Cry Baby

Criers, screamers, whiners - call 'em what you want. We've all had them and none of us want them. So, what do we do when we find our selves in the unfortunate situation of having a screamer?

Recently, I was chatting with an on-line friend about this very topic. As has happened with most of us she recently took on a child who has the uncanny ability to cry over just about everything. If you can managed to get past that post traumatic stress induced loss of memory courtesy of your last crier then you will also recall that screamers will make you want to find the nearest bridge and jump.

I could just see the news cast now. Rolling footage would be seen of a woman teetering off the side of a bridge mumbling incoherently to herself. Below, surrounded by cameras would be five little bodies - one of them screaming, of course - all complaining that the "snack lady" was up there playing on the bridge and they were robbed of their watermelon and arrowroot biscuits. They would ask when she was coming down and then run off distracted by the butterfly that fluttered past them. Finally, the woman would be rescued by a nice, buff fireman. The "snack lady" would smile, glass-eyed, at the fireman and say, "Ah good boy, you're not crying". He would look at her, realize her insanity and then pass her over to the men in white coats. Meanwhile, the screamer would still be screaming and the kids would be yelling to you asking when snack time is coming.

Alas, I digress!

Yes screamers can make you literally insane. For this reason alone they should be terminated. When all attempts at soothing and transitioning have been exhausted the self-respecting daycare provider will call it quits and bid a fast farewell to the child with the hope of one day regaining her hearing.

As recalled to my on-line friend I would like to offer to you a short story and additional reason for terminating the screamers:

Imagine as a parent you pack up your precious child every day and take her to your trusted daycare provider. You arrive, kiss her good-bye and hand her off. Your precious child runs to the toy room ready to have fun and play with her friends. All is great until her one little friend arrives. Suddenly, the group changes and everyone starts to be come tense and stressed. You see, her "other" little friend cries all the time. It scares your child when this "other" child cries all day long. It makes your child's little heart beat faster and she feels anxious and bothered by the constant screaming and crying. And, worse yet, your precious child is picking up on the anxiety and stress felt by her lovely daycare provider. In short, your child is living in a personal hell because one friend seems to steal all of the attention, fun and love of the daycare environment.

Would you want YOUR child to be put in this environment? I know I wouldn't!

I once had a child start in care and he literally cried every minute of every day for four weeks straight. Eventually, with some guilt I terminated services and immediately felt better. However, the lesson learned was more important than the return of my sanity. You see, one day in the week following his termination the mother of a three year old boy in my care made the following comment, "You know, last night in the car Andrew was telling me how glad he was that the new boy wasn't coming anymore. Andrew told me that the boy's crying made him feel upset and it made YOU mad". Yeah, imagine as a daycare provider discovering that a three year old had not only managed to pinpoint your exact emotions at having listened to a crying child all day but that he had relayed that information to his parents. It was in that moment that I realized screamers and criers are a detriment to your daycare. They affect everyone. They are like a disease that spreads and eventually makes everyone sick - sick of hearing the crying, sick of their little hearts racing, sick of their provider being tense and short with them.

Keeping a crier in care does no one any favours. If a child hit another child repeatedly each and every day we wouldn't think twice about terminating that child. How then, is a crier any different? They aren't.

If you have a crier in your care I challenge you to take a long hard look at them and the environment they create. Do they make your day harder than it needs to be? Do you feel your heart beat a little faster every time they turn on the tears? Are the other kids covering their ears and tired of listening to the ear piercing shrills of screaming every day? If so, type up that termination letter today. Hand over that letter at pick-up and then get out your Sharpie and start counting down the days to a cry-free zone.





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Fabulous Fall

September is four days away. I feel like I was in a coma all summer long and completely missed the season. Was summer ever really here? I don't know what the weather was like in your part of the world but in Southwestern Ontario it was down right miserable. Rain, rain and more rain in the months of June and July. August started out mimicking summer with it's above thirty degree temperatures and sunny days. But, sadly, August decided that hot, blistering days should give way to fall-like temperatures, severe weather and cloudy skies. We were robbed - plain and simple.

As much as I love summer and the opportunity to spend time on the deck while the kids frolic in the yard I have to be honest and admit that the approach of falls fills me with the warm and fuzzies. There is something comforting about the smell of dead leaf piles and sweaters. Is there anything that screams "fall" more than walking outside around dinner time and meeting the wafting aromas of pot roasts and home baked desserts that escape their red brick confines to permeate the crisp fall air? Oh, and the forest with that familiar, crunch, crunch, crunch sound as I walk through the beautiful reds and oranges makes me simply giddy inside. Yes, I am a closet fall lover. I don't admit it much because to be Canadian is to loathe the coming of winter and anticipate summer.

Fall has a sense of place. It is the beginning of a new school year and everyone getting back into routine. It means leaving the beach and returning to the office. It signifies the loss of cellulite revealing shorts and the arrival of cozy jeans that conceal hairy legs. The coming of fall sends folks into a furry of "getting back to normal". Parents start searching for daycare after coming back to reality. Parents with children already in care get back to a proper bedtime schedule and kids attend every day without weeks off for vacation. In short, our jobs get easier and abundance seems to be the word of the month.

September is a great month for daycare providers who have struggled to fill spots over the summer. I always notice that in September the emails start drifting in from parents who are frantically searching for immediate care. What a wonderful time to be a provider. With so many interviews and families to choose from you are sure to find your perfect match.

As sad as I am to bid farewell to summer I do look forward to the arrival of fall. In my opinion there is no other time that benefits a daycare provider more. Rested kids who are in attendance every day. We no longer need to re-transition kids off on vacation for weeks at a time. The weather is neither too hot nor too cold to get outside and enjoy the last few months of sunshine. Hoodies and jackets replace copious amounts of slippery sunscreen. And rubber boots are always a welcomed replacement to sandals and shoes that require assistance.

Bring on fall. Enjoy it while you can. Turkey Day is just around the corner with it's leaf and twig craft centre pieces, and hand print turkey mock-ups. And before you know it the jolly old guy will be all the talk. Yes, enjoy fall now. In a few months you will wish it were here again.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Does anyone conjure up a vision of a zombie looking guy with unruly hair and half a tube of mascara dripping from his eyes? If so, then you will know my friend Mr. Alice Cooper. Mr. Cooper is not a nice guy. I'm taking lessons from Mr. Cooper. I'm done being nice too.

Over the years I have started some horrendous kids in care. Everyone knows most kids cry for the first day or two. The questionable aspect regarding new kids is always how long they will carry on crying. We are not fortune tellers. None of us can predict just how long it will take for a child to settle in. I wish we could all have crystal balls that would tell us that child 'A' will settle fully in three weeks and child 'B' will still be carrying on by the time Christmas rolls around. And usually, if you are anything like most providers, by the time three or four months has passed with a child in care it is far too awkward to terminate. Your continued care is akin to acceptance of the behaviour and it is hard to let go of a child who has not developed any new behavioural problems. So, when then is a child not settling? Without the aid of a crystal ball how can you tell the difference between an 'A' child and a 'B' child?

Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to the aforementioned question. If I did not only would I be good I would be GREAT at my job. I would also have far healthier ear drums and quite a few more ounces of my sanity still intact. I, just like you, am not equipped with any mental telepathy skills.

Over the past few years I have had the worst group of daycare kids I have ever encountered. Excuse me if I admit that, for the most part, they were the biggest group of overly-coddled, demanding, whiny, dependent and manipulative kids I have ever met. It is a wonder they managed to stay in care for as long as they did. For the most part, they have all made their exits in one manner or another over the last few months and I was put in the position of virtually starting over. What a blessing in disguise! I know now, by the sheer wonder and joy of my present, new faces, that my old group was a reoccurring bad dream. Gosh, I have to wonder how it was that I got myself into that position. I must know or I am certain to repeat my mistake one day in the future.

Once you have had difficult children in your care you start to pick up on the attributes those children hold. Every difficult child in care is an educational opportunity to learn who it is these kids really are. Knowing what makes these kids difficult and having the ability to see the same characteristics in other children - especially children new to your care - is imperative if you plan to maintain a happy, positive environment. I have had some of the most obstinate children you will surely find in care in the last two years. In some small way I thank them for teaching me what it is I am not willing to deal with on a daily basis. In short, they introduced me to Mr. Cooper.

From here on in I will no longer allow a child to scream, whine or cry for a month at the onset of care. I'm just not willing to take the chance that accompanies such behaviour. I am not willing to look at the calendar in December and thank God above that I will have a week off at Christmas just so I won't have to deal with one particular child. No thanks. I've been there before and I don't intend to again.

Kids and parents beware. Mr. Cooper is now in charge. If you want to coddle your kids, allow them to scream instead of speak or let them walk all over you and leave me with the luxury of the fall-out between 7:30am and 4:30pm you will quickly find yourself searching for daycare. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. Cooper is in charge now. Just take a look at him - he's scary. And so am I!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

The Green Eyed Monster

Today's blog entry is sure to stir some controversy. Some things need to be said though and I am more than willing to be the object of disdain for having brought a topic to the surface. Today I want to talk about money. Money, money, money. If there is one subject that will make people more uncomfortable then I don't know what it is. We need money. There is no way around it. Unless you want to live as a Tibetan monk sporting bare feet and a scratchy robe you will need money. As daycare providers we work for money. We don't wipe bums and noses for free and I dare suspect that even if we could afford to work for free few of us would. Fair work is deserving of fair pay.

I want to ask you a question and I want you to take a second and answer it honestly.

How many times have you struggled with finances or wanted to raise your fees or charge for statutory holidays but you didn't because you felt "bad" for the families in care? Come on now, be completely honest with yourself. My guess is that if you are being honest then you will recognize that you too have allowed you and your family to go without a fair and reasonable income because you assumed that the finances of your daycare families were more important than your own. After all, as daycare providers we do not have the expense of daycare ourselves. But, don't be fooled. Even though we do not have to hand over upwards of two hundred dollars a week in daycare fees neither do the families in care have to pay to feed and entertain five children each and every day. My point is that you DO have 'daycare fees'. The only difference is that you pay for other children to have a safe and fun daycare instead of paying someone else for that service.

Recently, while advertising for available spots within my daycare I changed an ad to reflect a fee of $35 per day instead of $36 per day. I had fully planned to raise my rates in January 2010 and I thought it pertinent to advertise at a rate closer to my predetermined annual increase rather than start a child off in care and change the rate three or four months later. I did in fact sign on one family at the advertised rate of $36 but will admit that I felt some guilt when later in the month I signed on another family at the changed rate of $35. I even considered changing the $36 family to be in line with the rate the other families were paying. That was of course, until I realized my mistake.

There is a lot of resentment in the minds of daycare providers who feel they have shorted themselves what is fair and reasonable for the job they do. Resentment is a human emotion and is deserving of attention if you start to feel those pangs of animosity. Take a minute to read any book whose topic is psychology and you will understand that resentment is a warning flag that you do not feel at peace and have a general sentiment of not receiving what it is your self-worth deems appropriate.

The other day I watched my new daycare family pull up in their shiny new BMW. It didn't take long for my guilt at charging them the 2010 rate four months early to wane. After all, money is about priorities and I can only assume, as a parent, that my choice of daycare fees would come after my choice of car to purchase. In short, I assume they can afford the rate. And if they can't? Well, as I have always said, money is about priorities.

I recently lost a long term flexible family who, when forewarned of the changes in the 2010 contract, did not wish to pay for a minimum number of care days a week. I was shocked and hurt; hurt because it was me, and not them, who allowed myself to be put in a position over the last five years of losing money. I felt "bad" for them. Two kids in daycare and two parents struggling to make ends meet. I overlooked small things over the years like the fact that the oldest child had three new winter coats in one season, always had the latest fashions and the newest toy to hit the shelves. But, it was when their new van appeared in my driveway that I started to realize what a fool I had been. Top of the line, newest van to come off the assembly line with all the options sat there in my driveway and I was literally losing money keeping them in care.

This family has been gone now for about two weeks. One day I sat down and went through the calendar for the last five years. I tallied up their total daycare payments. Then, I calculated how much I could have earned had they been any other daycare family subject to a minimum scheduled number of days and paying the same daily rate as everyone else. To my surprise and astonishment I discovered that over the last five years I lost $19,000. Yep, you read it correctly - $19,000!!! Yes, all that because in some small way my bleeding heart allowed emotion to take over business.

Daycare is daycare and money is money. There will always be a daycare parent sporting the newest BMW, the newest Tommy Hilfiger jeans and carrying their Starbucks coffee. I don't begrudge anyone these things. But please, oh please do not complain about my rate increase in January while you sip your morning four dollar latte while you pull your cheque book out of your Gucci handbag.

In short, just charge what you feel is important and fair to YOU. Of course, the market has to be considered. There is a set-point for any product or service. But don't ever feel bad for the rate you charge. And whatever you do, if you feel those pangs of resentment pay attention to them and do whatever it is you need to do to diminish those feelings. Your peace of mind is all you have. Be the one to offer the self-respect you deserve. No one else will.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Have Crap, Will Run Daycare

It's been a year since we moved. We used to live in a cute, quaint little pink brick, 1200 square foot home. I loved that little house. It was small but nicely decorated. I also liked the mortgage! But, there came a time when I realized that as much as I liked living in my tiny little house with my even tinier mortgage, there just wasn't enough room. My daycare business was spilling into the rest of my home and that made me anxious and cranky at the end of the day. So, amidst a falling market and for far less than was fair we sold our pink paradise for the large red brick a few blocks away.

One of the key factors when considering what house to buy was a bright, airy daycare space. I didn't want the kids to be on my main floor as they had in my other house. But I also did not want to feel like I was spending my days in a dark dungeon of a basement either. When we stumbled upon the house we now call home I knew immediately that it was the winner. Two hours and a bidding war later we owned our gem. I was excited and reeling with anticipation of never having to see daycare items once 4:30pm rolled around each and every day. Oh, how disillusioned I was!

We're funny people, we daycare providers. As much as we gripe and complain about our jobs we can't seem to leave our chosen career with the close of business every day. Just like how my daycare is mainly contained in a dedicated space it still tends to spill out and evidence of what it is I do can be found in just about every room in my house. How does this happen? Send us to the DollarStore to pick up some baggies or Walmart to purchase a ream of paper and we will always - ALWAYS - come out with some terrific find or deal that has absolutely nothing to do with anything but daycare.

As I stand in my laundry room I see high up on a shelf a booster seat. In the corner, closed up in its bag is a playpen. My garage houses my quad stroller and my sled. My yard displays a play set, sandbox and slide. My walk-in closet contains some Wal-mart deals I could not resist that will serve as gifts for the kids. My kitchen cupboards hold sippy-cups. My pantry stores arrowroots. And we won't even get into what lies in lurking of the back of my craft cupboard. In short, as much as I might like to lie to myself daycare is everywhere.

Recently during an interview a parent asked me where all the "stuff" was. In my head I was thinking, "Duh! Well, look around!". After I had some time to reflect I realized that while I know there is evidence everywhere I am also a master at hiding the clutter. In fact, one of the best compliments I ever received was, "If I didn't know you ran a daycare I would never have guessed it. Your house is so tidy". Hmmm....I'm not sure if that is a positive comment on my tidiness or a message to heed that perhaps I put my home first and my daycare second.

I will tell anyone who will listen that I hate to shop. However, my lies deceive even me. If I took a minute to show you my tax receipts from last year I would be embarrassed to tell you how much I spent on play-doh, feathers, stickers and yard sale treasures. It seems that the world is abundant in daycare crap I just have to have. I don't consider myself a hoarder but once again, I'm obviously lying to myself. The old bows from my Christmas gifts that I think will become useful at craft time this holiday season would beg to differ. There they sat for the past eight months just begging to either be used or given the mercy of a dumpster death. When stumbled upon my husband just rolls his eyes and knows better than to ask.

Perhaps I never needed a bigger house. Maybe I just needed to purge some of those bows and the third playpen I keep "just in case" I decide to go completely insane and take on three 12 month olds at the same time. And, I guess I could also toss the nine or so dish soap bottles that have a permanent residence under my deck to be used by tiny hands who can not pull the triggers on the water guns but still want to partake in water squirting fun. And of course, there is always the ten sets of extra clothes and rubber boots my own children have long ago outgrown but might be needed by a child in a rain emergency. It is my philosophy to always be prepared for DEFCON 1. Just take a look at the contents of the side pockets on my quad stroller if you need proof. Hey, you never know when you might be on your way to the park with seven kids and suddenly find yourself in the middle of an all out nuclear event. I know that the seven of us would make it through for at least the first thirty days with just the contents of my stroller. And heck, if I packed some exceptionally nutritional snacks that day we might make it to day 45.

Yes, we are daycare providers. That being said we have a lot of crap. Have you ever seen a mother and sized up the ratio of her body mass with respect to the size of her gargantuan diaper bag? Well, we have five kids so we can have as much crap as we damn well please. Besides, the value of a great daycare provider is directly proportional to the amount of crap she houses.

I am about to celebrate the anniversary of our first year in this big, red brick house. I'm glad we bought it. I sometimes think I could have purged more and stayed in our old house but then again I would have just replaced all the crap with one stop at a yard sale and two trips to the Dollarstore. At least now I can't see it. It's all neatly contained in some door or drawer or room out of eyesight. So, please don't judge me as being a poor provider because I don't have enough crap. Because I do, really, I do!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

I Hate When That Happens

Napping can be the bane of your daycare existence. If you are not consistent and have eardrums of steel you will find yourself without your daily Union Break and before you know it, closing time will sneak up on you and there will be nothing prepped for tonight's dinner. Getting kids to nap at daycare can be one of the most challenging feats you will ever experience. That being said, how is it possible that I have had the good fortune of finding super nappers?

Today, being Monday, brings with it over-tired kids who have not napped since I last saw them. And, because I only offer a four day care week that could mean a child has been without a nap for as many as three days. Monday, therefore, means an earlier and longer nap day. I'm thankful for Monday nap days as I also did not get my daily recommended allotment of sleep over the weekend. Who wants to bid farewell to a day off before the early morning hours of a Friday or Saturday night? With patio season coming to an end we attempt to draw out as many hours from these summer days and nights as possible. It inevitably always catches up with me by Monday. When will I learn?

With three kids sawing logs on their sleep mats I decided to just close my tired, weary eyes for a minute. Heck, I even justified my need for a cat nap after walking three kids in a quad stroller two kilometers to the muffin store and back today. After Lego moments and scenes of Play-doh pies, sandbox construction, and princess play I deserved a short bout of shut eye. So, there I sat, half cocked on the couch, head on the arm rest attempting to take twenty minutes for myself. Imagine my surprise and chagrin to discover one and a half hours later that so much time had passed me by. I looked over to see that the kids were still lost in slumber. Bleary-eyed I climbed the stairs to attempt to prep some dinner for tonight.

I hate the bad wake up. You know what I mean. You wake up, still half asleep fighting the urge to just lay back down and close your eyes for just one more minute. The bad wake up is even worse when you realize that you have wasted ninety of the most efficient and important minutes of the day lazing on the couch. Who would make dinner? Who would author a blog entry? How would I keep up with the happenings of my fellow daycare providers on my favourite forums? Sigh.....how irresponsible of me.

Away I went to the kitchen irritated and on edge. Yes, I completed dinner for tonight. It sits in its casserole dish as we speak. I hope my husband won't mind eating home made mac and cheese because that was all the effort I could muster. And now, here I sit at the ripe old hour of 5:20pm writing a blog entry. The kids are gone home for the day, I am up an hour and a half of sleep and I feel wearier than ever.

Yes, my name is Judy. And yes, I am complaining about my having had a nap today at "work". Yep, my life is tough. Whoa is me.........

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Good Thing I Didn't Defrost That Pie!

An anonymous comment was made on Wednesday in reference to my Humble Berry posting wherein the poster advised me not to defrost the humble pie just yet. As it turns out this was sound advice.

Tuesday night I received a call with a request for an interview. This family had a care arrangement set up for their daughter that suddenly fell through and found themselves searching for care for September. Of course, I happily agreed to meet with them. They arrived last night and spent an hour in my home.

It's funny how life works out sometimes. Just Wednesday I complained about my bruised ego and being at the mercy of families who are taking far too long these days to commit to care. And, then, suddenly, out of nowhere appears a terrific, sound, considerate family seeking daycare. And what a family they are! One could not ask for nicer people. And their daughter - oh, their daughter! She is simply the sweetest child one could ever meet. Any daycare provider would be lucky to have her in their care.

As a daycare provider you know that you have hit the jackpot of families when, while standing at your door, they ask if you have had any other interviews. And, when you truthfully tell them that there is one other family you have interviewed for the space they ask, "Is there anything we can do to increase our chances of being the family is chosen for the spot?" you know, right then, in that moment, that you have found a gem. And, I knew then that such a brilliant jewel does not come along often. Increase their chances? Wow! And I already thought they were as great as any daycare family could aspire to be.

Needless to say, today this wonderful family signed on to care. I am happy and excited to welcome their child to my home. I have no doubt that she will be a positive addition to the group of children I currently have in my care.

I will be the first to admit that my last year of daycare has been one of my worst. Too many special considerations made for families from who it was not reciprocated. Kids who wore out their welcome long ago who managed to stay in care due to ties to emotion and friendship, and those who were coddled, spoiled and cajoled by parents. And, even though I feared starting over with nearly a whole new batch of kids I have to say that every moment of fear and anticipation was worth it. There were days in the last few months when I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning knowing what laid in waiting on the other side of my front door.

I am the first person to advice other providers to terminate those families who no longer fit your group, your goals or your philosophy. But, I am not to proudto admit that sometimes even taking your own advice is hard. It's not easy to start over. But, then again, nothing worth doing is ever easy. In the last three months I have said good-bye to four children in my care. Were there nights when I laid in bed wondering how the hell I was going to fill spots in this current daycare climate? Absolutely! But, in the end, as usual, it all worked out.

There is a little more pep in my step today. For the first time in the last two years I actually look forward to Monday. Now, providing daycare is about making ME happy first and foremost. Great kids and great parents who expect me to provide a service and happily pay for that service. There are no "favours" or unreal expectations. Just real, genuine people who understand that I too, am a real, genuine person. And at the end of the day what more can you ask for?

If I can do it then so can you. Do what it takes to make YOU happy. If you have to start over then so be it. Life is too short to be miserable. There are other daycare gems out there for the taking. You might have to sift through the coal pile to find them but trust me, they do exist and they too are waiting for you to find them. Now get out there and be happy. You deserve it!



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

T.V. & Teddy Grahams

It never ceases to amaze me some of the comments parents make during an interview. I have heard it all from "we don't like our child to hear the word NO" to "we would be willing to pay you $X a day for care but we can not pay for the fees you list in your contract". Yep, heard it all. But, the most common things mentioned in the interview by parents are also the same issues that I find to be most misleading. The two issues that come to mind are food and television.

How many times have you sat in your living room chatting with a potential family and they start drilling you on T.V. time? And they all tell you that their child does not watch television at home. Depending on your views concerning television you answer in your most truthful manner and inform them of how television comes into play in your daycare routine. In my daycare setting we do watch some limited television. I explain to parents that the television will most likely be on at two times during the day - drop-off time and while I am prepping lunch. For me, these two times are not negotiable. I find television helps to settle some kids after a hard drop off and as in the case of prepping lunch, occupies them to ensure they don't need my full and undivided attention. Some people would call this type of television viewing a crutch I call it an aide.

The point that always stick with me over the topic of television is that in nearly every case wherein a parent informed me that their child did not watch the big box at home, this same child will undoubtedly know half the shows on T.V.. Hmmmm...either this child can read the programming title at 12 months or they have seen the show on a pretty consistent basis. When you can name all of the Wiggles or Dora's four closest friends then something is amiss.

My other bone of contention concerns food. Granted, food is a pretty important topic to discuss with a potential daycare provider. Food is the building block of good health and vitality. I credit any parent who views what they feed their child with great reverence. But, please, please do no sit in my living room and grill me on my food choices and then send your child on day one with "breakfast in a bag" consisting of Fruit Loops and a sippy cup of Sunny-D. Just last week I had a family sit across from me and grill me on my menu for over fifteen minutes. And keep in mind, I am a mom who also runs an organic food co-op. Finally, I stopped them and said, "Look, I understand food is important to you. But I'm the real deal here. You will NOT find a daycare who serves your child more nutritious, whole foods than I will". And yes, when they were leaving they pulled out the Teddy Grahams and handed one over. Sigh.

Maybe instead of interviews both parties should just provide to one another a video diary of a normal day. We could hire film crews to follow us around and take footage of our every move. Heck, at least then I would know ahead of time what videos to purchase for the child when they start. And it would certainly help to know that the child isn't going to touch my Ravioli and Spinach lunch dish and I could atleast open up and plop down some Chef Boyardee. Oh, and then the parents could also see how it is that the children don't whine, kick, scream or shout during their days with me. My secret would be out. Everyone would finally see that "parenting" works.

There is always going to be a gap in what parents perceive as realistic and the actual reality of what a provider can give. After all, most parents forget that we are one person caring for five children. I don't see a bridge being built over that gap any time soon. But for now I'll just keep being me, answer the questions truthfully and let the parents make up their minds. Besides, I'm not losing Dora and I'm certainly not going to invest in Chef Boyardee stock either. It is what it is. Take it or leave it.

So, I ask you all - what are some of your most memorable interview moments when the expectations of potential parents were made known? Come on, share with us. There is always a good chuckle when recounting interview horror stories. I'm waiting........

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Humble Berries Are Not My Favourite

My husband is lucky to even have a set of keys to the car. If you haven't figured it out I am used to being in the driver's seat. Hence the reason I am self-employed. It's not that I lack skills to work in the real world - I have plenty of those - it's that I lack a "mute" button. I swear I have a genetic abnormality in that my DNA is devoid of the "follower gene". I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a leader by nature. I like to make the decisions and take responsibility for their outcome whether positive or negative. In short, I am a powerhouse. In fact, a lot of daycare providers I have had the great fortune to know are also powerhouses. It's an occupational hazard.

In this current climate of home daycare the powerhouses are having a hard time. When the families are scarce and the pickings slim, we are subsequently brought down a notch on the ladder of humility. Gone are the days of interviewing five families for one spot and hand picking only the one perfect family who agrees and conforms to our policies.

I had an interview last week with a wonderful family. The next day, as usual, I sent off an email thanking them for their time and letting them know I would be happy to "accept them into care". Just imagine my shock and indignation when I received back a reply stating that they would get back to myself and any other providers with whom they interviewed in a week's time. A week? Are you kidding me? Judy fills spots faster than that! After I had a moment to get over my scarred ego I realized that at least for 2009, 'times they are a changing'.

In all the years I have provided daycare I can honestly say that if a family had waited more than two or three days to sign on to care they would have found themselves starting the process all over again. Daycare was a hot commodity and if you didn't act fast you would be left sucking up the dust of other families who were quicker to commit. Not this year.

The question begs to be answered as to why it is that the daycare climate has changed, if even only temporarily ( I hope!). Well, chalk it up to the hype of six o'clock media reports on the "recession" and you would find the first and most prominent answer. Sorry, but I don't buy it. Have their been lay offs? Sure thing! But step into an East Side Mario's, Kelsey's, Montana's, or Keg on a Saturday night and the scene there will easily counter all of the financial reports on your local news station. Combine that fact with the ads for help wanted at Wal-mart, Future Shop, McDonald's, Taco Bell and the Hotel Industry and I have to wonder if Rogers Media has a personal stake in all that financial fear mongering. Bad news sells. Good news doesn't. Period.

The second factor to the change in climate has been discussed here ad nauseam. Why is it that every time the economy "appears" to take a nose dive every mother in the city thinks she'll toss a block of Legos in her living room and open a daycare? Of course, being completely clueless to the actual work and expense involved in providing quality, long-term care she charges less for more hours than all of the seasoned, experienced area providers. "Recession providers" are like the DollarStore of daycare. Yep, pack 'em in, charge less and before you know it the daycare will be broken in six months. Funny how the statistical decline of the number of home daycare coincides with the return of the peppy, financial feel good news casts that are sure to come. Sadly, parents are too often beguiled by the cheap fees and impending financial doom of the world to care that the provider will be gone faster than you can say "Dow Jones Index Jump".

Tonight I have yet another interview. Hopefully they will be a wonderful family. But as excited as I am to have yet another interview I have to admit that there are other human feelings in the mix as well. A big part of me hopes the interview tonight signs on immediately so I will have the pleasure of informing last week's interview that I am now full as they waited too long to reply. Is that immature? Yep, it most certainly is. But, then again, it's better than the taste of that bitter Humble Berry. And besides, I hate pie!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Martha! Martha!

It's hot as hell out today. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell we are stepping outside. I am in the childcare business and not the lobster business. Besides, who wants to get everyone ready, slather on the sunscreen, find the sun hats, buckle up the sandals, and help everyone down the back stairs to be outside five minutes before they are all complaining that it's too damn hot? Nope, not me. So, on days like this I invite my friend Martha over for the day. Hell, if you're going to be stuck inside you might as well invite over a friend, put her to work and throw on an extra pot of coffee. Besides, my friend Martha knows all too well what it's like to be stuck inside all day.



We all know there are few perks in this job. And me, being an opportunist, takes advantage of every avenue I can to make life easier and thus, more enjoyable. So, I decided today I would close my eyes and summon Martha (as in Stewart) up in my mind's eye and invite her for the day.



Using my excitable voice to convince the kids that a normal Play-doh activity would be sooooo much more fun upstairs at the kitchen table rather than the cartoon, alphabet clad walls of the playroom from which emanates the classic Burl Ives tunes, I started my plan in action. Five minutes later all the kids were happily making worms and inedible gum as I was thawing meat. Yep, you read it correctly - thawing meat. You see, whenever Martha pays me a visit things get done at mach speed and in great quantities. It is as if Martha has the power to possess oneself. I only wish Martha's cooking possession was as successful at craft time. Perhaps Martha needs to work on her medium a bit harder. Stop sniffing the icing sugar Martha and get back in the game!



Just as I was finishing meatloaf for both today's lunch and tonight's dinner the kids announced they were "done". Oh crap. I still had plans to spend a little more quality time with Martha in the kitchen. No problem. Pull out the Tinkerbell printable and we are back in business.



A few hours later I had quite the list checked off.

Kids fed morning snack - check
Lunch made - check
Lunch fed - check
Kids in bed - check
Homemade muffins made for afternoon snack - check
Dinner made - check


So, here I sit at 1 o'clock, my chores all finished for the day, the kids asleep on their mats, the laundry folded, the meals made and the house clean. It makes me wonder if I really am that good at that fake smile of defeat and half cocked head I seem to manage when parents say, "I don't know how you manage all these kids every day". Well, Martha's secret is safe with me.



I can hardly wait until 4:30pm today. Normally when the end of the day comes it just means that I get to start working all over again. Only then instead of for pay I do it for free. The only similarity is the lack of recognition. But today, I can pour myself a cup of coffee and cozy up with my other good friend - Oprah.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Still Cringing

Okay, you got me. The gig is up. This is a joke, right? Ha! Ha! Ha! Very funny Ladies! So, where's the camera?........... What? This is for real? No kidding!

I can not believe that today I am experiencing a "first day". In fact, I intend to keep this blog post short because I am still waiting for the mushroom cloud of nuclear fall out to occur at any moment. The Universe just isn't this good to me - ever! And I certainly don't think I have put out enough good Karma to deserve a first day like this one. I am convinced that in the middle of typing this post I will have to toss the laptop, jump up off my butt and run to the scene of a sobbing, inconsolable toddler.

Today, new daycare boy started. This is the child of Bobble-head mom I posted about once before. In fact, I feel kind of guilty for my Bobble-head post as I am one very lucky provider today. This child came in to my home, mom followed my emailed instructions to a "T" and left after a quick good-bye. I stood there with this new little guy waiting in an anticipatory cringe stance for the wailing to start. And you know what? The wailing never came. Is there something wrong with this kid?

In fact, this child has been such a dream that at nap time - yes, dreaded, first day, first week and first month nap time - was also an event worthy of almost no mention at all. He laid down and cried and subsequently got off his mat. I quickly laid him back down prepared to lay him down yet another 500 times today. To my utter shock that was the first and only time I would have to lay him down. One hour has past and he is still asleep. How can this be?

Today is one of those rare days in the life of a daycare provider when you feel genuinely happy and berate yourself for ever having ill-thoughts about your job. You wonder how you could be so ungrateful. You realize that this job might be, for a mother, the best job in the world. It is the best of both worlds - income and home life - that one could ever have.

Ah, let's just hope the little gaffer keeps it up today. He is doing great and I thank him wholeheartedly for allowing my ear drums to remain pink and healthy and for my liver to do so as well. Perhaps tonight, instead of the bottle of Jack that is standing in waiting I will have my usual cup of coffee at 4:30pm instead. After all, Jack knows he is my true friend. And, like all true friends I will call on him when he is most needed. I am not foolish enough to think he'll sit full forever. Don't worry Jack, I'll call on you another day. But today, I am going to relish in the fact that the impossible IS possible.

Yes, today is a good day.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

First Day Jitters

Am I the only provider who starts to get a nervous stomach a few days before the start date of a new daycare child? It never fails, I look forward to their coming arrival, purchase any new equipment the child might need and call the parents to give them first day tips, and then I start to get jittery.

I always tell myself that in the end it will all work out. And really, nine out of ten times it does. I guess it goes back to the "once bitten twice shy" adage. It's pretty hard to be completely optimistic about a new child settling into care when you have, in the past, had those few children who screamed, non-stop every minute of the daycare day for four weeks straight. Yep, it's the screaming that causes my anxiety. Is there anything worse than the shrill cry of a child who has suddenly found themself in a strange place with a woman he met for a mere hour two months previously? And it matters not what your level of empathy is. These children are understandably inconsolable. Ugh....my stomach is turning already.

Monday morning I will wake up with a feeling of unease. I will be tired from the restless sleep of the previous night. And then I will try, with as much hope as I can muster to be positive and tell myself that the child will be a dream and not shed a single tear. Yeah, I can lie if just to myself. No doubt that by the end of the day I will be bald and clutching on to my bottle of Jack Daniel's while my hubby tries to coax me out of the corner. There should be a word for the daycare equivalent of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; both for the child and the provider.

I have no real justification for these feelings that invade my body at the onset of care for a new child. Like I mentioned before, with the exception of only two children in my years of daycare every child has transitioned smoothly within the first few weeks of care. If I was a mathematician the average would be around a 90% success rate for new children. It does make me wonder just how bad the other 10% was to make me still shudder more than three years later. Who knew a 12 month old could have so much power to affect the emotional stability of a 37 year old?

New kids are hard. You are desperately trying to understand their needs, personality and innate set of attributes. And, in return the child is desperately trying to trust you against his natural inclination to do so. My guess is there will be a lot of tears coming from both parties. I had better make a run to Wal-mart and stock up on tissue. And I will do just that - right after I visit the LCBO!

Monday will come and go. The child will arrive, spend the day and leave. These things are givens. The question is - will I survive with my sanity intact? Let's hope so.








For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Chaos In The Sandbox

I'm an amicable sort. I even know how to share. Heck, I teach sharing on a daily basis. I'm a team player. I get along in the sandbox but throw sand in my eyes and I am likely to hit you over the head with the pail.

I consider myself generous. When a new provider rides into the neighbourhood I am always quick to notice, call them, email them, contact them in some manner and welcome them to the circus. I have doled out advice freely about area rates, demand, bad parents, good parent, bad providers, good providers, marketing avenues and the list goes on and on and on. Hell, I even take time to blog so other providers will benefit from learning from my mistakes in the hope that they can avoid some of the common pitfalls of home daycare. So, it goes without saying that when I see an area provider using my information, my hard work, for their own benefit I am likely to get very pissy, very fast.

In the month of June I interviewed with a lovely family. They were perfect. I sent them home with a copy of my contract, policies, business card, frequently asked questions, forms and the entire gamut of paperwork. Imagine my dismay today while browsing Kijiji and I came across a "New Home Daycare" ad that looked just a little too familiar. Yes, you guessed it. My time, my business sweat and tears were stolen from me by a dishonest and greedy provider want-to-be under the guise of a parent needing quality care for their child. A simple drive-by of the property in question, compared to the photo on Kijiji gave me all of the proof I needed.

To the provider want-to-be - know this. I WILL share your name and your fraudulent motives with other area providers. I WILL let those providers know that you visited my home, wasted my time, stole my contract and forms, and posted some of my info on your website. We're a tight knit group, we providers. We welcome newbies with open arms but screw us once and you will quickly find yourself not only with no children in care but not a single area provider to take on your child when you are forced back into the real world of work. Good luck to you.

The most frustrating part of all of this is that I have freely before, and will again, give anyone a copy of my contract. As always, the message that goes along with the attachment is the same - make it your own. Change it, amend it, make it specific to you. But, whatever you do, don't just use my work. And for God's sake, have the professionalism and class to ask for it. Don't just take it.

I have an email ready to shoot off to this woman. No doubt, I will be the bad guy. I just don't care. Besides, as I have always said, "popularity is highly over rated".

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Home Time Hell

Home time hell. Is there anything that will make your end of day routine a living nightmare faster than a child turning into a demon at the sound of the doorbell? As if a switch has been triggered the child suddenly goes from being a co-operative, sweet child to a complete, screaming, manipulative mess. If this happens to you hang in there, it's more common than you might think. In the last two weeks I have received two emails from providers dealing with this type of situation.

We've all seen it. The screaming, the kicking, the running away. If it isn't bad enough and embarrassing for both you and the parents when a child conducts themselves in such a fashion it is even worse when parents start to lay blame for the behaviour. And when players start to line up to play the "blame game" it's time to put your foot down and start acting as head coach.

I have had this type of behaviour in my care over the years. However, I am usually quick to nip it in the butt early so as to not have to be faced with a full blown freak-out situation. This type of behaviour often escalates. It starts with children running away from the door when the parent comes. They refuse to leave their play toys or friends and suddenly turn deaf to requests to get their outdoor clothes on and leave. If excused, this behaviour will, undoubtedly, turn worse and before you know it you will be dealing with daily fits of bone-shrilling screams and black and blue shins.

My first course of action with kids conducting themselves in this manner is to grab the bull by the horns - or, the child by the arm. Seriously, when a child refuses to respond to my request for them to come to the door and get ready I ask one more time. If refused again I will go over, take the child by the arm and lead them to the door. Usually, this action alone is enough to warrant compliance. After all, the children in my care all know that Judy doesn't play the manipulation or control game with children. If the child starts to pull away or otherwise act out I get down to their level and tell them in no uncertain terms, "I know your mom is here but this is still MY house and therefore these are still MY rules. Now, go to the door, and put on your clothes for mommy. Mommy has had a long day and would like to go home". I have rarely had a situation carry on after delivering that line.

One must be expectant of some shock or backlash from parents. I mean, after all, if the child is golden for the provider all day but then turns into a demon at pick-up they obviously, in some way, think it okay to act in this manner for their parent and not for you. So, it makes sense to me that at home they must get away with some form of ill-behaviour through refusal to comply. Therefore, at that moment you are operating on two different parenting fronts - yours and the parent's. But, your house, your rules. Period.

So, what happens if you have taken the child's arm, delivered your line and the child still chooses to throw an almighty fit? It's very simple. You give him an option, "You can go to the door and get dressed or I will do it for you but either way you ARE going home". And then you carry out your promise. I can not tell you how many times I have stuffed shoes on a child who is screaming. But, in the end they learned that there was not a choice in going home or not. The only choice was whether they chose to make it a pleasant experience or a nightmare. In the end, you only have to carry out your promise once or twice before a child understands that their manipulative, unacceptable behaviour will get them no where. And yes, you will also find that the jaw-dropped, speechless parent will eventually come around too. And if they don't? Well, I think we all know how that will pan out!

In one of the emails received this week one provider relayed to me that the parent of her demon child is starting to blame her for the actions of the child at home time. Is this parent right in the head? If a child is exhibiting poor behaviour then why is this parent not stepping in to correct it? Did she just wake up today and discover she is a parent? Good gravy!

If as a provider you are doing your job in curtailing home time battles with no improvement then perhaps it's time to reassess how the child is parented at home. Children are smart. Children learn fast. And, most of all, children are selfish. They do what works best for them. And if it isn't working for them, somewhere, at some time then they stopped that action for one that serves them better. It's not hard to figure out that their behaviour is paying off somewhere. My guess is that if you are not rewarding them for it then someone else is. Not too hard to figure out who the 'someone' is. So, stand your ground, do your job and let the parent deal with the rest.

In the end it's your house and your rules. And, if a child or parent can't abide by those and maintain peace and harmony in your home for you and the other children in care then they are a liability, not on the same page as you, and a general pain in your backside. Time to reconsider what is more important to you and the children you care for.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Stories

Boy, the things kids say. I swear I could write a book about the uttering of little people. I remember once, when my son attended public school, sitting in the library precariously perched on the smallest chair in the universe hoping that my leg muscles would not give out and continue to aide me in supporting all of the weight that I did not trust the chair to support, listening to the head of the Early Years Department (translation - oldest and meanest JK/SK teacher of the bunch) make this solemn vow to every parent in the room, "We promise to not believe everything your child tells us about you if you promise to not believe everything they tell you about us". I had to laugh at that line. I understood exactly what this seasoned teacher was saying. Gosh, how I could relate!

I have heard some doozies in my time. My personal favourite was one little boy who obviously trusted in me to tell me his biggest secrets. He let me in on the fact that daddy would sneak out to the garage to smoke cigarettes and that we were never, ever to tell mommy. Now, to you this might not seem funny but to the daycare provider who sat in the interview with these parents and was told, in no uncertain terms, that they would not tolerate smoking at all while their kids were in care it did seem hilarious to me then. Imagine the goods I had on dad should he have ever crossed my path. I'm sure mom would have been horrified that no only was dad smoking but her son knew about it.

My other favourite was the story relayed to me by a three year old who was suffering from a yeast infection. She came out of the bathroom and proudly stated that she wiped her bum just like mommy does and that she loves mommy because mommy shares her "sore bum cream" with her! I had to laugh! A few days later I was also informed that she and mommy are " all better now". Can you imagine your child informing everyone of your vaginal conditions on a daily basis?!!

I also know that one family sleeps in the nude and that sometimes before bed mommy puts on her "princess clothes" and then she and daddy go to bed "early". Good golly! Now, just try to look at a parent with a straight face at pick up when you have been delivered that news by their four year old. I'm sure the parents would be mortified to know their child has shared such information with the daycare provider. It's times like that I am thankful my own family secrets are safe here with my kids at my side every day.

The saddest thing I ever heard came from a set of siblings in care. These poor kids would come every single day. One year, I was open the entire week of Christmas right up to Christmas Eve. And, although the parents were both on vacation time they brought their kids to care every single day I was open. One day, when the kids were here I asked them what kind of family things they did with their parents. It nearly broke my heart to hear the oldest answer, "We don't do anything. We just go to the basement and play. Mommy and Daddy play poker on the computer all day and need us to be quiet". Sad, sad, sad. Of course, these are the same parents who later left my care when terminated but continued to badmouth me any chance they got. One current parent reported back to me once that these poker parents thought my daycare environment wasn't "stimulating" enough for their kids. Hmmm...maybe I should have introduced them to Texas Hold'em. At least then they would be "stimulated" and learning a useful family time activity.

No matter how funny or sad the stories I have heard the best one ever was relayed to me by a three year old. This child was a product of great parents. Parents who would never, ever, think to leave their child in care when they were home on a day off. But, apparently, preventing embarrassment trumps any truth when it comes to diarrhea! This three year old told me that she wasn't supposed to tell me Daddy was home today because he might "poop his pants" and that he was too sick to take care of her so she had to come to my house that day. I didn't know what to do, laugh at the thought of a 30 something running at mock speed for the toilet, or his perceived indiscretion at leaving his child in care on his day 'off'. Funny, funny people!

Oh, the stories we could tell. There are days we want to pull our hair out. There are days we wonder what in hell we were thinking. And then there are days when the two year old tells you that "mommy has a baby in her 'gina" and you just have to laugh at the hilarity of it all. Oh, the stories we could tell!!!!



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Forget Business Hats. We Need Hard Hats

I will apologize in advance if this blog entry is somewhat incoherent. I have been shocked by some unexpected daycare news within the last few minutes. I wanted to share this story with you today as another example of why, as daycare providers, we need to be business people first and foremost.

I have a family in care who has been with my for five years. This was my first daycare family. I have blogged about them before. They come on a flexible basis and offer a schedule one month in advance. I have always been most accommodating with them. I have worked early, stayed late, on days I needed off and those I would have called in sick in any other job. I have taken their oldest on family excursions, both children to theme parks, lunches out and other activities I would never have thought to take some of my other daycare children. Their daughter is my own daughters best friend and they have been together since they were twelve months old. I even kept their rate at three dollars per day less than all my other families over the course of the last two years. In short, I have bent over backwards for this family.

My general rule is to make acceptions for no one. Everyone is treated the same. But this family, being my first daycare family grew on me. I sincerely loved them. They were great parents, paid on time, always considerate and generally nice people. But, in every nice person also lives someone who takes care of number one first, and in the world of daycare the provider will never be number one.

In May I informed them that as of the end of the school year I would no longer be providing daycare services on Friday. July rolled around and I found myself with a glorious day off at the end of every week. I loved it. My husband, children and I have been relishing in our extra play day each and every week. It is time well spent and I don't regret it for a second.

Today, the walls came crashing down on me. In casual conversation via an email to my daycare family last week I mentioned my additional weekly day off and this same mom informed my that she assumed my Fridays off were only for the summer. I quickly reminded her that my intent was made known to her in May and then again, to the entire daycare group, via email in July. Where does the confusion lie in that? Regardless, she was upset and "shocked" by this new (to her) revelation. After a series of emails, where once again, I offered to waiver just for her family if they could meet me half way, I received my two week's notice from this family.

I am not the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Most of the time I am able to view a situation without becoming emotionally charged. However, today was different. I am saddened, and quite frankly, hurt. I have made accommodations for this family over the last five years I wouldn't even consider with any other family. I have lost income to keep them in care. And in the end, just like any other family, to them I am disposable.

In her final email she thanked my for my service. Thanks means little when the end result is the same - they are leaving. Thanks are just words on a computer screen. I can utter the word "thanks" to anyone but unless I have facilitated the actions to confirm that 'thanks' then the word in and of itself is meaningless. There is no true 'thanks'. Today I confirmed to myself that this really is a 'thankless' job. It doesn't matter how attached, how nice, how accommodating, how pleasant, how well you do your job the end result is always the same. Parents do what suits them best.

So, here I sit hurt and angry. But most of all I grieve for my daughter and losing the best friend she has ever had.

I am not one to carry a grudge and re-hash what has happened in the past but in this case I think it pertinent. One of my earliest posts reflected on my not being able to admit that I "love" any child in care. I was flamed and admonished for revealing this fact. I was chastised and told that I was a creature, harsh, and devoid of emotional capability. Well, maybe now they understand. I know I do. Perhaps guarding one's heart is the only manner in which you can stay in this business. Today was a lesson learned. Putting your heart out there, your emotions available to be shared only sets you up for anguish. There are many situations that can make one feel worthless, angry and upset. But, for me the hardest to swallow is that of feeling used. My ego can't stand it and my heart hurts because of it.

I have always said that daycare is business first and foremost. Perhaps if I had learned that lesson five years ago I would not be hurting today. Take it from me - treat your daycare like a business, safeguard your heart and be successful. There is no other way to truly survive.







For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

No More Tears

Every once in a while I am reminded why it is that I do this job. Sure, there are those times on the deck while taking in the sunshine and getting paid I thank the heavens above I am not sitting in a cubicle. And, there are others when quitting time comes along, the last child leaves and I can relax because my laundry is done, my floor is swept and my dinner is already baking in the oven. Yes, those are some of the great perks of working from home. But yesterday I was surprised by one of my daycare children and it made me smile and feel warm inside. Because it was moments like the one I will share with you that make that little light of your soul go off like a beacon.



I have a set of twins in care. One of these little girls is what I would label as a highly-sensitive kid. And by sensitive I mean she can make a mountain out of a mole hill. Small things like changes in activity, the wrong fork or her sister getting out of a chair can set her off sounding like a siren in a fire station. She's a piece of work some days. There are times I have to double check the mirror to ensure I am not bald for all the hair I have pulled out. If there was ever a case for earplugs then this child is that case.



It boggles my mind how she has managed to stay in my care for nearly two years now. Never, in all my years of daycare have I come so close, so many time to terminating a child. As a matter of fact, somewhere in my hard drive is a ready made termination letter with her name on it. I'm serious - it's there. A big part of me feels sorry for her. I also have some empathy for her personality and sensitivity because my son was very similar when he was younger. I provide daycare because my son would never have handled using it. So, yeah, it's all about my trying to put myself in her shoes. I guess every time I come to a point where I have wanted to terminate her she manages to do something kind and caring and once again I am reminded that no one is all bad all the time. So I have stuck it out hoping that one day the Gods would look down upon me and send me some good Karma in return. Yesterday was that day.



I had noticed over the course of the last few weeks that her general attitude had gone from one of a hyena on a blood lust to that of a prairie dog - meek and mild, always looking over the side of the hole to asses the situation before running for cover. But, I had been here before. She has always had good days only to return to her old ways the very next day. My expectations therefore were short lived. The last few weeks have been different. There has been consistency in her moods. She smiles (who knew!) and she laughs. Laughs? Really? Gosh, I honestly have not heard her laugh in the nearly two years I have had her in care. How sad is that?



Yesterday I turned on a CD of Moose Songs and ran upstairs to fill up my endless cup of coffee. When I returned, sipping my sweet nectar of the Gods I was shocked to find her dancing in the middle of the room, princess clad dress-up clothes and all. And then it happened. That moment where I thought my heart might melt right there into a puddle on the floor. While dancing, she smiles at me and says, "I'm not crying anymore". Yes, I know, it makes you want to cry yourself doesn't it? I wanted so badly to go to her and give her a hug and tell her how proud I was but two years of conditioning told me that if she is happy then just leave her alone. You never know when and how you might tip the scales to the other side; the dark side. I left her alone to sing and dance as I watched from afar.



She didn't cry the entire day yesterday. There were no tears when I announced lunch time. She didn't throw a fit when another child took "her" spot at the picnic table. She didn't freak out when her sister decided to play independent of her. It was heaven. Pure bliss in the form of a three foot diva.



Hopefully I can hang on to this day. And hopefully so can this little girl. I know she is capable of so much more than her tears of manipulation portray her to be. She is a pure delight when not crying. I hope to see more of the real her. In the end, I'm glad I stuck it out. And in a large part my son is to thank for that. He has taught me that we are all different and sometimes our inherent traits are not of our choosing but we all have to learn how to deal with them. This little girl has benefited from a provider who has "been there and done that". I only hope she is so fortunate in her future journeys. But for now, I'll take what I can get.











For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Matter Is Not Just For Physics

Man, I can find any old reason to vent. But, heck, venting my frustrations was the initial intent of this blog so I will continue with yet another look into a pet peeve of daycare providers. Besides, venting is good for the soul. And whatever allows you to release stress benefits everyone. What's better - a provider who bottles everything up and one day blows her gasket on the kid who knocks over the cup of milk or the provider who regularly finds an avenue to let it all out and then can calmly grab a towel and save the tears of a three year old just learning to be independent? I'm going to cast my vote for option number two. So, in that light here we go again.

Today I am going to blog about selfish parents. Yep, you read it correctly. I used the word 'selfish'. My personal daycare philosophy is to remain as emotionally unattached to daycare families as possible. Call it harsh, realistic or a preventative occupational hazard measure - I don't care. It is what it is. But, that said, I'm also human and getting somewhat involved is just part of being human.

I'm a generous sort. Generous with my time, my thoughts, my money and my possessions. I don't hoard money and I see it as a renewable resource. I purchase birthday and Christmas gifts for all my daycare children. Heck, I even pass on a birthday card to daycare parents when I know of their special day. But, most often I show my interest by keeping up with the day to day events of each of my daycare families. I make sure to comment when I see mom sporting a new hair cut, or the new leather jacket she is wearing the first cool day of fall. I always ask how their special trip was to Marine Land, or their family trip to Disney. I show interest. Most of it is genuine, some of it is maintaining a good business relationship. Regardless, I show interest and by doing so reflect my esteem for each and every family. One would think that if as a daycare provider I could keep up with the happenings of five different families then each family could at the very least, keep up with mine. I have learned though that this is not the case.

There are a few families in my care that I would not trade for the world. They are truly great people. People I would be proud to call my friends if it were not for the business relationship we now share. However, every once in a while I will find myself with some of the most selfish, self-centered people I have ever had the misfortune to have interacted with. Currently, I have a set of these parents in my care.

I am not a high maintenance person. I don't need people to blow smoke up my ass and tell me half-truths and snippets that I 'want' to hear. Just tell it like it is and you will do me more service than feeding my ego. But, every once in a while it's nice to know that in some small way you matter. After all, I am caring for the most valuable and precious asset these parents will ever have - their children. One would think that fact alone would allow me the privilege of at least being asked how my trip was.

Last week, as posted here, my husband and I took a trip to Las Vegas. All of my daycare families were abreast of this information. Sure enough, Tuesday morning came and all but one of my daycare families asked about the trip. It was just casual conversation and maybe while I was responding they were going over their grocery list in their head. Whatever. The point is they showed interest. However, selfish family couldn't be bothered. Not surprising as they never bother. They never bothered to comment on the 600 square feet of wall space we painted from brown to off-white. Or the patio stone walkway we pulled up to lay down a beautiful, formed, cement sidewalk. It's not as though they didn't actually have to WALK on that new sidewalk to get to the front door and drop of their kids on their day OFF!

Sometimes I just give up. I seriously wonder why I bother to try anymore. The longer I am in this business the more I have come to the realization that many parents just want a warm body to open up the door in the morning so they can dump off their kids and run as far away as fast as possible to count down to the very last minute to pick them up at the end of the day. They don't care who I am. I'm breathing, have no criminal record, have two hands to change a diaper and own a stove. Hey, what more could you want?

Perhaps I am an anally over-protective parent. No, change that last sentence.....I AM an anal over-protective parent. And, although I have never used daycare services myself I have no doubt that my daycare provider would be on the short list of people I most revered and treated best. Why is this? Because she is responsible for the well-being and emotional development of part of me. Because who she spends her time with are those who are most important in my beating heart. And, for those two facts alone I could find the time to ask her how her trip was.

I'm not high maintenance. But I am human. And to be human is to want to matter. Sadly, in this profession we are not regarded by all parents as those who deserve the luxury of any significance. But then again, apparently I will always come after their children on the short list of priorities. Considering that today mom is at home for her tenth day off this summer and her two precious little girls are once again dumped here with me for the day I can see that I have a long way to go until I matter. If her kids don't matter enough to warrant an occasional day off with mom then there is no hope at all for me.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Pretzel Provider

I don't know about you but I am tired of being double jointed. "They" say that the term 'double jointed' is a misnomer. I beg to differ. You see, I personally know many providers, myself included who are more than flexible in many, many ways. But the epitome of this notion is the actual flexible care arrangement.

What is flex care? In my experience this type of care is requested by parents who work shift work. These parents want the benefit of a guaranteed space and available care for their child when they need it. Unfortunately, this desired guarantee of availability rarely comes with the desire of commitment and guarantee of payment.

I never understood parents who are searching for a flexible care arrangement and only want to pay for those days they use. On one hand I applaud them for even having the desire to spend time with their children when not working themselves, but on the other hand I have to wonder where their priorities lie. If there is a possibility of a child attending on any or all of the five day care week then why shouldn't a parent pay for every day of that availability? A provider can hardly fill the alternate and unused days with another child. Imagine taking on a new family and informing them that you will let them know when they can send their child based on another family's needs. I hardly think they would be rushing to sign your contract.

When I returned from vacation yesterday ( and yes, it was fabulous!) I opened my email to find a request for flexible care. Apparently, according to the mother who sent the email, "the quality of care is of utmost importance". And then, in the next line the sender relayed that, "we do not wish to pay for or use days we do not need care for our daughter". Yeah, okay......

Needless to say, I did send a reply to this parent informing her that I was more than willing to meet with them. I also informed this parent that in my care a minimum payment of three care days a week was required and the decision to send their child any of these days was theirs to make. At the end of my email, like any other, I thanked them for their interest, directed them to more info on my website, and offered them my phone number should they wish to meet with me. I won't hold my breath waiting for the phone to ring.

In my early days of daycare I took on a flexible family. Five years later and they are still with me today. Yes, I have kept them around despite their arrangement. I love the family to death but I try to never make the same mistake twice. Flexible care is one-sided. The only party being truly flexible is the provider. The provider bends over once when accommodating a child who attends here- there- and- everywhere. The provider bends once again when she loses money on those days a child is not in attendance. And, by the time the provider resembles a pretzel she has lost thousands of dollars a year in fees she could have earned from any other family.

If you want quality care you have to pay for it. Whether it be full-time, fifty-two weeks a year, or nine days a month. No other service I know of operates in this manner. Once again, try calling up the cable, phone, hydro, gas, car lease, or mortgage company and ask for the same arrangement. I think we can all guess that there would be a lot of laughter from the operator at the end of the line. No one operates like this. No one.

I have been accused of being harsh; that's because I am. I'm the first to admit that when it comes to business I am cut throat. It is what it is. If you pay for the service you get 100%. If you don't want to pay for the service then look elsewhere - my door is closed to you. It is one of my personal goals to let every daycare family out there learn that we are not babysitters. We are not sitting here hoping and praying that someone, anyone, will come along and grace us with a pittance as payment. It is also my opinion that those parents who want to use and only pay for flexible care are attempting to take advantage. Well, it won't be me who is taken advantage of.

Hopefully, the family who contacted me this weekend will be another set of parents I can add to my list of those who have learned that providers are business people too. All I can do is try. But heck, a personal crusade has to start somewhere.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca