There are two givens in human development - one is sleep and the other is nutrition. We all know that serving your one year old a consistent diet of chicken weiners and Lucky Charms is not the best option given the high nutritional needs of a toddler. Does anyone give any thought, at all, to the same toddler's quality of sleep? My experience is demonstrating to me that the answer is "No".
It astounds me these days how terribly children sleep. To state that they have sleep "habits" would be a misnomer. Having a habit implies a repeated process of consistently doing something. Most kids are getting anything BUT consistent sleep.
My sleep approach is to Cry-It-Out (CIO) and I have always been upfront about that and make no apologies for this tried and true method. It creates independent sleepers who gain the ability to self-soothe and eventually view bedtime as a positive rather than a negative aspect to their day. In my early years of daycare it would be common to have a child CIO for a mere day or two before they settled into a very healthy and age appropriate sleep routine while in my care. In rare cases an entire week or more would be necessary. But, without fail, every child slept like a literal dream by the end of the third week in care.
Things have changed.
It is now very, very unusual to have a child start daycare who takes less than three weeks to settle into a sleep routine. Three weeks is the norm now. In less than a decade children who have come through my door have expanded the necessary CIO time to adopt a quality sleep habit by 300%. And that, in my opinion, is ridiculous.
What is happening in the world of parenting? When did sleep, quality sleep, become so unimportant? Why are we robbing our children of that which is so important to growth and development? Why are we robbing our children of the tremendous gift of self-soothing?
The short answer is we live in a time of the "Yes" generation. Parents want a "Yes". Parents are willing to do whatever it takes to get a "Yes" for themselves. NOT for their children - for themselves. Whatever they must do to not hear the crying is part of the game plan. And, yes, that includes pacing the floor four times a night with a 12 month old who simply has decided that HE is the alpha dog at 2 am. And the parents comply, setting in motion a new habit - that they are controlled and manipulated by their 25 pound progeny.
It's time to start parenting. It's time to give kids what they need rather than what they want.
Many people think that CIO is cruel. I beg to differ. It is far more cruel to rob children of sleep. It is even more cruel to allow your child to not sleep and run to their every protest whim and then place that same child in group daycare wherein they will not get a choice but sleep. I ask you, what is the lesser of two evils - supporting your child in getting the adequate rest they deserve or placate them over and over again? I think you know my answer to that question.
Kids don't need us to constantly give them what they want. They say tough love is tough for a reason. It's tough because it is not easy to listen to a child cry. It's not; I'll admit to that. But sometimes it's necessary. And the end result is ALWAYS a child with terrific sleep habits and a cheery disposition. ALWAYS.
If you oppose it, having never employed CIO yourself, then you can not possibly knock it. Do not judge what you do not know.
And with that I am off to find my earplugs somewhere within the depths of the junk drawer.
Naptime is going to be long today!
Whatever they must do to not hear the crying is part of the game plan. -- nail meet hammer!
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more, I'm a live-out nanny to an 18 month old. She has been bossing her parents around since before she could walk... Naps when she wants too, etc. Goes to bed and eats when she wants. It's outrageous, I have been providing childcare for 10 years and have never seen the "yes" generation as much as I see it now. Parents are not doing their children any favors at all. Couldn't have said what you have said any better myself:)
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, it's nice to know that other people still see child rearing in this light!
-Sophia
http://whatyourmommadidntknow.blogspot.com/
Wow, I am a daycare provider and Mother of 3. I think that Yes sometimes a child needs to cry a bit, especially when they are over tired. I do not believe though, that children that have not been left to CIO will end up being sleep deprived or spoiled. I did not let any of my own children CIO and they all love their sleep. I also do not let my daycare children CIO for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Sometimes a couple of weeks of rocking is all the need to know they are safe.
ReplyDeleteYahoo...I agree! I run a daycare and I currently have a baby that has trained her parents to go to bed in a STROLLER or a CAR SEAT (car moving of course). My favorite is she also only sleeps for 20 minute intervals and will wake up INSTANTLY if the stroller/car stops! This means that no one ELSE in the daycare is sleeping properly either!
ReplyDeleteI have asked the parents to start putting her to bed in her crib each night and "train" her to be an independent sleeper...however, I have seen them walk around the neighborhood with her in the stroller or backpack to put her to sleep at night! Seriously??? Your job as a parent is to "TEACH" your child how to be successful, independent little people!
How is this child suppose to survive in a daycare when they need to be rocked, pushed or driven around for sleep. Not realistic.
Another "treat" is their little person screams...not cries, SCREAMS or whines VERY loud (constantly...seriously not even a 5 minute break for 9 hours a day) unless you hold her! Parents have mentioned they don't carry her all day, but I find that very hard to believe. It is the only silence we get at the daycare is if I carry her.
She is leaving the daycare this week. It should have happened weeks ago as I can't support her needs. It has been the LONGEST 8 weeks of my life and the lives of all the other little people I care for.
How could the parents not recognize that this is not healthy and that one day their little "angel" is going to be 80lbs and still expecting to be pushed in a stroller/driven around the block! ugggg...seriously parents! Unless you plan on being a 'stay-at-home' parent start supporting your child and teach them how to be independent sleepers! How else will they ever survive daycare??? Think about it!
I love this! Finally, people agree. Parents want to do what is easiest and then wonder why their children don't behave. People compliment me all the time on how well my children behave. Well I have rules and I mean what I say. I mean what I say every single minute not just when its convienent.
ReplyDeleteI think you missed the point. Her point was that parents take the easy way out and just let the child set their own sleep pattern or lack thereof instead of picking a method and sticking to it. Parents have just stopped 'fighting' with the kids and let them do as they please.
ReplyDelete"Wow, I am a daycare provider and Mother of 3. I think that Yes sometimes a child needs to cry a bit, especially when they are over tired. I do not believe though, that children that have not been left to CIO will end up being sleep deprived or spoiled. I did not let any of my own children CIO and they all love their sleep. I also do not let my daycare children CIO for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Sometimes a couple of weeks of rocking is all the need to know they are safe."
Everyone has their own methods in terms of sleep, but accusing anyone who doesn't cry it out of being unable to parent is ridiculous. I'd be much more inclined to listen to your thoughts on caregiving if you talked about options rather than passing judgement.
ReplyDelete