Dirty Gum Stays Stuck

Talk to any daycare provider and the question as to why they decided to provide childcare will always come up. The most frequent answer to that question would be that they wanted to stay at home with their own children in their formative years but needed a second income. For the most part I believe these answers to be truthful if only on a superficial level. There is a secret of many daycare providers that is rarely ever divulged; many of us have a secret agenda and don't even know it.

I have had the great fortune to meet and know a lot of home daycare providers both in person and online. There are a number of small, intimate provider forums where in, over the years, relationships are forged and dark personal secrets are shared. We come to understand each other as people as opposed to daycare providers. At the core we are just people with biases, fears and anxieties, hopes and beliefs like anyone else. There is a reoccurring theme among many providers. That theme is childhood. It seems a large majority of home daycare providers had very unfortunate childhoods. I stand within their ranks.

A reader left a comment referring to another small but secret blog I have wherein I address some of those moments in my life that have stuck to the recesses of my memory like dirty gum to the sole of a shoe. It surprised me that someone, other than myself, had read those words and ascertained their translucency. It did not prompt inner reflection as I have had far too much time to do that in my life and have the great fortune of really knowing who I am, dirty gum and all, but it was a small relief to perceive an air of compassion in those words sitting on my computer screen begging me to click the 'approve' button.

It seems that those of us who share the ranks of the abused, unwanted, and unloved lost little girls find the provision of daycare as an amicable choice of careers. I wonder if it is our attempt to somehow right the wrongs of the past by ensuring that another child will not be forced to question theirs. Perhaps we strive to provide more than care but a soft, warm place in the Universe where a child feels wanted if even for a mere nine or ten hours a day.

If there is a presence of negativity within these posts it always shares a common theme - the lack of parental duty toward what should be their most valuable asset - their children. It is admittedly easy to become incensed with a parent who refuses to spend more time than absolutely necessary with a child. It brings on strong emotions from grown adult woman who, inside, feel the hurt and the rejection for the child who is clearly put in the position of being second place. We were there once ourselves and therefore it is impossible for us not to understand the scene from the child's perspective. Children feel. Children are far more in tune with the Universe than any other age group. They know because they are pure and are therefore connected. When mommy and daddy take the day off work but drop their child into our care on their birthday it sets off a raging tide of emotions and well placed resentment.

I would love to say I am just here for the money or for my own kids. It would be much easier to have no feelings, to not care, to accept my cheque and go about my life. But life and its experiences have a funny way of catching up with you when you least expect it. Just when you think you have finally shoved those demons under the bridge one last time they reappear, their red faces and raging eyes fiercer than before. I suspect I am not alone in visiting these demons. Many a provider friend admits to frequent visits with them too.

The world works in mysterious ways. Why cast women who have not had the benefit of wonderful childhood memories into positions responsible to create them? If anything it seems more of a cruel joke or social science experiment. Perhaps there is a purpose; to heal wounds and allow these women a second chance to be children themselves while protecting those they care for from every having to peel gum off the bottoms of their little shoes.

I provide daycare to heal my heart and protect the hearts and souls of others. If somewhere in the process I point fingers and say outloud what many think but lack the bravado to say then so be it. While those who oppose ponder my words I'll be with my daycare children chewing gum and blowing big, funny bubbles instead of spitting it on the ground to wait for someone to walk on it. No one likes peeling dirty gum off the bottom of their shoe.

Day twelve and still positive!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca