and concerned matter how it is that I can ensure their child will not be forgotten is this, "I couldn't imagine sitting in your chair at the bank with the enormous responsibility of all that money. I also couldn't imagine cutting into some one's brain. Just as a neurosurgeon could never do my job neither could I do his. When I go in for surgery I don't doubt the ability of my surgeon. When I visit your bank I don't doubt your ability to count my change correctly".

The above statement alone is enough to prompt them to reconsider their misgivings. We all possess inherent traits that allow us to be successful in the various aspects of our fields. So don't ask me again how it is that I do what I do. Just take into account my track record and the fact that never once has a parent arrived at pick up to not find their child intact. Daycare isn't rocket science.





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Sunday Dresses And Patent Leather

I had to chuckle when an email came in with a topic suggestion. I want to thank that follower who offered up the topic for today's blog.

This blog follower lives in a new home. If you have ever been to a new development one of the things that is painfully obvious is the amount of dirt, dust and mud everywhere. In fact, in many cases there are homes built and lived in for months before sod is laid on the property. It's in short, a dust bowl when it's dry and a pig's paradise when it's wet. Any idiot can figure this out if they had played in a sand box for even five minutes as a kid.

However, this reader also has one of those parents. You know, the parents who, on their day off have left their child for the entire day so they can shop. Shopping at Gymboree, Kid's Gap and Matilda Jane. If you are unfamiliar with any of these stores don't feel bad. I can't afford the prices there on my daycare earnings and I suspect neither can you. But, I do know how to read clothing tags and branded labels that are sewn across the chest of every shirt the Gap makes. Geesh, they should pay the parent for using their kids for free advertising. Alas, I digress.

Although the child in the care of this reader looks like a picture out of a fashion magazine it becomes apparent that white pants on a warm spring day in a dirt filled yard is pretty impractical. Yes, you read it correctly - WHITE - pants! Come, on. Who puts their child in white pants? Did they just become parents this week or are they delusional? White pants on a two year old. Yeah, great. What a lovely treat for a daycare provider. Of course, these are also the parents who like their child to look good all the time. When they pick the child up they will be shocked at sight of those now rainbow coloured pants. I'm also quite sure the look of disapproval from the parent will be hard to miss. Tsk, tsk. But hey, at least she didn't scuff those patent leather shoes! Daycare provider one, parent zero!

I love parents who are pleased that their child looks like a farm worker at pick up each day. Dirty kids are happy kids. I don't see the problem with a little dirt. In fact, the best sign that a child has had a productive and wonderful day is in the daily log that is written on each piece of their clothing. There is the orange smudge on their sleeve from the cheese they had for snack, the blue streak on their forehead from the craft they did this morning, the red tomato sauce from today's spaghetti lunch, the green grass stain from the bottom of the slide, and the brown dirt patches on their knees from a session in the sand box. Kids don't care if they're dirty. But they do care if they have to sit on the sidelines to protect their bleached white pants and their gleaming shoes.

Dress your kids appropriately for daycare. Yes, we appreciate clothes that fit and seasonal footwear but we aren't picky as to whether it's Gap or Wal-mart. Because, in the end, I forecast they'll all look the same by the end of the day - a brilliant hue of rainbow!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Thoughts On The Deck

The Spring weather must be getting to me. I'm in an unusually optimistic mood today. When this rare occurrence happens I tend to make the most of it. Perhaps it's all the fresh air I have been getting lately when we go outside for home time. Or maybe it's the fact that at quiet time I clean up my house and it actually stays that way because all the kids go outside after nap time. Who knows? But I do know it's working for me, whatever it is!

It is during times like this that I reflect on how great my job really is. Sure, I do my share of complaining and unless this is the first post you have read here on the blog you will also know that I am quick to point out those less than positive aspects of providing care. But, if I'm having a great day then I can easily reflect on why it is that I could never go out into the real world and get a job. Well, first there is my, ahem, 'assertiveness'. Yes, that is definitely not a plus in the real world of employment. Well, unless I'm running an army base that is!

I sat on my deck at quiet time today sipping coffee and typing out a blog post. There was a faint hint of the smell of rain in the air. The wind was barely existent and the birds were gathering food before the storm hit. It was heavenly. I realized, as I have many times before, that this job certainly isn't so bad. I mean, where else could you take nearly two hours to sit on your deck and enjoy the scenery while you are getting paid? I tried that at jobs before and it just never seemed to work out for me. But, then again I had a boss in that other job. Which brings me to the next aspect of my job that I love. Isn't it great that you don't really have to answer to anyone? Yes, there will always be that one pain-in-the-butt daycare parent but we all know what happens to them if they go too far. Could you do that to your boss in any other job? Once again I ask you to trust me when I tell you that, no, you can not!

My co-workers don't invite me out for drinks and expect me to hang out with them after work either. Whew! Because the thought of having to ever again attend a baby shower and spending money on a gift for a supervisor I really didn't like anyway would be enough to make me quit. My co-workers don't expect much other than for the snack lady to show up every few hours with sustenance. Oh, and for help with the Play-doh lids. Yep, there's always that. Now, if I could find a way to get rid of my co-workers bosses then we would really have something great to talk about.

I also love the fact that my good friend Martha Stewart is able to stop by during my work day. Martha is a lovely lady who occasionally prepares a casserole for me during the work day. It's always great when she does this because at 4:30pm I can relax and catch the last half of Oprah. Martha also does laundry during the work day too. Sure glad I don't have to work all day and then spend free time folding underwear and chopping onions. Yep, that Martha is a keeper. Every daycare provider needs a Martha in their life. Ah, I bet you have one, don't you? You don't have to keep her secret any more.

And then there are my kids. They are always around. I might be weird and completely different then most parents but I actually like having my kids around 24/7. Gasp! Yes, you can tolerate your own kids. But then again, my kids are polite, caring and respectful. Imagine! But what I like most is that I never have to go to work to pay for daycare and then come home to find that Martha never stopped by my home. Nope, at the end of the day my kids and I can just go out and play in those puddles the rain has left us. And when we're done the casserole will be ready.


Aahhh....what it is that my friend Dorothy says? Oh yeah, "life is good"!



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Pooper Scooper For Hire

Potty training is horrible. It's bad enough that I have to change stinky, poop filled diapers but an entirely other story to have to scoop it out of a pair of underwear. Potty training is the bane of my existence. Really and truly - I can't stand it. Not that I am easy to please. I loathe diapers and their organic contents with as much fervour. Like I said, I'm hard to please.

By nature I am a bit of a freak when it comes to "other people's dirt". Public washrooms are my arch enemy and nothing could make me cringe more and want to instantly run home, burn my clothes and scald myself in the shower than misjudging the pee-squat distance and touching the public toilet. Eeewww.......

So, as if it needs to be said - I don't do well with other people's organic output. Not...at...all. But, what goes in must come out and as Bear In The Big Blue House says, "everybody poops". So, alas, part of my job must include changing diapers and teaching kids how to listen to their bodies and make it to the toilet on time.

Potty training can be a very frustrating time for the daycare provider. You have finally put your foot down and demanded that the nearly three year old transition on to potty training. You are tired of feeling like you work in a nursing home and familiar with Depends each time you have to change the big kid poop. "Enough is enough", you say. You're done gagging and you're ready to move on.

My first rule of potty training is that "I" will not be the trainer. Sorry, but in my opinion, this is a parental duty. I'm only the assistant coach who rallies the team with terms of encouragement and the occasional high-five (after you have used the SOS pad and the Clorox to wash after your first free-hand wipe). Parents are told to take a long weekend or perhaps one of those frequent days off to stay at home with their child and start the process. I often offer resources and information for them to get started off on the right foot. I also remind them that although there may be great accomplishments made over this first weekend the contract also states that the child must be accident free for two weeks in my home before the diaper or pull-up is exchanged for underwear.

Monday morning comes and the child shows up excited to show you her new big girl underwear. She whips down her pants and you try to smile as you comment on how nice her Dora Pull-Up looks. Of course, what you really want to do is tell mom that Pull-Ups are NOT underwear. I am a stickler for calling things what they are especially when it comes to a multi-staged process like potty training. If you call the Pull-Up "underwear" then where on earth do you progress to when you stop using it? Regardless, you bid mom a good-bye and you go on with the day. You ask the child every five minutes if they have to use the potty. Finally, after hearing a NO response for an hour you take upon yourself to place the child on the toilet just in case. This is when you find out that she has filled her Pull-up with the contents of multiple sippy cups full of liquid. Sigh...strike one. The day, the week and many more weeks continue. You work your butt off (no pun intended!) to make this a success. The child is doing very well and you have praised her sufficiently. It's time to move on to underwear.

There is one pet peeve of toilet training and it seems to happen quite frequently. It appears that it is often I, and not the parents who are doing to bulk of the work. I have had many a child be successfully trained at my home only to learn that while she is with the parents a Pull-up is used instead of underwear. The parents, claim to not be able to get the child to use the toilet. Well no wonder; why would a child ever choose to leave their exciting game or toy or television program to use the toilet if you have provided her a personal septic containment system strapped to her behind? It's not hard to figure out. Geesh, it's no wonder she has accidents at my house on occasion. She probably has to pull down her drawers to check and see if she can pee in them or not. Who can remember?

Now that I have fulfilled my role as assistant coach many times I have a few tricks I use to both make the job easier for me and to provide the parents with a lesson in what it is I do while they are at work. I used to scoop poop from underwear of children who were not making it to the potty. Now I simply remove the clothes, poop and all, and place them in a grocery bag. At pick-up I hand over the package and request that tomorrow the child arrive in their Pull-up. It doesn't take long for a parent to meet the request when they go home and discover a warm, six hour old poop that has been sealed in a plastic bag. Hey, tough love is tough.

Children seem to take longer to train these days. I also find that the age of potty training has progressed in the last few years. It used to be normal for a two year old to be fully potty trained well before their third birthday. Now it seems we have three and four years olds running around with size six diapers that can barely contain the contents of their intestines. Parents are too busy, too scared or just don't care. Combine these factors with the worst invention of all time - the Pull-Up - and we are in serious failure mode. Once again it comes down to parenting. Yes, it's a tough job but try being a four year old who has to sit in his own poop in JK while all his friends make up names for him. Yeah, it's tough being you, isn't it?

Potty training doesn't have to be complicated. And daycare providers don't get paid to be on poop patrol. My salary only reflects assistant coach pay. But, if you want me to be the team captain I can do that too. Just sign the back of your pay cheque and I can scoop all day.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Velcro Is Great But Not A Personality Trait

What satisfaction do parents get out of supporting their child in being dependent on others every second of their waking hours? I swear I see this more and more the longer I am in daycare. It always astonishes me that any parent would want a dependent rather than an independent child. I have to wonder if somehow, keeping the child dependent feeds the needs of the parents rather than the needs of the child.

I have a particular child in care who is so dependent she can't even sneeze without assistance. This child is two years and seven months old and has been in my care for a year and a half. She constantly hovers and follows the oldest child in my care. It is as if she views the older child as her sole support system. She is unable to do even the simplest tasks alone. Her developmental capabilities are on target and she possesses the dexterity and know-how to complete simple tasks. However, her emotional instability in constantly needed to be attached to someone hampers any and all attempts at normal, age appropriate skills.

Many years ago I had this child's older sibling in care. She was very similar. And, for a few days last month I had her older sister in care again during a family emergency. These few days were absolute hell. I was astonished to see that the younger child literally attached herself to her older sibling every second she could. So much in fact, that the oldest child could not physically play. When I attempted to physically separate them to allow the oldest child some time to be alone I was reassured that this happens at home all the time and it was okay. Okay? No, I don't think so. There is a difference between sibling love and affection and an unhealthy attachment that does not allow either child to function normally. It was then that I realized this was a far bigger problem then I had ever imagined. How truly sad for that older child to have to bear the burden of responsibility for the happiness of her sister. And, how sad for the youngest child to be encouraged to be so dependent on another for her own happiness.

I brought this up to the parents and they were not at all surprised. Well, of course not! They encourage it! This is of course, the same set of parents I was referring to when I once ran into them in their car in the Wal-mart parking lot only to witness the five year old with a soother in her mouth. Yikes!

Dependent children are not happy children. In fact, in my experience, those that are most dependent on their parents or any other person are the least happy. Yes, there are those experts, parents and book authors out there that might disagree. There are many sited reason that raising a dependent child is beneficial. I beg to differ. If they want proof they are welcome to sit in my playroom any day of the week and watch this child. Actions speak louder than words. Once witnessed first hand I highly doubt that they could disagree.

Parenting styles differ from person to person. Although I might disagree with many of the philosophies held by other parents I do agree that they have the right to chose and employ whatever method they view as most appropriate for them. But, I do have this to say; if you are going to raise your children in a manner that fosters dependency then quit your job and stay home with them. Raising a dependent child and then dropping them into an environment where the demands on attention are split five ways is almost abusive. You developed this reality - you should feed it. Your daycare provider should not pay the price for your parenting choices. Neither should your child.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

I Really Didn't Ask

Don't you just love it when you put in a full day, all of your daycare kids leave well before closing time - all except one that is - and finally, right on the dot of closing the last parent arrives? Don't you love it even more when that parent tells you that their nap was fantastic and they nearly missed being here on time? This is of course, taking into account that you knew they were done work at 11:30am that day. Yes, I worked all day and I just want to thank you for letting me work an extra twenty-five minutes for just your child . And it's even better when you finally do arrive that you gloat about your easy day. I appreciate that.

Ah, that salt in the wounds stings a little.

That's all I have to say about that.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Jack Has Your Back

Today at quiet time I grabbed the baby monitor and went outside. We had just installed a new playset and have had quite the time trying to sort out the backyard since we moved here in the fall. As I set to work laying sod in our newly designated toy area the phone rang. It was a parent looking for care. After a brief chat and scheduling a time to meet I hung up the phone and set back to my work. My mind, as it always does, was working away on many different thoughts when it dawned on me what today's blog piece should be. Interviews.

We've all conducted an interview before. Some of them great and some of them dismal. Then again are those interviews wherein you want to walk across the room, grab the parents by the scruff of the neck and literally toss them out the front door as you slam it behind them. Good or bad, interviews are an opportunity to learn how to be more savvy in selling your daycare and putting forth an assertive business attitude.

My best (and most recounted) daycare interview story is a doozy. The parents arrived, took off their ten month old daughter's coat and shoes and then proceeded to put on her slippers and a sweater. They sat down on the sofa and my very old, very gentle, and quite lazy pug came over and sniffed the child's leg as she sat on mom's lap. The mother snatched her child's appendage with such fervour I wondered how it could possibly not have caused an amputation. I knew then that this was not going to go well. But, being new at the interview process and desperate for children I went forward. We went over the contract and the parents asked many, many questions. They voiced their concern over stat pay and I tried to maintain civility. When it came time for their final questions I was asked, "Where will you put your phone?". I will have to admit that I was a little shocked at this question as I had thought I had already found the perfect place for my phone on the small table in the corner of the living room. I, however, took the bait and asked, "Right where it is, in the corner. Why do you ask?". I was told that she might touch the phone if it was left there. I responded that when she did touch it I would gently ask her not to do so and eventually she would move on to more interesting things. It was at that moment that I found my number one most pathetic thing ever uttered to me during any interview....."Oh, but we don't like to say the word 'NO' to her.". WHAT????? I'm quite sure that my bulging eyes and the sweat that broke on my forehead were dead giveaways to them that I was not on board.

Needless to say they were not accepted into care. In fact, I was so happy to see them step off my front porch and get into their car that I had to visit my after work friend, Jack, to calm my nerves. What the hell had just happened? Had I seriously wasted an hour of my free time and an entire day of cleaning to parents who don't want their child to ever hear that awful, dreadful two letter word? Good gravy.

Newbie or an old pro at daycare I am sure you all have your own interview nightmares to share and I urge you to do so. But, I wanted to list a few red-flags that most occur in interviews.

Missing Child - the parents arrive without their child. Before you run to your craft bin and pull out construction paper and glue sticks and urge them to join you in making missing child posters take a breath and consider why it is the child has not accompanied them to the interview. In my experience a missing child means an ill-behaved child. Or, as happened in my case, a missing child really meant a child who was autistic. Imagine my surprise on day one of care when they showed up at 7:30am! A missing child means a rescheduled interview.

Time Crunch - the parents go over your hours and say something to the effect of , "We will try really hard to be here by your closing time. Our work is a long way from here." Translation: "We are unrealistic in our ability to work within your posted hours. We really will try to be on time but it will be virtually impossible and you will need to keep little Johnny an extra fifteen minutes each day after closing".

Kangaroos - these parents show up with their child. The child is three years old and is leaving the current daycare because the parents are unhappy with some aspects of care. During the interview you discover that in fact you will be their fourth daycare. Of course, they were never at fault and it was always the daycare provider's fault they had to leave. Yeah.........whatever. If you want to be the topic of discussion when they interview with daycare provider number five then go ahead and accept them. These parents are daycare hoppers.

Contract Quickies - the parents sit down, ask a few questions and tell you they love you already. When you try to go over the contract they are disinterested and want to know where to sign. I don't know about you but if I was serious about building a good relationship I would never sign a contract without reviewing it first. These are the parents who, on the first stat, will balk at having to pay you for a day off. After all they "didn't know" it was in the contract.

High Boys - these are the parents, or dad's in particular, who look down on you and your job. You can discern a condescending note in his voice. He clearly thinks that you are his employee and rolls his eyes at the terms of the contract. You are clearly 'Just The Babysitter'.

Demon Child - the child arrives and before you have even invited the family in the child has done a full tour of your home as he runs around like a maniac. The parents of course, have not said a word except to comment on how much energy he has. Just give him a few minutes. Before long he will know what brand of tampons you use, where your Tupperware is kept and have emptied every toy bin you spent hours that day sorting.

Cling-Ons - these are not the scary looking creatures from StarTrek. These are the children who can not be farther from mom than the two layers of clothing fabric that separate them. During the interview you learn that the child has never even been away from mom to go with her grandparents. Mom just doesn't trust others to care for her child. Yes, my friend, this is where you RUN!!!!!!

The Geniuses - the interview has gone well, they are a great family and their child is a dream. Only when you are asking your questions do you find out they already have twelve month old Johnny signed up to go to Montessori when he turns a year and a half. Because, you know that your daycare could never possibly offer enough stimulation for an eighteen month old. Sigh....

Nanny Needers - these parents want to know how you will possibly devote ninety percent of your day's attention to just their child. Of course, they can do math and understand that leaves only ten percent of your time for the other four children. But, hey, that's why they pay you the big bucks.

The most valuable attribute you can possess is your sense of people when conducting an interview. You can have the best contract, the nicest playroom and the best references. But, if you do not have the ability to 'feel people out' then your interviews will always be a crap shoot. You must be able to deal with these parents for potentially the next five years. Accepting questionable families into care means that not only have you passed up greater and far better families but that you now will have to deal with the high needs, unrealistic, or kangaroos that you have committed yourself to. The ability to pick up on red flags can literally make or break you in the daycare field. And never, ever be afraid to stop an interview in its tracks and let the parents know that it will never work for you. I've done it before and although it might initially shock the parents they do respect your forthright and upfront truth. There is no time to waste on families who clearly are not going to work. Well, that and the fact that it's after work hours and your friend Jack has been calling.




For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Being Happy

Life is too short. I think we can all agree on that fact. We are all mothers, wives, and caretakers of many. The demands on our time and emotions are great as they are for any woman - provider or otherwise. There comes a time in your life when you have to reflect on what it is that you really want. This is not an easy thing to do, either. Too often it is very difficult for daycare providers to ask for, and implement situations that meet their needs. The fact that we work with children makes it increasingly hard. Whenever someone puts their needs first by definition that means the needs of someone else are being pushed down the priority list. In our case, that includes children.



I would consider myself a fairly common-sense, assertive person. But, even with these attributes I too find it difficult to put myself first. I have found that with the passing of time and the growth of my own children the yearning for a better work/life balance is increasingly on the forefront of my daily thoughts. And, I don't think I am alone in this experience. Many providers feel less enthralled with the aspects of home daycare as their own children become more independent, are no longer in diapers and require more of your time and attention. When our own children are small they merely require our presence and love. As our children mature there is an increasing amount of time required by the parents to shuttle children to sports and play dates. Add into the mixture additional homework time and all of the school events and functions and your monthly calendar starts to look quite cluttered. You come to a point when you realize that something else has to give because you are all out. Your giving supplies have been depleted.



I came to this realization recently in the past few months and knew that something had to be done. My personal dilemma was one of emotions versus business sense. I found myself in a position where in all of my daycare children attended on Monday through Wednesday with the exception of one family. And, to make matters more worse the other family attended only on a flexible basis and did not have a minimum committed to paid days. It doesn't take a degree in mathematics to figure out that terminating them and finding two other Monday to Wednesday children was the most logical thing to do. Who, in any other career would choose to work five days for the same amount of income that they could earn in only a three day work week? Yes, a no-brainer, as they say. However, emotions came into play when I factor in that the family I would have to let go has been with me for more than five years. They are truly wonderful people who respect what it is I do each and every day. Letting them go will not be an easy task.



If I was honest I would also admit that I have a plan in action to secure two new children. And, although the thought of transitioning two children is not the most appealing, I am thrilled with the thought that by the fall I will only work three days a week. I can not tell you how it feels to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



I tell you this story because I want others to understand that making yourself happy is the only way to live. You will become a better mother, wife and self if you create a live style that you are excited to wake up to every day. What a wonderful thought.



If you woke up this morning dreading the week ahead, one particular child, the long hours or the pittance you are earning then I challenge you to make changes. Just because you care for children does not make your needs and desires any less valuable. Parents make decisions all the time that benefit themselves and their families with little thought as to how it will impact you. And, I can guarantee that if my flex family was given the chance to work three days a week instead of five for the same income they would jump at the chance, give me notice and move on.



Daycare is business. Sometimes making decisions that benefit the business and its owner are hard but in hindsight they are always those most needed. So, take stock of your life and your work. Make chances to make YOU happy. Life is too short to be miserable. Besides, we are teaching our children nothing if we allow them to watch us settle for less. And for me, that's not acceptable.







For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Contracts - Sanity Savers On Paper

An old man I know always says, "Good fences make great neighbours". This old adage that he constantly repeats has a ring of truth. The fence is the line that sets boundaries that are clear and not open to interpretation. Daycare contracts are very much like those fences the old man talks about. Contracts are the staple of daycare. Contracts outline expected parameters of care by the provider and the guidelines that must be followed by the parent. Without a contract too much is open to interpretation and perception. Providing daycare without a contract sets up the provider for many problems in the future.

The first rule of daycare contracts should be that they are not negotiable. This means that you, the provider, drafts a contract with the specifications that are important to you. Only you know what satisfies you with respect to hours and fees. If you are working for less pay then you deserve or longer hours than you can tolerate you will become resentful and burned out long before you imagined.

If you don't have a contract or your contract is very simple you might want to think about amending it to include:

Fees - What is the daily fee for care? Do you offer only full day fees or will you also offer half day fees?

Hours - What are the hours YOU want to work? These hours are not negotiable. Say it with me - NOT negotiable!!!!

Committed Days - Do you wish to make parents commit to a specific number of days they are responsible to pay for regardless of their child's attendance? Most providers insist that parents pay for all regularly attended days whether the child is there or not. And no, it really shouldn't matter to you that Grandma has dropped into town for the next two weeks. It's bad enough that you will have to deal with the ill-effects of all that spoiling so you should certainly get paid for it.

Vacation - Do you require parents to pay for your vacation time? What about the parent's vacation time. Hint - make the parents pay for any time they take off. The cable company and the city tax clerk doesn't care that they have been on vacation and didn't "use" the services. Why should it be any different for you?

Illness - When is it acceptable to allow children into care when they are not feeling well? Do you allow double-barrelled green snot, vomit, diarrhea? Think about this one really, really well. My experience tells me that parents always underestimate the severity of any illness so you might want to err on the side of caution or you will be running a wing of a hospital rather than a daycare.

Termination - What notice is needed for either party to terminate services? Yes, six months might be great for you when the parents are terminating but just think what a living hell it will be if you have to keep a Demon child around for six months. Be reasonable. Two weeks in the norm.

Naps - Well, I guess it all depends whether or not you are okay working a ten hour shift with no break. If you really want to do that then forgo daycare, sell your home and move to China and get a factory job. Hey, how do you think they sell all that Dollarama stuff so cheap? Most parents will balk at naps claiming they can't get their child to settle at night. This is a lack of parenting and not a result of too much sleep.

Toys - Make it clear if you are okay with children bringing toys from home. Keep in mind though that any lead way in a contract is a loop-hole to strap their toy box to their back each and every morning. If you are willing to keep track of twenty McDonald's toys, blankets, dolls, Lego, Barbies, and Pokemon then go for it. But the first time you have a parent searching your playroom an hour after closing for that 'special' toy remember that I told you so!

Late Fees - How much is your "free"time worth to you? The goal here is to set a fee and hope you never have to use it. Late fees are intended to make a point and not to consistently be used by parents to pay for extended care hours because they needed to pick up groceries after work. Parents who consistently come late will find themselves without a provider.

Payment Schedule - What day do you want to be your payday? Keep in mind though that parents often have very short memories by Friday. It's amazing that all things are forgotten right around 5pm on Fridays. I mean, really, how can they be expected to remember your cheque on a Friday when they have that list to go to the Beer Store, the mall, and get ready for the BBQ with friends. Ah, heck you can wait until Monday, right?! Hint - have your families pay on Monday at drop-off. And remember.....NO PAY - NO STAY!

Statutory Holidays - Unless the parents have decided to move to that factory job in China with you then I'm going to bet my last dollar that they get statutory holiday pay. And, if they get paid for a day they aren't working then so should you. Oh, and when a holiday falls on a Saturday or Sunday take the Friday or Monday off in lieu of the holiday. Hey, your daycare parents are!

The Fine Print - Always, always, always, have a clause that reads, "The terms of the contract are subject to changes at any time. Should changes be made you will be given the opportunity to review and agree to the new terms". Basically, this is just a fancy way of telling parents that you will add additional policies when they screw up and you see a need to address it in the contract.

It is my experience that those providers who have been in business the longest also have the most comprehensive contracts. My husband always jokes when I encounter a new problem and says, "Uh-oh, I guess the contract just got longer". And he's right.

Ask for and demand what you want and you would be surprised at how many people will respect you for that. And for those who challenge the contract? Let them loose. You're saving yourself a headache later.