There Is No ASS In Assertive

Why do providers confuse assertiveness with being an ass? Why do we assume that we are not worthy of asking for what is fair to us? Just because we care for children does not mean we have to be push overs that take whatever is doled out.

Providers are business women - do not forget it.

Everything in life is about psychology. All dealings with other people and the outcome of those conversations is soundly based on human psychology. I think any business person, in any business, could do themselves a favour brushing up on some basic psychology information. Having a working knowledge of psychology can assist you in not only reading people but forecasting their response.

I am assertive person. I don't think there is a single long time blog reader that doesn't already know this about me. I am also an aware assertive person. I am always reading those around me. Within a few minutes of meeting someone I can usually gauge their personality type. I know if they are meek, vulnerable, naive, aggressive, or assertive. And I use these findings as tools in my approach to dealing with that person.

My first rule of thumb is to never, ever, accept a family into care if one or both of the parents are as aggressive or assertive or more aggressive or assertive than I am. I will freely admit that I haven't come across a lot of those people. But they do exist. I know that given my limits and working with someone whom I know I will butt heads with is a poor business decision. They might be great parents but if I foresee a clash of interpersonal skills it will never work.

I never accept anyone who is so accustomed to hearing "Yes" that they no longer hold the ability to accept "No".

Therefore, every family I accept into care has more prevalent personality traits of easy-going people. These are people who are generally used to having and following a set of predetermined rules and obligations throughout the rest of their life. Generally speaking these are people who work for an employer not in top management spots. They simply show up for work, do their job, get paid and go home.

I chose these people because I can assert myself with them and have little if no conflict. It is not a matter of wanting to control the weak or less assertive - it is a matter of wanting a drama free business wherein I can concentrate on the kids and not the personal misgivings of the parent. It's sound business methodology.

When the occasional disagreement or misunderstanding occurs with a parent I am forthright and honest. I do not mince words. I tell them what I do not want and what I expect. I don't beat around the bush or leave the parent to translate my desires. Leaving anything to translation will always result in future problems. Everyone speaks the same language in my care.

As providers we need to start being more assertive. There is no shame is asking for and demanding what it is you need and want to run a successful daycare. Everyone wins when the provider is happy and content. Everyone gains from a stress-free, conflict-free environment.

Stop beating around the bush with parents. Start asserting yourself. Don't ask - tell. Don't take less than you are worth. Don't be told how to run YOUR business. And please, stop apologizing. Never again do I ever want to hear of a provider uttering any apologetic words for needing to take a day off or a vacation. Never again do I want a provider feeling guilty for taking a sick day when the double-barrelled snot-ridden kid showed up for care the last four days. Never again.

People treat you in the manner in which you accept being treated. If you want a simpler, more understandable explanation of that sentence look at the children in your care. How many of them behave while with you but turn into demon spawn the moment their parents appear? YOU taught them how you will accept being treated; their parents have not. And in return those parents are treated like crap by the very children they brought into this world. Stop allowing the parents to deflect that treatment on to you.

You are only treated unfairly and with disrespect if you allow it. You attract that treatment. You have only yourself to blame. Going back to the Alpha Dogs sentiment psychology clearly dictates that as animals we will always take advantage of the weak should our personalities dictate. Stop being the runt of the litter. Demand more. Only you have the power to do that.

Sometimes being assertive does mean being the ASS. Once you get better at asking for what you deserve and need the ASS in assertiveness will lessen as you become more savvy in your delivery. Don't be surprised if old relations become defensive with your personality change. And for those who don't take kindly to your new found assertiveness............

........................NEXT!





For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca