Dear Parents and Children,
I know I'm pretty fantastic. I know I am the queen of multi-tasking. I also know I have the patience of Mother Theresa and probably just a deaf as well; years of screaming toddlers on their first day will do that to you. In short, I know you think I am super human. Or maybe you don't. Maybe you just think I should be able to do it all. Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, there are some things I am not capable or willing to do. Let it be known from this day forward that I am NOT the following:
Chief Potty Trainer - as prestigious a title this might be I am not the commanding officer of all things potty. It is your job, as parents, to initiate and secure a good potty training foundation before you expect me to assist your child with their washroom needs.
Chauffeur - no, I don't own a little black hat with a shiny visor nor do I strive to. It is not my job to shuttle your child to the the pre-school, grandma's house or back and forth to Montessori while your child is transitioning out of my care to the care of pre-school. Besides, the simple fact that you had the nerve to ask me to do this makes me want to run you down with my car.
Spoon Feeder - yes, I realize you have been spoon feeding your now twelve month old their entire existence to the point the child wonders why she has hands but please know I am not a spoon feeder. Never have been, never will be. Your twelve month old will have to use the fingers God gave her to pick up her own food and eat it.
Nurse - contrary to popular belief you can stay at home and care for your own sick child. I do realize when you relay to me how much your child misses me when she is not here it is a feeble attempt to sway me to take you sick child. I am not a nurse. I do not like cleaning up my own vomit let alone the vomit of your child. I do not get paid $35 an hour like the nurses I know so please, do not call me Florence.
Short Order Cook - vegetables are good for your child. I'm sorry that your child complained they were hungry at pick up for the fifth day in a row despite the fact I serve two snacks and a hot lunch every day. And no, I will not prepare a special meal for you prince or princess so please stop asking me.
Teacher - who cares if your two year old can not recite Whitman or Poe? I am not a teacher. I do not have the protection of a union, I do not get full medical benefits and I actually have to work over the summer if I want to get paid. I am a daycare provider not a teacher.
Dry Cleaner - if you are handed a tied up plastic grocery bag at pick up don't give me that "look". I don't get paid to launder your child's poopy clothing. Maybe next time you will reconsider sending your child to nursecare in a pair of overalls.
Lay Away Plan - Walmart might let you put stuff on lay away but daycare doesn't work that way. I expect payment in advance for your daycare use purchase. Don't come in, drop off your child and tell me you won't have payment until later in the week. And no, unlike Walmart you do NOT get to leave your child here until you pay. No, take little Johnny, turn around and come back WITH your cheque.
Psychic - my abilities are multifaceted. I can tell by the way you say you will be "working from home" you are really going for a pedicure. I'm insightful that way. But my psychic abilities stop there. I will not know if there will a spot for you in a year when you come back from mat leave with two children. Oh, wait, I just had a vision......if you PAY for those two spots for a year then yes, they WILL be available. Hey, maybe I AM psychic!
Please add the aforementioned job titles to your list of contract No-Nos. Your ability to abide by the terms of the contract and the previous amendments will permit me to carry on providing daycare and prevent me from wearing the title of Terminator. And trust me, Arnold has nothing on me!
Sincerely,
Your Daycare Provider
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
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