Alpha Dogs

Discipline. Why is this such a dirty word? What happened to the pride we used to feel in having self-proclaimed disciplined children?

Today I read a forum post that made me shake my head. It appears that by today's standards we are regarded as harsh and jagged should we exert any form of discipline on a child. It's the era of friendly parenting. The oak switch was initially replaced with the hand-on-behind technique which evolved into the gentle parenting method and now, in 2010 we have arrived at a method of friendly accord. We are afraid that if we do anything to jeopardize the friendship we have with any child they might not like or love us. I say, let their fellow four year olds be their friends - your job is to be their discipline guide.

My sister had a great saying, "I love you enough for you to hate me sometimes". In my opinion that could be the motto for all parents everywhere. We are not here to befriend our children. We are here to ensure they are raised in a manner that fosters adults with empathy, compassion and a general sense of doing the right thing.

The popular notion today is to give a child a time out. As a wise forum member pointed out today, time outs are not effective. And you know what? That forum member was on the money. Time outs are ineffective. As is the rule in any civilized society the price for any infraction against another must take away a right or privilege. I scarcely see how a mere three minutes in the bottom step of the stairs violates any rights of a child. A child is more apt to sit and play with their feet than to reflect on the reason for the time out. Time outs are useless and the biggest scam in parenting. The kids know it; it's time we did too.

A popular objection in the above mentioned forum thread regarded discipline of children as compared to the Alpha hierarchy of the animal kingdom. It seems many parents and daycare providers are appalled at the comparison of children to dogs. Perhaps they should get reacquainted with grade seven science. We are animals. We might wear clothes and drive cars but at the base of all human existence remains one fact - we are animals.

And so it is that yes, I do discipline the children in my care much like I do my dog. Taken out of context that seems a negative and insolent view point. However, I am proud to tell others I treat both my dog and the children in my charge with the same discipline technique. Plain and simple - it works. I am known in our daycare pack as the Alpha dog. I do not bow down to either my dog or the children in my care. And in return they respect both my place and theirs in the hierarchy of things. I make the rules and they follow them. Their job is to play and mind the requests of the Alpha dog. It's not complicated.

People always ask how it is that I can take the daycare children out into the world without incidents of tantrums and social unrest within the group. While out on field trips older people always comment on what a well behaved group I have. And every time I tell them that it does not come by chance. And that response is usually met with a wink and a nod and some encouragement that my methods demonstrate their effectiveness in the polite, well-mannered children in tow.

In society bad behaviour by adults leads to banishment from the general population. I think children need to feel this effect early on in life. Always better to teach lessons correctly while young than relearning the same lessons later in life when second chances are no longer available.
We have a banishment area in my daycare. It's called the crying corner. The only reason a child visits the crying corner is if they are crying out of manipulation or when caught violating the rules to which they assume, wrongly, that crying will gain them comfort and support. A child learns early on that banishment isn't fun. The crying corner is no regular time out spot. The crying corner is located in a quiet, dark corner situated behind many other corners. Once in the crying corner the offender can not see or hear the other children. In short, they are isolated.

It's not callous to discipline children with real punishment and consequence. If anything I believe it is favourable to all children to pay for their crimes. It teaches them early on that life rewards good citizens and confines those who don't play by the rules. It's a game of life learned early.

I love them enough for them to hate me sometimes. I love them enough for other parents and blog commenters to hate me sometimes. I love them enough to not care what opinions others form of me.

As for my dog? She is the best behaved animal I know. I love her with every fiber of my heart. Any daycare child who is treated with the same discipline and respect as my dog should consider themselves loved and appreciated.

And that's the way it is. The Alpha dog has spoken.






For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca