Point Of No Return

We've all been there - to the point of no return. The trick is to recognize that point and make choices that benefit you and your daycare at that critical moment in time. There is nothing worse than missing the point of no return and finding yourself in daycare hell a few months down the line.

The point of no return occurs when you have a new child in your care that you have hoped beyond hope will eventually settle in but fails to fall in line like the  many other kids you've had in the past. The point of no return typically occurs around the end of the first month of care. It's at this point in the time line of daycare that a provider needs to take a good look at a new child and decide if  he/she  a good "fit" or not. Miss the point of no return or make a bad decision while at the fork in this crossroads and you are destined for a life of daycare hell.

I have missed the point of no return a few times in my career. My favourite story to tell other providers about the importance of timing with regard to the point of no return concerns a set of twins I once had in my care. Perhaps some of you might remember them, or more specifically - HER - the one twin I like to refer to as the Princess. I once blogged about this duo in The Princess And The Pea.

The Princess was whiny. I remember very well her first day of care. When I look back I wonder how I managed to have a single strand of hair left. But, being  cute, combined with my hopeless determination and ego, thinking that I could transition any child, I persevered. Every day of the first week the parents would arrive at pick up and I would report the twins did "well" today. This wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. The fact of the matter is that in daycare "well" simply means they did exactly what every other twelve month old child does the first week of care - scream bloody murder. But to relay this to a parent is akin to daycare suicide. I mean, really, would ANY parent ever again leave their children in the care of strangers if they truly knew just how hard it is for their child to be plunked into a strange new world with someone who knows not a single one of their traits?

As time went on "well" became more and more of a lie. By week two I assumed the Princess was just slower to adjust. Week three caused me to think she might get there eventually. And week four brought about my definitive moment of indecisiveness. Do I keep them or does Arnold come out to play? Do they stay or do they go? I chose to keep them (mainly because the Pea was doing so well despite her sister) and in that moment missed the point of no return.

Missing the point of no return was the nail in my proverbial daycare coffin that continued to be slowly lowered  into my grave until I was literally in daycare hell. Had I just spoke up, bit the bullet and told these parents their child was a controlling, ridiculously manipulative brat, I would have saved myself three years of misery.

Short of blindsiding a parent, how do you ever go back and decide you just can not care for a child after they have been with you for a period of time, seemingly without incident? The simple answer is you can't. It's too hard. Situations like these only lead to nasty outcomes and your name being spewed across post threads on local mom's boards. You simply can not come out a winner.

NEVER miss the point of no return. When you know a child is not going to work out, is too much work, is a molly-coddled demon, or is attachment parented and a complete write-off to group care, just do it - write up that termination letter and let them go. It is always better to end a new relationship than waiting six months or a year or more. With any luck, once the mom's board threads die down that parent won't give you a second thought. But care for their child for  a year and suddenly announce they are demon spawn  YOU will be the devil incarnate. Such is the reality of the point of no return.

So, the next time you accept a new child into care take a really, really good look at them and their progress. And when week four rolls around ask yourself the hard questions and be open to accept the answers. And once you have accepted the reality of an existence of hell, should they stay, take the correct path on that fork in the road of the point of no return. Trust me, you'll thank me for it later.

For concerns, advice or suggestions I welcome your email at judytrickett@yahoo.ca