Daycare Abuse

April Luckese
Irene Martin
Jessica Tata
Ashley Reifer

What do all those names have in common? Every one of those women was a daycare provider. And every one of those women is accused of having abused, killed, or abandonment leading to the death of, the very children they were trusted to care for.

No one wants to talk about abuse that can happen while a child is in daycare. The parents don't want to talk about it because it implies they too, might be leaving their child in the care of someone who might commit the unthinkable. That is a huge burden to carry as you drop off your child, get into your car, and drive away each day. Daycare providers don't want to talk about it because it's too close to the core. It's too much a possibility they do not want to admit to.

Somebody needs to talk about it. It's happening. It's happening often. Are we to close our eyes and turn our heads because it's too uncomfortable? It seems that's what happens. These providers make sensational news stories for big media, the public gets riled up and then the next big story comes along and we quickly forget. Well, I haven't forgotten. I want to talk about this.

I firmly believe that any daycare provider is capable of abusing a child. I also believe any parent is. I believe anyone is capable of anything given the perfect set of circumstances for any given situation. Add into that believe the normal stresses of providing daycare and there are times that a perfect storm brews.

First and foremost there are many unrealistic expectations with regard to what it is daycare providers should accept. Most providers I know have at least one or two stories of serious belligerence, non-payment or general disrespect from one daycare parent or another. And then there are the unrealistic expectations of care. Just today I read about a provider who has a daycare parent who expects her to rock her child to sleep and then hold her throughout nap time. And when that provider explained the impossibility of this request the parent simple became angry and pulled her child from care. These are every day, normal issues all daycare providers deal with from time to time.

The biggest issue in daycare and daycare abuse is napping. Any provider I know can handle a few hours of crying and screaming by a new child whose parents did not do their job preparing that child for daycare. But every provider looks forward to and counts on a true break every day at nap time. And it is, for this reason, that most daycare abuse takes place mid-afternoon. Imagine working nine hours a day, five days a week and having to not only listen to one particular child (usually a new child) scream most of their waking hours but then to have the only part of the day set aside for the provider disrupted. Nap time is dangerous for children who refuse sleep and providers who are dealing with more than their fair share of problems with daycare parents.

I know there will be readers who sit there shaking their heads and saying to themselves that they could never, ever abuse a child in daycare. It is providers like these who worry me most. They worry me because if they deny their capabilities then they can not preventatively identify their triggers - those things that heighten their fight response - and work out a plan ahead of time to deal with their reaction to those triggers in a manner such that no child is ever hurt. If you fail to plan, you really do plan to fail.

When I read about abuse cases I always have to ask myself why the provider didn't simply put that child in a playpen and walk away. It is an easy solution that literally saves lives. I'm sure in retrospect anyone who has ever abused a child wishes they had done just that. It was their failure to recognize their innate ability to harm another and set preventative measures in place that cause the literal end of life to a child and the proverbial end to their own.

The scary thing is that no provider, no environment, is immune. There are great, educated, highly-regarded daycare providers who have been accused of abusing children and there are those who were mere "babysitters". Abuse happens in home daycare both licensed and unlicensed, and big and small commercial daycare centres. It happens and it happens anywhere.

My wish for every child who attends daycare is to have their daycare provider take five minutes today to sit and think about her triggers. To get real. To get honest. To ask the hard questions. And then for that provider to set measures in place to prevent a tragedy from happening. Set up that playpen, terminate that one screamer, hand out walking papers to that consistently late paying parent. Do what needs to be done. Childrens' lives depend on it.

If you don't want to do it for the children you care for then do it for your own kids so they will  keep a mother, and do it for yourself so you will be around to watch them grow.

Whatever your reasons - just do it. Get real - today!

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca