Scratch That Itch

Bored, bored, bored. Sometimes I swear my brain cells are in a state of rapid depletion. I know all my fellow daycare providers would tell me I am making a difference in the life of a child but at what cost to me? Do you ever feel like your brain is turning to mush?

I remember a long, long time ago I was considered smart and savvy. I could read flow charts and financial forecasts. I attended business meetings requiring countless hours of PowerPoint presentation preparation. I managed statistics and people and places. Now I have been reduced to a wanna-be librarian reading Green Eggs And Ham and When You Give A Moose A Muffin. I get excited over pieces of felt shaped like people and animals. I become giddy when tempera paint is on sale. I browse toy aisles at Walmart just for fun. What in the world have I become?

Every year during the change of the seasons I feel a familiar itch. It's the type of itch, like the one you get in the middle of your back, that you just can't quite reach. Try as you might that damn itch drives you to madness. Finally, unable to stand it any longer you find the kitchen tongs, look around making sure you are alone, and you scratch, scratch that itch. Yes, I have the itch again. And I know that the itch means I need change. No pair of tongs, regardless of their length, will ever reach this itch.

Sometimes the itch can be scratched with a few Scholar's Choice purchases, a new wall mural or a few new tubs of Play-doh. Or other times the scratching of completely rearranging your daycare room will quiet that itch. And then, other times still, the itch remains and you wonder what that itch is telling you. With your depleted brain capacity you wander around for weeks short tempered and miserable, unable yourself to identify the exact location of that itch. And the kitchen tongs seems so very far away in those moments.

Have you ever felt the itch? I'm sure you have. In fact, I am currently feeling like I have been plagued with a bad case of poison ivy. And trust me when I tell you that no kitchen utensil is going to cure that itch. I have spent countless dollars in my playroom, hour upon hour rearranging furniture and many moments of quiet reflection asking any powers that be to help me through this time and find peace. Nothing worked.

It came to me that perhaps it was time for a real change. When we feel the itch it is our two remaining brain cells, along with our now, burgeoning hearts, quietly whispering that we need to do what it is WE need. We need to stop worrying about pleasing others and please ourselves. We need to stop feeling guilty for wanting a change. We need to step out of self-pity and into action. We need to check our guilt at the door and start drafting letters to families with our intent to change. We need to advertise to find what we want. Or perhaps, if all else fails, we need to look elsewhere, beyond the limitations of daycare, for a career with meaning and fulfillment for US.

Lately I have read so many forum posts pertaining to providers who ache for a change. Providers who want so badly to finally do something for themselves. Sadly, these givers have forgotten how to ask for what they want. We need to change that. We are only as much a servant to others as we are to ourselves.

I ask you - no, I challenge you to look within. Ask yourself what YOU want. You might be surprised by the answers. Do what it takes to make you happy and everything else will fall into place in time.

Easier said than done? Perhaps. But for me, it is worth finding out.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca