Daycare Jail

I recently saw a documentary on jail house conditions. The entire segment was presented from the perspective of the inmate. Of course, being incarcerated and convicted of many crimes ranging from petty to violent the inmates complained about how appalling and restrictive their conditions were. I couldn't help but notice a glaring assimilation between jail and daycare.

While watching that documentary a light bulb went off in my brain. It dawned on me that my days were like those of the inmates. Really and truly I am living the life of a convicted felon and like those convicts I also answered to the wardens of my life. Only in my life the wardens are plentiful and under three feet tall.

Let's take a look at some of the similarities between jail and daycare. First, and most obviously are the washroom conditions. Yes, through the day I have no privacy. Just like those inmates who have to poop while being watched I too have been known to take along an escort; those one or two children who can't cope without my presence being within their range of sight along to the bathroom with me. Yes, I attempt to set them outside the washroom but that door is still open a crack so as not to have them lose a visual. I mean really....would it not be better to lose sight of me then to witness those things we all must do in the bathroom? I am certain that by providing daycare to these types of dependent children I am in fact, contributing to the future inmate population. I'm probably responsible for scarring many a child for life with their reoccurring visions of Judy in the bathroom. Well, at least I will die knowing I try to teach them how to be discrete as possible when a small crowd is watching you poop. My list of lessons taught is never ending. Wow, what a martyr I am!

Not long ago I was in Walmart and purchased a number of divided trays to serve lunch to my ever starved crew. At the time I was excited with such a find as we all know many children do not like their foods to touch each other. Score for me, was my thought at that moment of purchase. But watching the cafeteria segment of the documentary made me laugh as I thought of how often I have simply plunked some food on to a divided tray for myself and sat down to eat with the kids. And they said in the documentary that the cafeteria is often the most violent area of the entire prison. Hey, I can commiserate. Have you ever seen little Johnny try to sneak a piece of bread from Suzie's plate only to have Suzie stab him with her plastic fork? Sure you have! See, the similarities are amazing!

Personally, I think those prisoners have it easy. Sign me up for some free time and meals I don't have to cook. Hell, they even have time in the day to watch television. I would kill (hey, maybe I'm on to something here!) to have time in my schedule to view Oprah every day.

And those death row guys? Wow! Now that is living the life! Not only do they have their own rooms they have their own toilets in those rooms! And they do not have to sit and eat with others. No one is blowing snot bubbles while they enjoy their tater tots or expelling last nights meal while consuming the next. Nope, just blissful solitude with staff that waits on them hand and foot. Sign me up for that.

I used to think criminals were just stupid. I'm beginning to wonder if my theory is flawed. Maybe they are all smarter than we think. It seems to me that much of my day is similar to theirs - only they don't have to prepare meals, change diapers, pay bills, walk the dog or wipe double-barrelled snot. Nope, they just sit there watching Oprah waiting on chow time.

The knees of my jeans keep wearing through. Since I do not get the benefit of a free uniform like the documentary inmates I am thinking of purchasing the same set of clothes for all of the five days of the week. Perhaps something in bright orange or black and white stripes might work. Hey, if I have to poop with an audience I might as well look the part.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca