Sleep, Baby, Sleep

There are two givens in human development - one is sleep and the other is nutrition. We all know that serving your one year old a consistent diet of chicken weiners and Lucky Charms is not the best option given the high nutritional needs of a toddler. Does anyone give any thought, at all, to the same toddler's quality of sleep? My experience is demonstrating to me that the answer is "No".

It astounds me these days how terribly children sleep. To state that they have sleep "habits" would be a misnomer. Having a habit implies a repeated process of consistently doing something. Most kids are getting anything BUT consistent sleep.

My sleep approach is to Cry-It-Out (CIO) and I have always been upfront about that and make no apologies for this tried and true method. It creates independent sleepers who gain the ability to self-soothe and eventually view bedtime as a positive rather than a negative aspect to their day. In my early years of daycare it would be common to have a child CIO for a mere day or two before they settled into a very healthy and age appropriate sleep routine while in my care. In rare cases an entire week or more would be necessary. But, without fail, every child slept like a literal dream by the end of the third week in care.

Things have changed.

It is now very, very unusual to have a child start daycare who takes less than three weeks to settle into a sleep routine. Three weeks is the norm now. In less than a decade children who have come through my door have expanded the necessary CIO time to adopt a quality sleep habit by 300%. And that, in my opinion, is ridiculous.

What is happening in the world of parenting? When did sleep, quality sleep, become so unimportant? Why are we robbing our children of that which is so important to growth and development? Why are we robbing our children of the tremendous gift of self-soothing?

The short answer is we live in a time of the "Yes" generation. Parents want a "Yes". Parents are willing to do whatever it takes to get a "Yes" for themselves. NOT for their children - for themselves. Whatever they must do to not hear the crying is part of the game plan. And, yes, that includes pacing the floor four times a night with a 12 month old who simply has decided that HE is the alpha dog at 2 am. And the parents comply, setting in motion a new habit - that they are controlled and manipulated by their 25 pound progeny.

It's time to start parenting. It's time to give kids what they need rather than what they want.

Many people think that CIO is cruel. I beg to differ. It is far more cruel to rob children of sleep. It is even more cruel to allow your child to not sleep and run to their every protest whim and then place that same child in group daycare wherein they will not get a choice but sleep. I ask you, what is the lesser of two evils - supporting your child in getting the adequate rest they deserve or placate them over and over again? I think you know my answer to that question.

Kids don't need us to constantly give them what they want. They say tough love is tough for a reason. It's tough because it is not easy to listen to a child cry. It's not; I'll admit to that. But sometimes it's necessary. And the end result is ALWAYS a child with terrific sleep habits and a cheery disposition. ALWAYS.

If you oppose it, having never employed CIO yourself, then you can not possibly knock it. Do not judge what you do not know.

And with that I am off to find my earplugs somewhere within the depths of the junk drawer.

Naptime is going to be long today!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca

Got Stress? Start Parenting

When did we decide that children deserve less than? I am curious to know the answer to this question. No doubt I will get a number of comments on this apparently controversial subject. What I am about to write is not a popular view. However, it is practiced with great results by both parents and providers who feel must speak in hushed tones in the back rooms of childcare centres and Internet forums.

It's time to tell the truth.

I am, quite frankly, sick and tired of molly-coddled kids and the parents and providers who have turned out this delusional product. How are we supposed to expect the best out of kids if we are not enabling them to be their best?

There is great talk these days about gentle-discipline, being your child's friend, running to comfort their every whimper and whine, and rocking every child to sleep until they are old enough to get their driver's license. I suggest this is nonsense.

When did society start to rely solely on scientific disclosure with complete disregard to anecdotal evidence? I hardly think my Grandmother or her grandmother before her had books on child psychology or google search forms to enter burning questions about whether to or not to comfort the child that just hauled off and hit them because they were asked to get their diaper changed. Hell no! My grandmother, if you were lucky, would have tanned the ass of a child who did that. Kids today should thank the Good Lord above that most adults around them have been brainwashed into current ideology that children are not, in fact, little humans but fragile pieces of crystal that might break if you raise your voice. I remember as a kid to never, ever try to pull a fast one on my grandmother. She was far too smart to fall for such shenannigans and she was also quick to let you know this. In short, we knew that if the literal push came to shove we would lose. And in the end I had great respect for that woman. She taught me more about how the world works in my first five years of life than most kids encounter in their entire childhood.

The common adage these days is that kids should never cry. Really? Hmmm....I'm pretty sure that sets them up for unrealistic notions of the future. I can not imagine ever having a day in my entire life where I got everything I wanted right when I wanted it. But hey, maybe the future will be different for them; or, more realistically, maybe the future WON'T! The only thing I know for certain is that I would much rather send a child into the world prepared for the worst and hoping for the best rather than the other way around.

It astounds me that governments hire child psychologists to complete and present studies on child development saying that we should respond to every complaint. And we eat these studies up. But then, in the very same breath we admonish the government in every other facet of their organization and social outreach.

I say you can't have it both ways.

Why do we assume that the experts have it right all the time? Do we have that little faith in our own critical thinking abilities to decipher a child's needs? If that is true then it is a sad state of affairs. The notion that children should never cry because it raises cortisol levels in the brain is the most ludicrous idea I have ever heard. Children who hit and kick and scream already have high levels of cortisol. It is impossible to be in a calm state while exhibiting violent tendencies. These kids are ALREADY stressed - they ALREADY have raised levels of cortisol. These children cry because at some point in their early lives an adult taught them that screaming and hitting and kicking IS the way to get the attention of adults. Their brains become wired as such. Feeding into the continued need to scream and kick and hit to get noticed is a slippery slope I certainly do not want to find myself or my child at the bottom of.

Just like adults who find themselves in a desperate situation sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find change. We must come to a point of realization that our actions affect US. It is only when we arrive at this epiphany that we will instrument self-change. Children are no different. Sure, we might have to help them facilitate that change but they must realize its benefit and how it affects them personally. To a child the entire world is personal. Turning their bad behaviour into a self-affecting action gets their attention very quickly.

We need to stop looking at children as children. Children are wonderful. Children are naive. Children are honest. All of those characteristics make them the perfectly innate beings they are. But we must never forget that we are raising future adults. Being a child is our time to make mistakes and learn from them and hopefully, somewhere along the way, meet someone who will invest their selfless time and effort into making us functioning adults one day.

If for one second we forget that the future will come to these children - that they will grow up and enter the big adult world - then we doom them for failure. And that, my friends is OUR fault - not theirs.

Step up to the plate and start doing what is right without the fear of admonishment by parents, colleagues or scientific hog-wash.

Start telling your truth.......

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca