Got Stress? Start Parenting

When did we decide that children deserve less than? I am curious to know the answer to this question. No doubt I will get a number of comments on this apparently controversial subject. What I am about to write is not a popular view. However, it is practiced with great results by both parents and providers who feel must speak in hushed tones in the back rooms of childcare centres and Internet forums.

It's time to tell the truth.

I am, quite frankly, sick and tired of molly-coddled kids and the parents and providers who have turned out this delusional product. How are we supposed to expect the best out of kids if we are not enabling them to be their best?

There is great talk these days about gentle-discipline, being your child's friend, running to comfort their every whimper and whine, and rocking every child to sleep until they are old enough to get their driver's license. I suggest this is nonsense.

When did society start to rely solely on scientific disclosure with complete disregard to anecdotal evidence? I hardly think my Grandmother or her grandmother before her had books on child psychology or google search forms to enter burning questions about whether to or not to comfort the child that just hauled off and hit them because they were asked to get their diaper changed. Hell no! My grandmother, if you were lucky, would have tanned the ass of a child who did that. Kids today should thank the Good Lord above that most adults around them have been brainwashed into current ideology that children are not, in fact, little humans but fragile pieces of crystal that might break if you raise your voice. I remember as a kid to never, ever try to pull a fast one on my grandmother. She was far too smart to fall for such shenannigans and she was also quick to let you know this. In short, we knew that if the literal push came to shove we would lose. And in the end I had great respect for that woman. She taught me more about how the world works in my first five years of life than most kids encounter in their entire childhood.

The common adage these days is that kids should never cry. Really? Hmmm....I'm pretty sure that sets them up for unrealistic notions of the future. I can not imagine ever having a day in my entire life where I got everything I wanted right when I wanted it. But hey, maybe the future will be different for them; or, more realistically, maybe the future WON'T! The only thing I know for certain is that I would much rather send a child into the world prepared for the worst and hoping for the best rather than the other way around.

It astounds me that governments hire child psychologists to complete and present studies on child development saying that we should respond to every complaint. And we eat these studies up. But then, in the very same breath we admonish the government in every other facet of their organization and social outreach.

I say you can't have it both ways.

Why do we assume that the experts have it right all the time? Do we have that little faith in our own critical thinking abilities to decipher a child's needs? If that is true then it is a sad state of affairs. The notion that children should never cry because it raises cortisol levels in the brain is the most ludicrous idea I have ever heard. Children who hit and kick and scream already have high levels of cortisol. It is impossible to be in a calm state while exhibiting violent tendencies. These kids are ALREADY stressed - they ALREADY have raised levels of cortisol. These children cry because at some point in their early lives an adult taught them that screaming and hitting and kicking IS the way to get the attention of adults. Their brains become wired as such. Feeding into the continued need to scream and kick and hit to get noticed is a slippery slope I certainly do not want to find myself or my child at the bottom of.

Just like adults who find themselves in a desperate situation sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find change. We must come to a point of realization that our actions affect US. It is only when we arrive at this epiphany that we will instrument self-change. Children are no different. Sure, we might have to help them facilitate that change but they must realize its benefit and how it affects them personally. To a child the entire world is personal. Turning their bad behaviour into a self-affecting action gets their attention very quickly.

We need to stop looking at children as children. Children are wonderful. Children are naive. Children are honest. All of those characteristics make them the perfectly innate beings they are. But we must never forget that we are raising future adults. Being a child is our time to make mistakes and learn from them and hopefully, somewhere along the way, meet someone who will invest their selfless time and effort into making us functioning adults one day.

If for one second we forget that the future will come to these children - that they will grow up and enter the big adult world - then we doom them for failure. And that, my friends is OUR fault - not theirs.

Step up to the plate and start doing what is right without the fear of admonishment by parents, colleagues or scientific hog-wash.

Start telling your truth.......

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca