The Zen Approach To Daycare

I like to think I'm on top of things. And in the warped little world of Judy that usually means I try to control just about any environment. And by environment I really mean undesirable behaviour. Hell, I can even admit that I get to decide what is and what is not "undesirable". I mean, sure, hitting your friend over the head with the plastic cash register is undesirable. But where is that line in the sand that gives us a clear indication of what we should and should not control?

Not long ago I had a day from hell. I don't have to go into detail here because there are two types of people who are currently reading. The first group are fellow providers who understand that hell is not just the place that priests and ministers threaten with eternal damnation but an eternal reality in your every day world. And the other group of people reading this blog are parents who believe, like those priests, that I am in fact, going to a very warm vacation spot one day in the future. But regardless of who you are trust me when I tell you that my HELL day was just that - HELL.

It was while in the midst of my living hell that I wondered how it was that my head had not blown clear off my body. It seemed my control mechanism was on overload and the kids were not picking up on my not so subtle clues that they were pushing me over the edge. I had to ask myself right then and there how much I was willing to give. In short - where do we draw the line? What battles do we pick?

As I stood there in this moment of realization that I could not, as previously believde, control everything in my daycare universe I took a deep breath and let go. I started my own movement; it's called the Zen approach.

The Zen approach is quite simple. The mantra of the Zen approach is "if it doesn't affect me, it doesn't affect me". See? Simple, eh? So, for the rest of the day I tried my hardest to observe the principles of the Zen approach and I realized a few amazing things.

Did you know that it won't actually kill a kid to pick their boogers and chew on them? I'm serious. I watched little Johnny have an all out picnic as he sat in the corner and ate his snot. Normally this would make me cringe and feel the need to go over and wipe his nose and hands wherein little Johnny would produce even more snot as he cried at the site of the approaching Kleenex. So, instead of defeating the entire purpose of decreased snot production and control upon my part I just let him do what he wanted to do. Not my snot - not my problem.

And perhaps the best part of my day came when the soon to be four year old decided to use her Pull-up, despite being completely independent in the washroom, as her personal sanitary disposal unit. Normally such a display of laziness on the part of a child would get you a spot to reflect in the corner of my playroom. But nope, not during a Zen moment. What do I care? It doesn't affect me. Hey, I'm not the one skipping off to school in my ten pound glorified diaper in five short months. I'm not the one who will be called "baby" by my new school friends who all wear panties with princesses on them. And I sure as hell am not the one the school will call when lazy little Lilly poops in her "big girl diaper". Hey, the Zen calls for no care on my part. Remember, if it doesn't affect me, it doesn't affect me. Besides, it appears the parents of Lazy Lilly take the Zen approach to heart as well or their precious pre-schooler would be in underwear by now. So, as calmly as I could I handed her another Pull-up and a plastic bag, lead her in the direction of the bathroom and told her to come out when she was changed. And with a big, cleansing, but stink-filled breath I let it all out and went along with my day.

The Zen approach came in handy at pick up time too. When otherwise angelic little daycare girl decided to throw a fit and not put on her coat I simply wished them a good night and walked away to another part of my home. Unlike other days when I would have scolded the child and subsequently helped out the parent I imagined my head staying attached to my shoulders and took another big breath. What doesn't affect me, doesn't affect me. Hell, what do I care if mom has to struggle to get the child dressed. You make your bed you lie in it.

I've definitely taken on a new outlook. Sure, I am still the same daycare provider who does and will employ the Guantanamo tactic for manipulative criers. I am still the provider who will refuse to offer you a restaurant menu at lunch time. But for those things that parents fail to instill in their children that really, and honestly don't affect me I could care less. I am done killing myself so others can reap the benefit of something they are too weak to instill themselves.

I have to wonder how many times I will walk away from tantruming toddlers at pick up or how many times Lazy Lilly's parents will have to leave work to change the diaper of their kindergartner before they wake up and realize that what DOES affect them DOES affect them? Because Zen-like Judy is done doing the hard work without support.

For now I am going to pick my battles - and only those I can win. And while I do that I will continue some deep breathing and maintain a steady blood pressure. And then when the struggling parents ask "how do you do it" I will simply respond, "I don't" and walk away.

Why? Because it doesn't affect me.



For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca