I am grateful for the comfort and time that modern conveniences afford me. I am fortunate to have been born at the birth of the technological era. I have had the benefit of being familiar with both eight track tapes and phones smaller than an adult thumb. But best of all I have the reassurance of knowing my own children will likely never know what it feels to go without food or shelter. In short, we live in a country that has evolved to serve the needs of everyone, young and old, affluent and destitute. We have more free time than ever before in history.
My grandmother, a sturdy woman for whom I attribute my assertive fortitude, raised seven children, kept a home and cared for many pets. She did not have the luxury of the microwave oven, a deep freeze, or an electric coffee pot to set on timed brew to jump start her day. She worked from morning until night. She toiled because she not only loved those for whom she sacrificed time and attention to self but because it was a given. Someone had to put in the work or there would be no canned pears for winter and no sheets to sleep on.
Mothers (parents) of small children fifty years ago were, by today's standards, overworked and under appreciated. But they gave of themselves because they understood the importance of investing time in their family, and more importantly, in their children.
I often think about the life my grandmother lead. These sentiments come to me when I look around me and see the state of the world of parenting in 2010. Not only are most children less behaved than in the parenting days of my grandmother, but parents themselves seem less involved; perhaps there is a correlation. When comparing the amount of parental time a child was afforded in 1950 to those of today it is no surprise why our children are in the predicament they are.
If I had a dime for every day that a child was dropped off at my door in the morning so a parent could skip work for "me" time I would be rich beyond words. It amazes me how selfish we have become with regard to our time. We assume that the concerns of the self are more important than those of our children. What we fail to realize is that our children are, and should be, part of the self - not a separate entity spending ten hours in daycare while a parent takes a personal day on the beach.
We seem to have a sense of time entitlement today. We assume that we are all that matters; that we deserve what has been dubbed "me" time. And the fact that we have, as a society, coined a term for such entitled time sparks a pang of outrage in my head and heart. Perhaps I am judgemental and entirely wrong but in my opinion my children ARE me. And therefore, "me" time includes those things most important in the world to me - my children. I could not imagine deliberately imposing my children on another and taking a day off for myself when in the position of being forced to frequently spend fifty plus hours away from them. My heart breaks at the mere thought of such a idea. And I suspect, the hearts of my children would suffer a painful scar as well. Children know. Children are perceptive.
The next time one of the self-proclaimed "full time mommies" complain to me that they are overwhelmed because they worked a full seven hours, took a one hour lunch break in solitude, enjoyed the silence of a half hour commute and need a "me" day I welcome them to walk a day in my shoes. I am more a full time mommy than they ever will be - to not only my children but their children as well. I don't begrudge them their need to work. But please, do not complain about how many hours you are burdened with real, genuine parenting. In fact, don't take up my offer to walk a day in my shoes. Instead, put on some stockings, and some practical footwear and walk a mile in my grandmother's shoes. SHE needed me time.
"Full time mommies"....... yes, I know it's not easy being you. But life isn't easy. And being a child who sat in daycare all day while mommy was suntanning at the beach is the least easy of all. Now go and enjoy your "me" time. No doubt you deserve it.
For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca
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